Page 94 of Sweet Revenge
She turned at the sound of the balcony doors opening and saw Declan standing in a shaft of light, chest bare, a pair of faded gray sweats riding low on his hips. Even in all her uncertainty, he tugged at her like a siren’s call.
He crossed the balcony in bare feet, sinking down into the spot next to her. She surprised herself by shifting to lean back against his side. It wasn’t that she didn’t love him; it was that she didn’t know if he could be the man she needed him to be. Loving him was the easiest part.
“Another nightmare?” Evie nodded. “You should have woken me.”
“You can’t baby me forever, Declan.”
“Taking care of you and babying you are not the same thing.” His voice carried a note of hurt in it.
“Well, then, you can’t take care of me forever.”
“Why not?”
She drew her legs up to her chest, hugging them tightly as his arm tensed around her shoulder.
“Why did you come looking for me ten years ago?” She turned her head to look at him, and she could see her question had caught him off guard. “Finn told me.”
“Because I wanted to bring you home.”
“Why?”
“Because I loved you.”
She sighed, shifting away when his arm gripped her tighter, holding her in place. He inhaled, slow and deep.
“At first I was angry. I wanted answers your note didn’t give. I wanted to know why and I had to find you to figure it out. But at some point, I’m not sure when, the anger dissipated. I didn’t care why you left. I only wanted you back. I wanted to find whatever made you leave in the first place and make it better.”
He loosened his grip, relaxing when she didn’t move. “I figured you’d gone to New York, or I hoped you had, anyway. I went up to the city as often as I could get away, showed your picture to anyone who would stop long enough to glance at it.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I had Brogan combing security cameras for a glimpse of your face, hospitals, arrest records. If he could hack into it, I asked him to. Cait and I were at our wit's end. We didn’t know what else to do, and one night she suggested filing a missing person’s report for you.”
He huffed out a sardonic laugh. “My father overheard that and finally put his foot down. No more trips to New York, no more wasting syndicate resources trying to find someone who didn’t want to be found. Period.”
“So you let me go.”
His face was etched with hurt, with regret. “I didn’t want to, but I had to. To survive. You left this hole in my life that I filled with work. I couldn’t raise kids with you, so I raised businesses instead.”
He sighed. “When my father died, I channeled even more of myself into my work, largely because people started asking me when I was going to get married and have kids. I couldn’t even entertain the idea of doing that with anyone but you.”
He looked at her then, eyes intense. “And then you were here again. Suddenly back in my world after all this time. I loved the girl I knew more than I thought possible. I love the woman you are now even more.”
He reached up to brush his knuckles across her cheek. “I’m sorry, Evie. For ever making you think I wanted you to be anything other than who you are.”
Tears pricked her eyes as she turned to face him fully, tucking her leg underneath her and scooting closer.
“Wait,” he said when she started to speak. “Let me finish. I do not want to handle you. I think it might be physically impossible.” His lips twitched up at the corners when she laughed. “I have only ever wanted you, exactly as you are. I would change nothing. And that’s exactly what I should have told my father and Sean. I’m sorry I didn’t.”
“Are you done?” She swiped at her tears with her fingertips.
“Almost. I love you. I have always loved you. I will always love you. And I want you in my life. It doesn’t matter how, as long as I can have you by my side. Married or not, I don’t care. I want you in whatever way I can have you.”
“No.”
“No?” He dropped his hand, eyes searching hers before looking away.
“No,” she said again, shaking her head. “Those terms don’t work for me.”
“Okay. Then I—”
