Page 93 of Elijah
Elijah
aged 28
“What, like technically you were with me, when you slept with Lauren?” Amy spat at me, lowering her legs to the ground.
“Amy,” I growled. “I thought-.”
“What, you thought one kiss, one quick fuck and I’d forget everything that you did to us?”
I ran a hand down my face, as Amy backed away from me. Shit, I’d well and truly fucked things up.
“I just assumed that this,” I waved a finger between us, “meant that we were at least getting to a place where we could move forward.”
“Yes, we were,” Amy snapped, holding a hand against her throat. “Until you let slip that you were still with your girlfriend, who lives with you.”
“I didn’t know that you knew Mia lived-.”
“Yes, well I fucking did, which makes this worse, you thought you were hiding it from me!”
“I wasn’t hiding it. I just didn’t know you knew.”
“Well, I do and you led me to believe that you were over.”
Tears were shining in her eyes and I felt like a complete shit – again.
“When?” I asked in a soft voice. “When did I say that?”
“Just ten minutes ago,” she cried, taking another step back. “You said you couldn’t move on. You intimated it.”
“I’m sorry if that’s what I did. I know I should’ve been clearer, but it makes no difference to how I feel about you. I love you Amy. I want to be with you. Now and always.”
“But you have a girlfriend. How do you think that makes me feel, especially considering Lauren Fucking Proctor?”
I stamped my foot in frustration and let out a groan. I was frustrated that Amy couldn’t see the bigger picture, but I was more frustrated with myself that I’d cocked things up and had been stupid enough to listen to Sam and not speak to Mia first before telling Amy how I felt.
“She’s been away for weeks,” I started, desperate to explain.
“Oh, so you’re feeling neglected and thought a quick hook up with the ex-wife might fill the gap.”
“No,” I cried. “Don’t be so fucking stupid. I was an idiot for not talking to Mia first, but I wasn’t sure how you were going to react-.”
The slap across my face was hard for such a tiny hand, and it stung like hell, but I knew I deserved it. I’d fucked things up in enormous proportions. Every time I’d opened my mouth I’d made it worse. Maybe I should have thought things through first, but hearing Amy say she was going away with Leon had killed me.
“I was just a damn backup plan, wasn’t I?” Amy sobbed as big, fat tears rolled down her face. “Actually change that, Mia was a backup plan in case I wasn’t the sure thing you thought I’d be.”
I held a hand out, wanting to comfort her, but the fire and distaste in her eyes warned me not to.
“That wasn’t how it was, Amy,” I whispered, still feeling the sting of her palm on my face. “I swear to you. I know I’ve handled this all wrong, but the reason I’ve done and said these things is true and honest. I don’t love Mia like I love you. I will never love her like I love you. I’ll never want anyone like I want you. I crave for you with every part of my being. I love you with all of my heart. I need you. I want you, no one else, ever.”
Tears were now wetting my cheeks too, but my obvious pain didn’t change Amy’s demeanour. In fact, she seemed to harden even more. Her spine straightened as she swiped at her cheeks with her palms.
“I so wanted this, Elijah,” she said, her voice hard. “It was all I could think of, us getting back together. I was willing to forget and maybe even part of me believed you,” she sniffed. “But you’ve just proved to me that we can never happen. Too many years have gone by, too much has happened and you lied to me again, at a point when I really needed to believe and trust you. You spoiled what should have been one of the best moments in my life, in our lives, but you ruined it, Elijah. You just ruined it.”
Her tears were coming fast and strong as her chest hiccupped with sobs. I thought my own heart was going to break. I had been so close to getting the only thing I craved in my life – my wife back.
“Amy please don’t,” I begged.
She shook her head. “No. Don’t ever speak to me again. Don’t even approach me. We are over. It’s not and never will happen because if you can lie to me now, how can I ever trust you?”
