Page 17 of The Love Dealer

Too many people got caught up in being with a good man or good woman and didn’t take into consideration if that was the good man or woman for them. Goodness wasn’t a measure of worthiness in my eyes. There were tons of good men out there. But did they make me feel seen and heard? Did I feel cherished, secure, and safe with them? Did they provide more than money and protect my heart just as well as my body? Were we connected? Could they communicate and prioritize me? Those were the things I cared about as I grew older.

We talked for a second or two more before he finally put the phone in front of my baby. Her face lit up when she saw me and mine did the same. She started rattling off that slurred communication like she always did, and the only word I understood was mama. I’d do just about anything for my princess… except stay seated at a table with her father, where it felt the nourishment I needed to sustain my heart, mind, and soul was no longer being served.

* * *

When my sister,Katrina, arrived, Mom cooked us all breakfast. Dad had to leave for work soon, but he stayed a little later just to talk to me. They were curious about what prompted my trip since I hadn’t been back to Memphis since I was around six months pregnant. When they wanted to see Trin, they came to Dallas, and I lived for those weekends with my family.

Because we were all close, I didn’t bother lying or withholding anything from them. I told them about how difficult it had been for me in Dallas by myself, and my parents got onto me about going almost a year feeling that way. I told them I felt like what I was experiencing was normal and I didn’t want to complain about it or appear weak, and they reminded me it took a village to raise a child. My village was in Memphis, and they all wanted me and Trinity to come back home.

I told them that was heavy on my mind and that I’d discuss it with Nick when I got back. Prayerfully, he would understand and not put up a fight. The great thing was, Trin wasn’t in school yet, so we could create a schedule that worked for us. I was thinking she could stay in Memphis for two weeks out of the month and in Dallas for two weeks. Since his family was here, he could spend holidays here with us. He said he wanted to fix what he felt he fucked up, but it was my fuck up for staying silent, too, so I was willing to compromise just as long as the agreement made sense.

By the time I was done having breakfast and talking to them, I had a video of Trinity from Nick. She was just cheesing in the camera with her little teeth showing. I didn’t realize how much I needed to see that until I got emotional. Was I enjoying my break? Absolutely. But I missed my baby like crazy.

* * *

Alonso was so thoughtful.He recreated our first date from years ago, but an updated adult version. Back in the day, we met at the mall and went to the movies. We ate there before parting ways. A little later that night, he pulled up on me so we could have our first kiss. By the time he was home and settled, he got the phone call from Zakiya about being pregnant with Caprice. I knew something was wrong when he called me so late, but I wasn’t expecting him to tell me he had a baby on the way.

Tonight, we went to the mall, and he took me on a shopping spree. There wasn’t anything I wanted that I couldn’t have. Even things I tried not to get because of the price, Zo purchased. After that, we dropped the bags off at my parents’ house before going to Texas Roadhouse for dinner. I was obsessed with their rolls and beef tips. Then, we watched a movie. Just like our first date, Zo was more interested in me than what was on the screen. By the time we left, I felt like I was back in love with him all over again.

Instead of immediately parting ways, we went to his hotel and had a few drinks at the rooftop bar so we could talk. Listen, I hadn’t planned to have sex with him last night, but I also knew I wouldn’t turn it down if it happened. Alonso was the second boy I’d had sex with back in the day. Even in our young age, he was working with a monster. He gave me my first orgasm, and I was so caught off guard by the pleasure I got scared and wanted him to stop. He had me sprung, okay?

But this version of Alonso… I wasn’t falling in love with him; I was growing in love with him. Getting to know him all over again. Our time was limited, and I was enjoying every second of it. We’d been keeping our conversations light all evening, and I was glad about that. If we got too heavy or talked about our kids too much, my mood would be ruined because I wanted my princess.

By the time we finished our third round of drinks, Zo asked me, “Are you ready to go, or would you like to stay here?”

“Are you ready for me to go?”

Zo sucked his teeth as he extended his hand for me. Our seats were close, but apparently, he wanted me closer. Placing my hand inside of his, I stood and allowed him to lead me over to his lap. I thought he was going to sit me sideways, but he positioned me so that I was straddling him and we were face to face.

There were quite a few people at the bar, and some were scattered at a few tables by the firepits, but I didn’t care about any of them. We had a blaze in front of us and the beautiful starry night sky behind us. That, along with Alonso’s handsome features, were all I could focus on.

Zo looked the same, just an older version of the boy I fell in love with. His skin was the same shade as mine, but his chest and arms were covered with tattoos. Zo was tall and slim back in the day, but he was tall, wide, and buff now. I loved how big he was. He lifted me effortlessly and made me feel safe.

Both of his ears were pierced, and he had stubble along his face that he tickled me with from time to time. Those juicy, medium-sized lips called my name every time he looked at me, and he had the most hypnotic, syrup-colored eyes that held me captive time and time again. The left one was a little lazy and it wassosexy. Zo had the prettiest lashes, and there was a small patch of freckles maybe an inch under his left eye. His hair was cut into a low fade, and God… There wasn’t shit about this man’s appearance I didn’t love.

And don’t even get me started on his dick or the small patch of curly hair at the top of his chest. I thought I was sprung and crazy for Zo when we were younger, but this version of him had me smitten already.

My fingers slid down his cheek as we stared into each other’s eyes. Even though he didn’t answer me right away, I wasn’t in a rush to hear what he had to say. His actions had proven how excited he was to see me and keep me around.

“If it was up to me, I would keep you at my side until you went back to Dallas, but I assume your folks want me to share you.”

A smile spread my lips. “I mean… yeah.” I giggled. “A little.”

He sighed and gripped my hip. “I want you to spend the night with me. Can I take you back home in the morning?”

“I would love to spend the night with you.”

“Good. How are you feeling? You got every nigga in every place we’ve been to staring you down. A lot of men gon’ be in trouble when they leave with their women tonight.”

That got a hearty laugh out of me because I noticed a lot of stares from menandwomen. It was crazy, but in just this small amount of time I’d gotten a huge confidence boost from posting my pictures, Zo’s kind words and attraction, and all the stares I’d been getting while I was out and about. Not to mention, my daddy threatening to bring out his old shotgun and be my security while my mom and sister demanded I tell them what I’ve been eating and doing to keep my body up. Little did they know, this shit had me down bad just days ago.

I knew I was beautiful, but I still had to adjust to my new body. I was used to being super small and seeing these changes was a lot to take in. Then, the man who used to compliment me daily and find it almost impossible to keep his hands off me showed little to no interest in me sexually. I was definitely stuck in my head. Now, I was starting to feel like my confident self again, and confidence always increased a woman’s beauty tenfold, no matter what she was working with.

“Listen… I’m loving every second, okay? I appreciate the fact that I haven’t run into any creeps or men who were disrespectful, though, and that could be because I’m with you.”

“No doubt. You know I got you, and I don’t give a fuck about them looking, either. It makes me proud to know my woman is the most beautiful woman in the room. They can look all they want, but I’m the one that’ll be eating that ass tonight.”

“Alonso!” I squealed as he cupped my breasts and licked and kissed my neck. He’d been on his best behavior so far, but I guess us being in a semi secluded area with darkness around us relaxed him enough to no longer care. “It’s other people up here!” I whispered loudly.

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