Page 18 of Next in Line

‘Why haven’t I seen you for such a long time, Papa?’ asked Jojo as she tore the wrapping off her gift.

‘Shall I tell her?’ said Ross, turning to William.

‘Yes, of course,’ said Beth before William could reply. ‘But you’d better have a good excuse, because young ladies don’t like being stood up without an explanation.’

‘I’ve been on an intensive close protection course,’ said Ross as he sat cross-legged on the floor next to his daughter. ‘Top secret,’ he whispered.

‘Details, details!’ demanded Artemisia, imitating her grandfather.

‘For the past six weeks, I’ve been learning how to drive backwards in the rain and perform a J-turn before taking off again at high speed.’

‘What’s a J-turn?’ Peter asked as he took a model police car out of its box, wound it up and set it off, lights flashing, sirens blaring.

‘You have to be able to turn a half circle while going backwards,’ said Ross, ‘so you’re facing in exactly the opposite direction, and can move off quickly.’

‘Is that where Princess Diana lives?’ asked Jojo, staring at a picture of Buckingham Palace on her Lego box.

‘Of course it isn’t,’ said Artemisia as Jojo tipped the contents out onto the floor. ‘My friend lives at Kensington Palace with the Prince of Wales, and Ross, who takes care of her.’

‘Do you have a gun?’ asked Peter, pointing a forefinger at Ross.

‘Yes, but my predecessor didn’t once have to draw his weapon during the time he worked for the Princess.’

‘And let’s hope you don’t have to,’ said Beth.

‘What does predecessor mean?’ asked Artemisia as she fixed a large Lego cornerstone in place.

‘The person who had the job before Ross,’ explained Beth.

‘Does the Princess have a police car like mine?’ asked Peter, winding it up again.

‘Sure does,’ said Ross, ‘and I sit in the front passenger seat, while the Princess sits in the back with her lady-in-waiting.’

‘What’s a lady-in-waiting?’ asked Jojo as she picked up a window and checked the picture on the lid. It didn’t help that the palace had seven hundred and sixty windows.

‘Someone who accompanies the Princess whenever she attends an official function,’ Ross explained. ‘Usually a close friend.’

‘I’d like to be a lady-in-waiting,’ said Artemisia.

‘What about protocol?’ said Beth with a wry smile. ‘Did they teach you how to behave in front of a member of the Royal Family?’

‘You bow from the neck, not the waist, while making sure you always address them by their correct title,’ said Ross looking up, ‘and you must never ask a member of the Royal Family a question.’

‘That must make for a one-sided conversation,’ suggested Beth.

‘How would I address the Queen if I met her in the street?’ asked Jojo.

‘You would curtsey, not bow, and address her as “Your Majesty”,’ said Ross as Artemisia fixed an archway into the front of the palace.

‘What about Arti’s friend, Princess Diana?’

‘“Your Royal Highness”, when you first meet her, then “ma’am” during any further conversation, and “Your Royal Highness” again when the conversation ends and she moves on.’

‘Good morning, Your Royal Highness,’ said Artemisia as she stood up and curtsied.

‘But surely if you’re a friend like Arti,’ said Jojo, ‘you can call her Diana?’

‘Certainly not,’ said Ross, with mock horror. ‘Not even her lady-in-waiting addresses her by her Christian name.’

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