Page 22 of The Hot Mess

Fourteen hours later, I was back in JFK airport and headed for the familiarity of the busy New York streets. My phone had been out of airplane mode barely five minutes when it started to ring with Lucas’s name scrolling across the screen.

I nearly forgot myself and answered with a smart ass remark on how he must have some sort of sixth sense about when my planes landed. He always seemed to catch me the moment I stepped off, but I quickly remembered he wasn’t supposed to know I had just flown across the world and back for my “personal matters.”

I managed to keep my secret and talk to him long enough to gather he wanted me in the office ASAP. I was exhausted and needed a shower, but I took a cab over to the Heartstring headquarters anyway. For as good as I thought I was at lying, I could still sense a tension over the phone, which only became more obvious when I walked into his office to find him stone-faced and silent.

“Have a seat,” he said dryly, waving me in.

As I got settled, he pursed his lips against his forefinger, wrapping his hand around his chin. It was easy to see something was bugging the guy.

“Troubles with Veronica?” I asked, deflecting any blame. “You seem like you’re in a mood.”

“Call it intuition,” he replied. “Or whatever it is…It’s got me nervous about you and your future here.”

I swallowed hard, trying to keep it cool. “Thinking of rescinding your offer?”

“I’m wondering if that’s what you want.”

He stood and circled his desk for a moment before pouring us a couple of drinks.

“None for me, thanks,” I told him. “Why would you think I want you to rescind the offer? We agreed I’d have a few months to think about it.”

“We did,” he nodded. “And that still stands. I guess I just don’t understand your reservations. You’ve spent plenty of time in New York. You’re familiar enough with the company. Shouldn’t be so hard to envision what it would be like and make up your mind.”

I let out a subtle sigh of relief. If he knew anything about me and Jada, he would have said it right then. But this was something else eating at him, which meant I was momentarily off the hook for at least one of the secrets I was keeping from him.

“I wouldn’t say I’m an indecisive person, but I do make my big decisions carefully,” I explained. “The last thing I want is to accept something that won’t work out in the long run and be forced to leave you hanging and disappointed in me. I’m just being cautious.”

He considered it for a moment. “I guess I appreciate that. But…I have to ask. Are you leaning any particular direction?”

“No, not yet.”

He exhaled, and I knew he was disappointed. I felt like a kid being scolded, only it was for something I didn’t do…and the things I had done, he was still oblivious to. But I sure wasn’t. Not only had I slept with his sister, I was still jet-setting around and working for other people. Both of those things were eating at my gut, making me feel like a horrible friend.

“You’re going to take every second of these next couple of months to make up your mind, aren’t you?” he smirked.

“That was the agreement.”

“I know…” he groaned. “I guess I just thought…the offer was good enough…and we’ve come so far around here. I thought after a couple of weeks, you’d be sold.”

“I am weighing all of my options carefully. And when I do make up my mind, you’ll be the first to know,” I assured him.

“I suppose that’s all I could ask for.”

I winced a little. If he only knew. He could have asked me to never lay a finger on his sister again, if he knew. He could have asked me not to take my time away from the company to cheat on them with other consulting jobs, if he knew.

My guilt and stress were through the roof by the time I smoothed things over, temporarily, and left his office. It would only make things worse if I left yet again to go home and get settled after the long trip. I had to continue onto my office and started gearing myself up to work a whole day as if I hadn’t just stepped off an international fourteen-hour flight. I would never let any other guy who signed my checks back me into corners like that, but when that guy was such an old close friend, things were different.

When I was stressed I would usually act out, often being tempted into doing the very thing that was the cause of the stress. And that’s exactly what was plaguing me the rest of the day. Jada devoured my thoughts even more than before, and I had the itch to see her again. More than just seeing her, I had the craving to do everything I swore we wouldn’t do again.

I kept my head on my shoulders and behaved, staying holed up in my office to avoid running into her. One look at her in the flesh again, and I was certain my defenses would be shot. But it was no small feat. Controlling my impulse made my stress worse and left me unbearably restless.

Still, I made it through the day without incident. I didn’t run into her, or anyone for that matter. By six o’clock, Lucas was gone for the day and I thought it was finally safe to venture through the office to head home. Finally, I could have that shower and sleep I so desperately needed.

But I wasn’t as safe as I thought. I wasn’t even half-way across the workroom floor when I caught sight of her.Just keep walking, Jack. Just keep walking.

But my feet betrayed me, skidding to a halt right outside her door. The office was deserted for the night, all except for her, hunched over her desk next to a lamp, the only light in her dark room. I lingered near the doorway for a moment, just watching her.

A strand of hair hung down over her eyes, her hand spread across her forehead. She leaned against her elbow on the desk, staring down a stack of papers while tapping her pen on the corner of them. Every few seconds, she’d draw a line through some words on the page or scribble notes in the margins.

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