Page 19 of The Hot Mess

It was hard to imagine not treating her differently. I had been doing that from the moment I got back, at least since I started noticing how confident and gorgeous she had become. But the poor girl needed some kind of token of reassurance after everything she gave to me…and the unceremonious departure I was being forced to give her.

“Absolutely. Nothing will be weird.” I stepped forward, feeling the urge to kiss her forehead. But that seemed like the wrong signal to send, so I reached out my hand to shake hers instead.

She winced a little, but cordially shook my hand back. It felt all wrong, but I was quickly distracted by the time on the stove behind her.

“Shit!”

“You have to go. I know. I’ll get out of your way,” she said, grabbing her purse before heading to the door.

I stood there with my lips parted, wanting to say more. But my tongue froze. No words came out. She flashed her eyes at me one last time before shutting the door behind her. Gone, just like that. And I needed to do the same.

My phone rang as I was piling up my suitcase and things by the front door. It was Lucas—the last name I wanted to see. I was betraying him two-fold. I fucked his sister and now I was racing off to cheat on him with another job. Some great friend I was turning out to be.

10

Jada

Iwas flooded with a mix of emotions as I walked home from Jack’s place. There was an ecstatic stirring inside me that oozed out and wrapped around me like a warm blanket, drawing a smile to my face. My body quivered with the fresh memories of his sounds, his taste. How good it felt to have him stretch me out and break me in. I wasn’t a virgin anymore. The words rolled around in my brain like a new song I never heard, but knew it was going to be a favorite. AndJack Landsonof all people had been my first. High school me would have never believed I’d find myself walking in these shoes.

But there was also a dark cloud hovering over it all, thanks to his weird behavior that morning. He couldn’t get me out of there fast enough, and if I tried to linger, he made it clear he was about to walk out and leave me there. It wasn’t exactly romantic…or what I had hoped for the morning after my first time. But that’s what I got for waiting so long to lose my virginity. Having too-high hopes and expectations was what turned me into an adult who had never had sex. I knew when I finally ripped the band-aid off, it wasn’t going to be like one of my romance novels.

Jack certainly wasn’t forthcoming about what he was rushing off to.Personal matters.I would have asked Lucas if he knew anything, just to satisfy my curiosity. But that would have inevitably broken our pact not to tell anyone what happened between us.

I wasn’t exactly clamoring for anyone to know Jack and I had sex. It wouldn’t look good for me or my position at the company. So, his request shouldn’t have bothered me. But I had the nagging feeling that maybe his motivations were different.Was he ashamed of me?

Or the more likely explanation…I wasn’t the only girl at the office he had slept with. For all I knew, he had a girlfriend out there somewhere. Or maybe several. And that’s why he couldn’t have our little secret getting out.

He probably had girlfriends all over the place and was racing off to see one of them that very moment. The thought stung, but I didn’t really have a right to be upset. It was what I signed up for.

I meant what I said. I really didn’t expect anything more to come out of it. That didn’t curb my wishful thinking, but I was determined to keep my head on straight and be realistic.

I caught a glimpse of my reflection in a shop window and couldn’t help but smile. I had a new look, and now I was a new woman. A woman whohad sex. Casual sex at that.

I did a little spin, ignoring the passersby just as much as they tried to ignore me, like I was a crazy woman. I wasn’t about to let whatever emotional, unreasonable dark cloud of icky feelings that was trying to settle over me steal my moment. It didn’t matter what Jack had going on. This new life of mine was aboutme, not him.

After running home to shower and change, I was off to my next interview session for the new Heartstring campaign. Mike Rosner was a professional athlete who was actively dating on the site, and he was a part of my group of seeking singles I planned to feature.

I met Mike at a lunch spot downtown. He was tall, fit, and handsome…as I’d expect a pro athlete to be. He also had a cocky sort of air to him…like I’d also expected. Normally, someone like that would have intimidated me. But I was doing my best not to let those kinds of things stop me anymore. After just a few short weeks of working on my insecurities, the pay-off had already been immense, and I was determined to stick to it.

“You’re prettier than I expected,” he announced after I introduced myself.

“Thanks. I guess.” I sat down, which prompted the waiter to come over. I wouldn’t normally drink at a work meeting, but this Mike didn’t seem like the type to judge or care. And my new mission was to do the opposite of whatever I would normally do.

“A mimosa, please.” I smiled as the waiter nodded and zipped off.

“So, you’re looking for love on Heartstring?” I asked, pulling out my pad and pen.

“I guess so,” he shrugged. “Something like that.”

“You don’t know what you’re looking for?” I questioned, always amazed by people who got on our site for hookups. There were better apps for that. Ones that were infamous for serving hook-up culture.

“I guess I’ll know what I’m looking for when I find it,” he smirked. “I’ve been on about ten dates from the app so far. The women have all been really cool. Hot…funny, all that. I haven’t met anyone I really see as being part of my future yet though.”

“Do you find that discouraging?”

“Nah,” he waved. “It’s all an adventure. What happens, happens. I don’t like to force things.”

I wrinkled my brow, wondering what he expected to happen from a dating site. You meet someone. If you like them, you date. If it goes well, you spend your lives together. Maybe get married and have kids. It seemed pretty straightforward to me. I didn’t understand this muddled world some people seemed to live in, wanting love and not wanting it at the same time.

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