Page 74 of Breathe
“My apartment. I got my keys back.” Her eyes slid away from his.
“Carl told me. You really want to go back there?”
“Yes,” she said, and made an attempt to smile. “You know me, need my stuff around me to feel better.”
Your stuff would look fine right here. But at least she wasn’t saying she was leaving for good. “Okay. You want some dinner first?”
“Oh, no,” she said quickly, as if she couldn’t stand one more minute in his company. “I’m not hungry,” she covered. Kane folded his arms. “Do you think we could go now?”
He looked at her as he’d looked at her weeks ago, when he hadn’t expected to see her again. How much more precious was she to him now? Her wet hair, neatly combed but dripping a damp patch onto her blouse. Her blue eyes, that had been so cold at first, and then flashed such fire at him. Her natural passion when she’d been shouting at him and later, when they’d made love.
Maybe he’d mistaken passion for love. That was what he might have to accept.
“Sure,” he said, past the lump in his throat. “I’ll get a case for your things.”
He watched with the intensity of a hawk as she put on her coat and said goodbye to Carl, whom she allowed to hug her, Kane noticed. Carl opened his eyes very wide to Kane over her shoulder, but Kane shrugged.
“Thanks for all your help,” she said to Carl.
“So long, sweetheart,” Carl said. Kane could have hit him then. Give me the words, he begged silently. Don’t just let me let her go.
The weight over the two of them lasted all the way to her front door, Kane saying nothing, Ellen opening her mouth a few times, but apparently also not finding the words.
When she got her keys out and made to open the door, Kane put his hand over hers. It seemed to be the signal she’d been waiting for. “They’re transferring me,” she said in a rush.
He was standing very close to her. He could smell his shampoo in her hair. A single bulb illuminated them from above. “When?” he said.
“After Christmas. I’m going home for Christmas and then... wherever I choose.”
Kane slumped against the door frame. “Ellen,” he began.
“I wanted to say thank you,” she said over him, her voice tight. “I’ve had such... such a good time. Thank your family, too, will you?”
“No, I won’t thank my goddamn family,” he growled. Angry felt a lot better than the black fist crushing his heart. “Why? Why are you leaving?”
“Because I’m being transferred.”
“So ask to stay.”
“I can’t. If I want to move up the ladder—”
“Bullshit, Ellen. You love what you do now. You really want to run a whole hotel? You really want to move all over the world? You love it here. You really want to start again?”
She pressed her lips together; her face had gone white. “What if I say yes?”
“Then I’ll know you’re lying, because it’s me you want to get away from.”
Her jaw worked for a moment. “Kane,” she said, as if she had to explain something simple, but her eyes were miserable, “it was always a dream. We knew I would have to leave.”
“Ask to stay,” he said again. “Change your mind. It’s permitted, you know.”
“I don’t want to stay,” she whispered, again unable to look at him.
“Because of last night? You can’t make a life-changing decision like this right now. I know it was devastating. I know it reminded you of... before. But don’t leave. Give yourself some time.” His throat closed over. “Give me some time.”
The tears that were burning in his chest started in her eyes. “I can’t,” she whispered. “I can’t. I have to go home.”
“Make your home here. Stay.” He mustered the bravery to say it. “Stay with me. Please.”
