Page 90 of Renegade Roomie

I narrow my eyes. “That wasn’t an answer.”

“I know!” she grins—then takes a look around, and winces instead. The counters covered with to-go boxes and empty cookie packages. “Have you left the house in the last year?”

“Yes!” I protest. “Kind of. For work. I’m still moving full speed ahead with my launch plans. But then that just reminds me of Dash, so I have to come back and wallow… I’ve got my snacks, books, my TV shows, and Marlon Brando. What else could I possibly need?”

Hearing his name, Brando decides to add his two cents. “Cocksucker!” he screeches.

Lorelai smirks. “I have an excellent Cornish game hen recipe that I bet would work great on parrots too.”

Turns out, even Marlon Brando knows when to put a sock in it. He shuts his beak and begins grooming himself instead.

“I don’t understand it,” I sigh. Lorelei pours us drinks, I grab some forks, and we move to the living room and settle in. “How is it possible I’m feeling worse over this teeny-tiny fling than all my actual relationships? Remember Gavin?” I prompt. “Nine months, he dumps me for an Instagram fitness instructor, and I still didn’t feel half as shitty as I do right now.”

Lorelei gives me a sympathetic look and a cocktail glass. “Because you liked Dash.”

“I know,” I say mournfully. “And I feel so guilty about lying to Zelda and his sister. Stupid idiot.”

“Are you talking about him or you?”

“Hey! Whatever happened to supportive friend mode?” I protest.

She shrugs. “You used it all up. I figured one of you would have come to your senses by now, but it’s been a whole week, and you’re both being stubborn idiots.”

“Again, hey!”

Lorelei sighs. “Look… I get that the proposal thing was monumentally dumb, but… Doesn’t it feel like you’re throwing the whole man away? Couples fight, you know,” she points out. “It doesn’t have to mean the end, game over, never speak again.”

“But that’s just the thing, we weren’t a couple—not really,” I sink back in the sofa cushions, miserable. “If he’d told me that he liked me, or wanted to date me for real, then maybe I wouldn’t have blown up like that, but I just felt like such a fool.”

“And you don’t think that maybe the same was true for him?” she asks. “I mean, you didn’t say anything either.”

“A technicality.” I turn my attention to the kung pao chicken, but Lorelei pauses. When I look up, she’s got a wistful expression on her face.

“You know, I had a Dash once.”

I choke on my food. “You… Dated men?!”

She laughs. “Not voluntarily. No, I mean… There was this girl, in college, I was crazy about her. Alison. We were paired up in lit class, she was so annoying, we fought all the time. Until we got to know each other…” Lorelei gets that wistful look again. “And then I had the biggest crush on her. You know when someone just walks in the room, and it makes everything better? You can’t help smiling, just seeing them again.”

I nod. Dammit, that’s exactly how I felt about Dash. He made everything better.

“Anyway, it was like I was stuck in limbo with her. I never knew where we stood. Sometimes, it would feel like she was sending me signals…” Lorelei adds, “Leaning in against me, looking in my eyes too long, but… I didn’t want to get it wrong and make a fool of myself.”

“So what happened?” I ask, curious.

“Nothing.” She gives a shrug. “I never said anything. We graduated, she moved to LA, we lost touch.”

“Then you should reach out!” I sit up, but she shakes her head.

“I looked her up last year. She got married to a marine biologist. They wore matching red dresses and eloped to Mexico. That’s so like Alison,” she says, and I can see the ache in her eyes.

“I’m sorry.” I reach over and squeeze her hand.

Lorelei gives a sad smile. “Me too. But you see, I don’t want this happening to you. To look Dash up ten years from now and see him happy with someone else.”

Damn, I feel an ache just at the thought.

“Exactly.” Lorelei says, seeing my expression. “If you’re going to be an idiot, better to be the idiot who says how she feels, and just takes the shot, instead of the idiot wondering what might have been.”

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