Page 108 of The Confidant
Would she regret the past thirty minutes when she was reminded of all the differences we had between us?
I didn’t think I could take that happening again.
I couldn’t keep getting my hopes up only to have them crash and burn every time.
I didn’t know if she could somehow sense my thoughts or what, but instead of reaching for the doorknob, Scarlett turned back to me and pressed a soft kiss to my cheek.
“We’ll find a way to make this work, okay?” she said, searching my face.
“You think it’s possible?” I asked, my voice sounding way more vulnerable than I’d planned.
She nodded. “It has to be. We wouldn’t be so perfect for each other if there wasn’t a way, right?”
“I hope so.”
I really hoped so.
When I opened the door for us to leave the journalism room, I looked back to let her pass. As we walked out into the hall, she slipped her hand into mine.
It was the tiniest thing, to walk around the school holding hands.
But today, for me at least, it was everything.
35
HUNTER
The next weekand a half went really well for Scarlett and me. We spent most of our free time together. We talked, we held hands, we laughed, we studied, we kissed—we did all the normal things you’d expect two eighteen-year-olds to do when dating at a private boarding school.
The only thing we didn’t really do was talk about The Fold and where each of us stood with it.
She still went to all her meetings, of course. And I still enjoyed doing other things on Sundays…but I knew it was only a matter of time before it came up again. Important things like that didn’t just stay swept under the rug forever.
Which was why I had been trying to figure out if I was up to attending the service this Sunday. Just to see how it felt.
I didn’t expect I’d ever really be able to believe in it like I used to, but perhaps it was possible to look past the issues I knew were there and only take the good parts.
Or in the very least, attend just enough meetings that Scarlett would feel okay taking a risk staying with a guy who could be physically in the church but mentally out. To look like I was at least a lukewarm member to the rest of the congregation, since appearances were important to be kept up in The Fold, but remain a non-believer in my head.
It wasn’t ideal, of course, and pretending felt icky. But I wanted a future with Scarlett, so it was something I needed to at least try.
If it went okay and it was what Scarlett needed from me, it would also mean that I’d have to get re-baptized in order to look the part. There was a whole interview process that I’d have to pass in order to jump through those hoops, so that was a little daunting.
But I’d listened to podcasts about how to rephrase your answers in such a way that you could still be true to yourself while giving the church leaders what they wanted.
I still wasn’t sure I could do any of that…but it was definitely something I’d been thinking about.
Though, the question was, should I tell Scarlett that I wanted to tag along with her this week and possibly get her hopes up? Or should I just sneak into the back of the chapel, test it out, and only tell her about it later if I thought I could commit to staying in?
“Do you think Xander is still hoping to see you at church?” I asked Scarlett as we rode the train back to Manhattan on Friday afternoon.
“Probably.” She shrugged. “He texted me again yesterday about how excited he was to listen to the High Priest’s talk on Sunday.”
“The High Priest is visiting this Sunday?” I asked, surprised she hadn’t mentioned anything about it before now—having the High Priest in your congregation was a huge deal to members of The Fold. He was like the king or president of the entire church and was seen as God’s mouthpiece on Earth.
“Yeah.” She tucked her hair behind her ear, as if uncomfortable talking too much about church things with me. “He’s going to be talking the last half of the meeting, I guess. My dad has been excited for weeks since it’s such an honor. And he even has a special interview with him before church.”
“A special interview?” I raised my eyebrows, knowing what a big deal it was to get one-on-one time alone with someone of his status.
