Page 39 of The Confidant
Especially if you were going to have more than one or two.
Growing up, I’d always heard my dad say it was best to start a family as soon as you could and have as many children as you could feasibly manage so that they could be raised in a good home with the gospel.
Putting that off until you were settled into a career was considered selfish, since the Lord would always provide.
God was all about families, and even if my mom had set a different example for me, the High Priest always said that the most valuable thing a woman could do was to bear and nurture her children.
Being too distracted by selfish and worldly desires would just set a family up for disaster.
Hunter used to be on the same page as me with all of this stuff, which was why I’d figured we’d be a good match.
But just last month, Hunter had mentioned something about how his cousin Arie had said that waiting a few years to have kids had been great for him and his wife’s marriage. And then there was that post he’d accidentally forwarded to me when he’d been scrolling through some online forum—the one from a woman with six kids who talked about having a difficult time coming to terms with the fact that her family and religion had pressured her into having six kids. Because now that she had left whatever church she’d belonged to, she felt tricked into taking on more children than she would have had otherwise.
But those people were all raising their children outside of the gospel, so I wouldn’t actually put a lot of trust in their judgement regarding something like that.
“How many kids do you think you want?” Xander asked, bringing me back from my thoughts. The song was coming to an end, so he probably wanted to get all his questions out before a faster song started and we went to hang out with my friends.
“I think maybe three or four,” I said. “That way, they can all be best friends.”
“Sounds like we have similar ideas,” Xander said with a wink. “Maybe we’re more compatible than we knew.”
My body warmed with his words, and as I studied his face, I briefly wondered if he had gotten even better-looking over the past few minutes.
Was it possible that having so many things in common was helping to knock down some of the walls I’d had up earlier? That after opening up a little, I was actually able to see him for who he was versus seeing him for who he wasn’t—my current best friend.
The song came to an end. As Xander escorted me to where my friends were gathering in the middle of the dance floor, I allowed myself to wonder if my dad had some better insights about my right match than I’d originally given him credit for.
The night continued to go well as I let myself just live in this moment and not worry about where any of us would stand after tonight. Hunter and I made eye contact a few times across the circle, and there were some moments when I wondered if he was going to steal that dance he’d talked about stealing. But whenever a new slow song would start and our dates pulled us away to dance, I figured it was probably for the best.
Hunter and I didn’t have to dance ateverydance our senior year.
When the DJ announced that he’d be playing the last song of the night and“You Are in Love” by Taylor Swift started playing through the speakers, my stomach twisted up in knots and my mood instantly shifted.
Because just like Xander had talked about his parents’ wedding song, this song belonged to Hunter and me.
Just stay in the moment, Scarlett, I told myself as Xander pulled me close to him.Don’t think about anything.
But even though I tried to keep myself in the present, right here at the dance with Xander, as the intro played and Taylor started singing the gentle lyrics of the first verse, I couldn’t keep the memories from streaming back.
It was like a music video was ready to instantly play in my mind whenever this song came on. And before I could stop them, all my favorite moments from last year’s spring break started flitting across my mind.
The movie nights cuddled up with Hunter on my mom’s couch.
The long walks in Central Park where we held hands and chatted about our dreams for life after high school.
The breathless dash to the private rooftop above Hunter’s penthouse where we made-out for hours after keeping our hormones in check all day.
So many amazing memories passed through my mind before stopping on the one memory specific to this song—the night Hunter and I had lain side by side on his bed and he told me he had a song he wanted me to listen to.
I could still see everything so vividly. Knew exactly what clothes we’d been wearing as he pulled out his phone and opened it to a playlist he’d titledScarlett and Hunter.
Yes…he was the type of guy to take the time to do something like that.
He’d scrolled down the playlist, through several songs that we’d listened to together, and then clicked on one I wasn’t familiar with.
But even though I’d never heard this song before, as Taylor sang just the first few lines, I knew it was perfect. It was calming and romantic—a song about small moments that might seem ordinary to anyone not paying close attention, but when put all together made up a beautiful love story.
Hunter and I had just lain there, watching each other as we listened to the melody and lyrics that completely captured the slow and steady growth of a friendship blooming into a romance.
