Page 97 of Elijah
Amy
aged 28
I hadn’t heard a word that Leon had said, because the only thing going around in my head was what had happened from two nights before with Elijah.
I was still reeling from it all, from his declaration that he still loved me to the fact that he was still living with his bloody girlfriend. I could not believe he would have cheated on the poor girl, never mind string me along. Elijah Cooper was a fucking bastard and didn’t deserve to be happy.
How on earth could he do that to me again? He’d broken my heart once and was all set to do it again. As for Mia, did she know what a twat he was, what he’d planned on doing – to find out if I was willing and then end things with her. Talk about having your bread buttered on both sides.
I breathed heavily, as I envisaged what I’d like to do to him, how I’d like to punch him in his stupid face and then knee him in the balls for good measure. I hated him. I never wanted to see or speak to him again. I wanted to curl up and cry over the fact that he’d given me hope and then snatched it away.
I felt stupid and foolish and all because of Elijah.
“Ugh,” I groaned, turning to stare out of the car window.
“You okay?” Leon asked.
I turned to look at his profile as he drove away from my house. He was handsome, but his nose was a little too straight, his hair a little too long and not quite the right shade of brown. His hands were too smooth and he didn’t have tattoos, but he was kind and sweet and I was pretty sure he would never make me feel worthless, but he would never make me feel alive either because he wasn’t Elijah, the man who only seconds before I’d been thinking I hated and never wanted to see again.
“Amy,” he said, glancing at me. “What’s wrong?”
As I stared at Leon, the only noise was that of the windscreen wipers swishing against the pouring rain, and I found myself breathing in time with them. Their sound was the tick tock of a clock, counting down the minutes of silence.
“Have you forgotten something?” Leon’s voice was a little more persistent, maybe even impatient.
As images of my kiss and my argument with Elijah flitted through my memory banks, I curled my hands into fist and took in a deep breath.
“Stop the car.”
“What? Why?” Leon’s brow furrowed, but he kept on driving.
“Leon, just stop the car,” I cried, leaning forward to pick up my bag from the foot well.
“Are you going to be ill? Shit,” he groaned, indicating to pull into a side road. “Please don’t be sick in my car.”
“I’m not going to be sick.” I reached out and touched his hand that was on the gear stick. “I’m so sorry, Leon, but I can’t go away with you.”
“What the hell are you on about?” His eyes went back to the road, as he pulled up alongside the pavement.
“I’m sorry, Leon. I can’t go with you.” I turned to unbuckle my seat belt, agitatedly pressing the release button twice, before getting free from its confines. “I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, you fucking said,” he cried, holding his hands up. “But why the fuck not? It’s all paid for.”
“I know,” I shook my head. “But I just can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”
“Too damn right it’s not fair. I paid for a weekend away, I thought it’s what you wanted.”
“I’ll pay you,” I said, scrabbling in my bag for my purse. “I don’t have much on me, but I can give you some.”
“It’s not about the damn money; I just want to know why you can’t go? Is it the double room, because I’ll sleep on the floor if it’s that?”
He looked distraught and I hated myself for letting us get this far. In fact, I hated Elijah for making me doubt about letting us get this far. I’d been fairly happy, enjoying my time with Leon before Elijah had pulled his damn mind tricks on me.
I shook my head. “No, it’s not that. I just can’t.”
“That’s no fucking answer, Amy. I deserve something better than ‘I can’t’.”
I watched as his eyes searched my face for an answer. I saw how he was slumped back in the driver’s seat and how his knuckles were white on one hand, from gripping the steering wheel. He was right; he did deserve a better answer.
“I’m still in love with my ex-husband,” I rushed out on a heavy breath. “I hate him too, but more than anything I love him and I just can’t be with anyone who isn’t him.”
As a sob escaped from my mouth, Leon let out a sigh of defeat and shook his head.
“Just go,” he snapped and turned to look through the windscreen at the rain pelting down.
“I am sorry, Leon.”
He didn’t answer me and I’d barely closed the car door when he sped away.
As the rain lashed down around me, I didn’t even watch him go, instead I pulled my phone from my bag and hoped to god that Sam’s work number was still the same.
