Page 91 of Elijah
He stopped and turned, stalking two steps away before quickly coming back in my direction and stopping in exactly the same spot.
“Elijah, I don’t…”
I could see he was torn, the pain in his eyes, the stoop of his shoulders, but I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to be told to stop holding out hope for us because we wouldn’t be getting back together.
“You don’t need to,” I said, standing up.
His hand landed on my shoulder and pushed me back into my seat.
“No, I do. Please listen.”
A cold shiver ran over me as Elijah blew out a breath. His panic and anxiety spread to me as the glass in my hand started to shake. I put it on the floor and clasped my hands between my knees, hoping to stop them trembling, but the shiver of fear had enveloped my whole body as I fought against tears.
“I don’t want to hear it,” I blurted out. “I don’t need you to tell me, Elijah. I know there isn’t any chance for us, I really do, but please don’t say it. I’ll go.” I stood up again and wrapped my arms around my waist, trying to stem my anxious shaking. “You don’t have to say it. I know.”
“No, that’s it, Amy, you don’t know.”
His hand reached out to touch my elbow, but he quickly withdrew it as if I’d been icy to his touch.
“I do know,” I responded, shaking my head.
“Amy, just listen to me, please.”
His voice was determined as he pointed to the bench seat that he’d made, where I’d been sitting, waiting to hear the only man I’d ever loved tell me that we were well and truly over.
“Amy, sit,” he commanded when I hesitated.
Gulping and feeling my heart thud, I did as I was told and sat back down. Taking a deep breath, Elijah took two steps back and looked up at the darkening sky before bringing his gaze back to me. He still didn’t speak and I was getting more anxious and more impatient – and a little pissed off, if I was honest.
I knew what he was going to say, so why was he dragging it out and making me feel more crap than I already did. I felt sick at the thought of what he was going to say, how he was going to take away any hope that I had and I hated him for it. Hated him for dragging my pain out.
“Amy,” he suddenly said, looking down on me. “I’ve loved you since we were seventeen years old, you know that.”
I nodded, chewing on my lip.
“I’ll always love you, no matter what. No matter who I’m with it will always be you who took my heart first. You’re the one who I always wanted to spend my whole life with.”
“But?” I asked, hearing the past tense in his statement. “Tell me, Elijah.”
Tears I really didn’t want to shed, started to trickle down my cheeks as I looked up at the man I would always love, but who was about to crush me.
Elijah shook his head. “There is no but,” he whispered. “And that’s the fucking problem, I can’t move on, I thought I could, but since you’ve been back you’ve turned my life on its damn arse. I can’t think about anyone or anything but you. Every minute, all I care about is where you are, what you’re doing, are you thinking about me.
“I was happy until you came back. At least I thought I was.”
“And now?” I asked, my voice small and timid.
“And now,” he sighed. “I have no fucking clue how I survived without you. How I thought you were someone I could move on from. I can’t be with anyone else. I don’t know how to.”
As Elijah’s long, calloused finger ran down my cheek, the air rushed from my lungs and every part of my body lit up like the Christmas tree on Trafalgar Square. I was basking in the warmth that his words and touch gave to me and inched forward, needing and hoping for more.
“I love you, Amy. I swear I would never and have never done anything that would hurt you. I know you’ll find it difficult to believe that after what you saw, but I need you to want to try baby, because I can’t live without you by my side any longer. I’m emotionally crippled without you. I want you back in my life, in my bed, in my future.”
Without thinking, wondering, or considering, I threw myself at him. I flew into his arms, wrapping mine around his neck, my legs around his waist and slammed my mouth to his.
We kissed passionately, a feverish mix of desire, need, and longing, desperate to satisfy the hunger for each other. It was bliss and felt as though we’d never been apart. Every sweep of Elijah’s tongue, the feel of his lips, the pressure of his mouth on mine, it was a beautiful memory brought back to life.
Elijah’s hand slipped under my loose top, warm against my cool skin, and I thought that I might explode with the joy of finally feeling his touch again.
