Page 125 of The Confidant
Which was why I hoped to find some semblance of peace after our dinner. I really wanted to sleep through the night again.
Xander seemed to sense how much I was struggling because he set his hand on my knee and said, “I’m sure you’ve been shocked by everything. It’s a lot to take in. Especially since the time for the ceremony is approaching fast.” He gave me a sympathetic look. “I wish your dad would have explained everything sooner.”
“Me too.” I drew in a deep breath, wishing it would calm me. “I’m guessing you started telling me about the spiritual partner thing in your dorm room that day because you were hoping to give me a heads-up.”
He nodded. “I didn’t want you to be completely blindsided.” He removed his hand from my knee. “I expected your dad to mention at least something about it to you several months ago since I’ve had so much longer to consider everything. I just hope that once the shock wears off, you’ll be okay marrying me.” The look of calm he’d been exuding so far slipped momentarily, like he was also nervous over me accepting him. “But I promise to be a good husband to you and a good father to our son.”
Our son.
Another flash of dread passed through me. All I could think about was how a huge part of me wanted to beg Xander to use some of his dad’s billions to have me placed in a medically induced coma for the next several months while my body did whatever it needed to do to get the Chosen One here.
I was sure that whatever the sacred ceremony entailed would be handled in all of the best ways. That Xander would be a complete gentleman through everything and do his best to make me comfortable with whatever happened.
But since the only person I could even imagine being comfortable with enough to kiss, let alone do anything else with, was named Hunter and not Xander, I just didn’t want to mentally or emotionally participate in any of it.
Xander seemed like a great guy and all. He was someone I would have probably been fine dating—if things were different and Hunter hadn’t already stolen my heart. But as things were now, I just didn’t see him like that.
And I doubted I’d see him in that way seven days from now, either.
“I saw how you were with Hunter last week,” Xander said, almost as if he could read my mind. “Is that also causing some hesitation?”
Was I supposed to answer that honestly? Because, of course, me being in love with another guy would make it difficult to pledge myself to Xander.
He must have noticed the way my face burned because he added, “It’s okay, if it is. I wouldn’t expect you to turn off your feelings for him instantly. But…” He swallowed and looked like he was trying to tread carefully when he said, “But I wonder if you see things working out in the long run. Your dad mentioned Hunter has struggled with his faith and I—” He sighed and lifted his shoulders in a shrug. “I just know what kind of a woman you are, and it’s hard for me to see things working out between the two of you in the long run.”
My hands clenched in fists on my lap because I really didn’t like the way he said that.
Like he was suggesting Hunter wasn’t good enough for me.
“You’re just such a special girl—one of the Lord’s elect. The future mother of theChosen One.” He picked up his wine glass. “You deserve to be with someone who can give you the most important things. Someone who can help you build a life that aligns with God’s plan—a life on the covenant path.”
I hated how conflicted I felt because I knew it was what I was supposed to want. Since until recently, it was what I’d always wanted—to marry someone within the covenant. Someone who could support me in raising a family in the gospel.
And as much as I wanted, Hunter couldn’t give me that.
“No matter how much you think you like your friend,” Xander continued, “you are on different paths now, and no amount of loving and caring about each other will change that.”
The waitress brought the plates with our food. After smiling and thanking her, Xander picked up his fork and knife to cut his steak. He said, “And you should probably find a way to break things off sooner rather than later so you can focus on the future with me.”
He said it like it should be easy.
To just drop Hunter and move on with him. As if he was so ready to just run with this revelation.
But I guess none of this was new or sudden to Xander. He’d been going along with everything and trying to date me, hadn’t he? He’d never been half-in or trying to figure things out with his best friend on the side like I had been.
Because unlike me, Xander had known about this revelation for close to a year. He hadn’t been completely overwhelmed with the information and crazy timeline all at once.
I started poking at my fettuccine alfredo, trying to decide if I’d be able to even keep any food down when my stomach was so upset.
As I put tiny bites of food in my mouth, Xander started painting a picture of what our future could be like. Talking about which holidays we’d be spending with each of our families and all the perks I’d have as the wife to a billionaire heir. But I could only half concentrate on the things he was saying because the more he talked, the more I realized that I really did need to end things with Hunter. Probably this weekend.
Everything was moving so fast, and even though Xander seemed excited about everything, I wasn’t ready to hear about Christmas at his family’s cabin in Vail, Colorado. Or summers at their beach house in Nantucket.
He was probably saying it to give me something to look forward to, but all I felt was a spiraling—I needed some air before I suffocated.
I just needed time to slow down.
But the time seemed to be disappearing faster than ever because I only had one week left.
