Page 32 of The Hot Mess

It seemed like she was gone longer than she needed to be, but all I could do was sit there with my eyes closed, praying to myself that this really was just me overreacting. The test would be negative, and my mind would be put to ease.

But the moment Victoria appeared, with the test in her hands resting in a strip of toilet paper. I knew from the look on her face that I was not overreacting. I had every reason to panic.

“No,” I groaned, collapsing back onto her bed. “Don’t say it…”

“Okay. I won’t.”

I immediately shot back up again. “So there is something to say, isn’t there!? Something beyond that it’s negative!?”

“I’m afraid…it’s not negative.”

“I told you not to say it!” I shrieked, falling back onto the mattress again with my hands over my face.

“I didn’t say it!” she defended. “I told you what the result wasnot.”

The next hour or so went by in a blur. I went back and forth between crying and freaking out and letting Victoria’s comforting words sink in enough to make me feel better, even if it only lasted a few seconds at a time.

“You can’t tell Lucas. He’ll kill Jack, after he killsme.”

“I’m not going to tell him until you’re ready,” she assured me. “But you can’t keep it a secret forever, you know. He’s your brother and your boss. He’ll find out.”

“I’ll run away,” I decided. “I’ll take off and move to another country and then Lucas, Joshua, and Camille will never have to know. God, especially not Camille. She already thinks she’s so much better than me. I’d never hear the end of this from her. I can hear it now.You know how babies are made, Jada. What did you think would happen!?”

Victoria was quiet for a moment. “This won’t be easy, but…there are certain papers your doctor’s office will file for insurance. Not to mention, you’ll need your maternity benefits and leave from work.” Her expression darkened. “I’m sorry, sweetie. But they’re going to find out. If I were you, I’d start building up the courage to find a time to tell them. Maybe if you start planning it now, it won’t be so bad when you finally decide to do it.”

“Not so bad,” I scoffed. “Ha! There’s nothing about any of this that’snot so bad.”

Part of me knew she was right, but that didn’t make me any more in a rush to tell them. I wanted to stay in my safe little cocoon where we were the only two people who knew for as long as I could.

Victoria sat with me for as long as it took to calm me down, and even then we both knew the calm was only temporary.

“Maybe I better go now before I get all worked up again,” I suggested. “The last thing I want to do is break down crying in the back of a cab.”

“It happens all the time,” she told me. “But if you’re sure you’re okay, I’ll walk you out.”

She watched me as I slid into my coat and grabbed my purse. I hesitated to grab the test and the bag of extra tests she had bought as well, but if I left them there it was too big of a risk for Lucas to find them. I begrudgingly stuffed it all down into my purse.

“One more thing. Before you go, I wanted to ask. How do you feel about Jack exactly? If you decide to go through with this, are you excited he’s the father?”

My heart felt like it was cracking in half, because I knew the answer wasyes.

“The real question is how does he feel about me?” I frowned, trying not to start crying again. “He’s the one who broke things off with me. He wants to be free. He doesn’t want to be tied down. If I was already too much of a burden on him, I can’t imagine how much he’d flip out over the prospect of being a dad and raising a kid with me.”

“Maybe you’re right,” she pursed her lips. “But people can surprise you sometimes.”

“I think I’ve had enough surprises in the past couple of months to last me a lifetime.”

17

Jack

“Ihad a feeling I’d find you here.” I towered over Izzy’s perch on her poolside lounge chair, looking cool and calm as ever.

She peered at me over her sunglasses and leaned back with a sigh. “Oh, hello, big brother.”

I sat down in the chair next to hers. “You know, I want my little sister to have a nice, easy life. That’s why the most I’ve ever pressured you into were these damn Heartstring interviews. I’m generous with your allowance from the inheritance, aren’t I? But if all that just gives you time to interfere in my life, then what’s the point?”

“What are you talking about?” she asked, picking up on how angry I was.

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