Page 62 of Elijah
Elijah
aged 22
Elijah:Hey gorgeous, sorry but I’ve done something you may not be happy about xx
Amy:What!!??
Elijah:I opened the bathroom cabinet while I was having a wee xx
Amy:And??
Elijah:Your box of tampons fell out xx
Amy:And??
Elijah:They fell in the toilet xx
Amy:Okay?
Elijah:I fished them out and put them on the radiator to dry xx
Half expecting the last message to result in a call, I wasn’t surprised when my phone began to ring, knowing Amy would be on her way home from her new job in the design section in a local department store.
“Hi.”
“Please tell me there aren’t tampons drying out on the radiators.”
Amy sounded a little pained, but I didn’t understand why. I thought it had been an ingenious plan.
“Yeah, they all fell in, it would have been a total waste,” I explained.
“But they’re covered in pee!” she cried.
I held the phone away from my ear and moved aside to let a lady with a trolley pass me down the aisle.
“They were in the wrappers. They’ll be fine.”
“Elijah, really? You think I’d use them after that?”
“I dunno,” I replied with a shrug. “Don’t see why not.”
“Well of course I bloody wouldn’t. That’s disgusting.”
“Okay, so I’ll get you some more. I’m in the supermarket now, what sort do you want me to get.”
There was a pause on the other end of the line and all I could hear was the faint sound of Amy’s breathing.
“Amy?”
“What?”
“What sort of tampons do you want me to get?” I asked, making my way to the toiletries aisle. “Is it the ones in a blue box or the supermarket’s own – which ones?”
“Don’t worry about it,” Amy responded, sounding a little tentative.
“I know what tampons are,” I argued, rolling my eyes. “All I need to know is what brand.” As I reached them, I crouched down to study the boxes. “There seems to be different sizes. Does that depend on the size of your-.”
“No Eli!” she snapped, cutting me off. “It doesn’t. Now just go and get what we need and forget about the damn tampons.”
