Page 49 of Elijah
“Oh, okay. Is Claudia going with you?” he asked, taking a sip of his beer.
“Yes, but only for a week and then she’s coming back to keep the office running.”
“Where is she tonight, by the way? I think Bob was going to try his luck again.”
I began to laugh, remembering the day in the kitchen all those weeks ago. “She had a family commitment, her girlfriend’s dad’s seventieth birthday party.”
Elijah nodded and then turned back to watch Sam. Suddenly everything seemed a little awkward as it had with Sam earlier and I couldn’t stand it. We were inches apart and every time he breathed or moved, his arm brushed mine, sending my heart into overdrive. My body was yearning for his touch, it knew it and had missed it.
“It’ll be strange not seeing you at the house on Monday,” he finally said.
I turned to face him, watching as his eyes stared at my lips and then moved over the rest of my face. I held my breath as he reached out a hand and took a strand of my hair between his thumb and forefinger.
“I’ve got used to seeing you.” His voice was soft and his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “It was like the last five years had never happened.”
My heart stalled as his arm dropped to his side, before shoving his hand into the pocket of his jeans. This was it, if I was going to do anything I had to do it now before I left town for a month. If I didn’t, I might regret it more than not listening to him five years ago.
“Elijah,” I whispered, taking a step closer to him. “I-.”
“I can’t Amy,” he said, holding up a hand to stop me advancing any further. “I’m so sorry, but I just can’t.”
Goose bumps sprang up over my skin and the warmth I had been feeling in my chest had chilled to an aching iciness. My body felt as though it had been doused with cold water.
“I’m sorry,” I gasped. “I shouldn’t have. I just...” I had no idea what to say to him. How could I have got it so wrong? “I’d better get Rach, Adam is picking us up soon.”
I glanced at my watch, realising we still had half an hour, but I had to get out of there, even if it meant waiting in the cool night for Adam to pick us up.
“You don’t need to go,” Elijah said, putting a hand to my elbow.
“I do, I really do.” I gave him a small smile and picked up my bag. “Thanks for the drinks, and I hope the rest of the garden goes well. Say bye to Sam for me.”
Elijah nodded and drew in a breath. “I will,” he replied running a hand over his head.
Giving him one last smile, I moved away and on unsteady legs, made my way over to Rachel. I had only gone about five or six steps, when I heard Elijah calling my name. I stopped and closed my eyes, wondering whether I should turn around. When I felt his heat at my back, there was no decision to make and I spun around to face him. We were inches apart and as he reached up to cup my cheek, I saw my own pain reflected in his eyes.
“Amy,” he whispered on a croak. “I need to tell you…I want you to know.”
I shook my head. “No Eli, it’s fine. I understand.”
We looked at each other as things that we couldn’t put into words passed between us. With the feeling that I was breaking apart, I turned to leave again, but stopped when Elijah groaned out, ‘Fuck it’. He reached out for me and moved his head closer to mine when something over my shoulder caught his eye. His hand dropped as though my skin had burned him and he took a step back.
“I’m sorry Amy,” he said, his voice low and pained. “I can’t.” And then he stepped away, moving over to Sam.
With tears burning my eyes, I watched as they both left the dance floor and circled around the bar to join a tall, pretty brunette who was unbuttoning her jacket a couple of feet away from me. She was with a group of friends, but when she saw Elijah she squealed and ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck.
“I didn’t know you’d be here,” she cried. “I thought you were going for a meal.”
Eli shook his head, his eyes firmly on her pretty face. “Last minute decision.”
My breath hitched, wondering why he’d lied – coming to Ziggy’s had always been our plan.
“Hey, everyone,” she gushed, turning to her friends. “This is Elijah, my boyfriend.”
I didn’t hear any more, I closed out their chatter and walked over to Rachel, the tears welling in my eyes and my shallow breath instantly telling her that we needed to go. As we moved past Elijah, Sam, and the group of girls, I held onto my friend’s arm for support, and when I heard someone ask the girl if it was this weekend she was moving in with Elijah, I almost crumpled into a heap. Rachel held me tight and guided me outside, and wrapped her arms around me while I cried, waiting for Adam to arrive.
I had no one to blame but myself. I should never have given up on Elijah five years ago and I should never have allowed him back into my heart, because it hurt just as badly the second time around.
