Page 72 of The B!tch List

“Pop, please,” Hunter grumbled. “Children present.”

I looked around but there was no sign of Tia or Rett, so I laughed when I realized he meant himself.

“I’d better go and get myself a drink,” I said with a grin. “Looks like I might need it.”

“Okay, honey,” Darcy replied. “And again, congratulations.”

“Yeah, great news, Nancy,” Carter offered. “Can’t wait to enroll Rett.”

“Thanks, guys.” Feeling a little more relaxed I moved inside the house and went in search of booze and the girls. When I found them in the kitchen, Bronte and Ellie were arguing about something while Lily looked to be the referee. She was stood in the middle of them her head whipping from side to side like she was watching a tennis match.

“Nancy, thank god,” she said in a withering voice. “Will you sort this argument out between these two.”

“What’s going on?” I asked.

Ellie pouted like a toddler and said with her eyes on Bronte, “Tellherthat you only have a real short time to get pregnant each month.” She turned to me. “Because it’s not like I’m the one who is medically trained or anything.”

I shrugged. “She’s right,” I aimed at Bronte. “When do you think you can get pregnant?”

“She,” Ellie said before Bronte had chance, “thinks that she and my brother need to have sex every day for the whole month, at least twice a day in order to get pregnant.”

“You’re only saying that because you want to scupper my chances of getting pregnant before you.” Bronte raised a perfectly shaped brow and crossed her arms over her chest. “Because it’s not like you and Hunter aren’t at it at every opportunity.”

“You know what, all this talk of sex is making me feel queasy,” Lily offered with a sigh. “You’re talking about having sex with my brother and it’s not right.”

Ellie gasped and pulled Lily into her arms. “Oh Lils, you think of Hunter as your brother.”

“You know I do,” she said, her voice muffled against Ellie’s chest which weirdly looked huge. Then again so did Bronte’s. They both did compared to my C cups which barely required a bra unless I was on my period and then they—

Ellie interrupted my thoughts. “That is so cute.” She then burst into tears and sobbed about how happy she was.

“Oh God, don’t cry,” Bronte’s voice broke. “You’re going to start me off.”

The next thing I knew both Bronte and Ellie were crying and hugging each other while poor Lily tried desperately to get out of the boob sandwich. I watched on in mild confusion. When she finally managed, she was breathing heavily and came to stand next to me.

“OMG, they’ve like been like this for the last hour, bursting into tears for no reason.” She blew out a breath causing her pink hair to blow in the breeze. “Ellie hasn’t stopped crying all week. It went to epic levels when she said Hunter had shrunk her silk blouse in the laundry. She came storming into the house from their house threw herself into Mom’s arms and said he’d broken her heart. We all thought that he was leaving her, not doing the laundry.”

As I watched the two best friends, I studied them both and then cleared my throat to get their attention. I’d seen a lot of hormonal moms come and go at the kindergarten and I thought I knew what the problem was.

“Hey, ladies,” I said as they paused long enough to hear me. “Can I just run something past you?”

Their heads swiveled my way and they stared at me while they sniffed.

“I don’t know how you’ve missed this, seeing as your sole pastime this last few months has been to have as much sex as possible to get pregnant.”

“Missed what?” Bronte wiping her nose with her hand.

“Have either of you done a pregnancy test recently?”

Ellie frowned. “I think I’d know if I was late, Nancy. I have charts you know.”

“Same.” Bronte laughed and shook her head disdainfully. “And what do you mean you have charts? You never told me.”

“Well unlike you, Bronte,” Ellie said with a rapid blink and a head wobble. “I don’t feel it necessary to advertise that I’m trying for a baby with my husband.”

Lily snorted and I almost choked.

“I’m sorry, Ellie,” I said around a cough. “But you and Hunt do nothing but advertise your sex life and have done so since the day you got together. The whole town has seen Hunter’s bare ass or heard you screaming for Jesus at some point.”

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