“Also, I’ve been meaning to say… I know we haven’t told anyone about the pregnancy,” he said, his voice more serious. “I reckon you might want to, but I’d appreciate if we didn’t for a little bit longer.”
“You mean after your six months are up?” she said, cutting to the chase. She had that in the back of her mind as well. She didn’t want to distract the shareholders from his performance, which had been fantastic. If they found out he impregnated his assistant before the six-month mark, they might pressure his father or himself on his promise to step down from the position. “I’m not going to tell a soul.”
“Thank you,” he said.
She glanced at him, and holy fuck, was he handsome. Pretty soon, she’d be the size of a planet and he’d still look just as hot. And guess what, girl? He’s never going to have sex with you again. The possibility sank inside her, causing anxiety to creep under her skin.
She would be a mother, after having had sex once. One fucking time, with both of them half-dressed. Well, he was fully dressed and she was half-dressed. Even worse, she never got to enjoy seeing his body up close.
After the baby was born, not only would she have her hands full, but priorities would shift. An idea took flight in her brain. A very naughty idea. “So… I’ll keep quiet. But I’d like something in return.”
He took off his sunglasses and put them aside. “Like what?”
Like you. Anticipation thrummed in her chest, her heart about to float up her throat and spill out of her. At least she hoped that was what it’d happen and she wouldn’t get sick on him. “You know, there’s something I didn’t tell you when we had sex.”
“What is it?”
She inhaled. You got this, girl. Telling him about having been a virgin when they had sex hadn’t been in her mind, but now she needed to use it to cement her argument. “That was my first time.”
For a beat or two, he didn’t say anything, just watched her like she’d told him that she was a cyborg. Then, a flicker of regret touched his blue eyes. She swallowed, hoping she wouldn’t lose the nice, friendly relationship they’d established in the last weeks.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, breaking the silence.
“I was worried you’d think it was lame.”
“Lame?” He shook his head. “Why did you wait?”
She worried her bottom lip. Shit. Telling him all this was not a good idea. Now, she’d have to tell him more, and make herself more vulnerable. But she couldn’t lie. “It wasn’t a conviction or anything like that. Growing up in a small town, I was into watching games and sports, but the guys I liked were actually not into me. They preferred the girly girls, the ones that were dainty and didn’t say what they were thinking in the first five minutes of conversation.” Had she really been into all those games she watched? A part of her had always wanted a path to connect with her father, so she’d enrolled in as many after school activities and sports as possible. She wasn’t always the best at them, but she tried, to show him she was doing her share. Since not only had she robbed him of his wife, she also hadn’t been born male. But her attempts at finding those points to connect with him didn’t work. The irony of her father’s name being Bill and him naming her Billie wasn’t lost on her. It was like he wanted to show her that she was his, she had his name, but that had been where it all ended.
God, how pathetic was she? Sadness welled inside her, and she looked away.
“They were idiots,” he said, his voice edgy.
She glanced down at her lap, then looked over at him.
He watched her intently, and the warmth swirling in his eyes expanded her heart in her chest. “I’m sorry.”
She waved her hand. “Don’t worry about it.” Last thing she wanted was his pity. How did this sex conversation veer so wrong? “My point is… don’t you see how sad it is that I got pregnant during my first time and haven’t experienced anything else?”
He took a sip of his wine, and stared at her before answering, “Yes.”
“After this baby comes out, I mean, I won’t have time or desire to pursue relationships. I want to be a good mom.”
“You’ll be a good mom,” he said with so much conviction that it was impossible not to believe him.
She bit back a smile. “Yes. I’ll give it my all. But I’d like to have some experience in other areas too.” With you. Definitely with you.
A group of surfers entered the café, a couple of them talking about the menu, and the distraction held their attention for a moment. She shuffled in her seat, fidgeting with her hands in her lap. Should she repeat herself? Be more direct?
He scratched his chin, and squared his shoulders. A serious expression crossed his face. “What are you asking, Billie?”
Her heart did a breakdance routine in her chest. Cold sweat slicked her forehead, and the fear of being rejected nearly consumed her. But damn it, she’d come too close to the subject to drop it so soon. “I want to have sex with you again,” she said, and even though inside she wavered, she managed to say it like she suggested what kind of sweet treat they should order.
“That’s not a good idea,” he said, his eyes giving nothing away.
A small wave of disappointment fluttered in her chest, but she lifted her chin and decided to finish what she started. “It’s what I need at the moment. Since you’re the only person I did it with, it makes sense to do it with you since asking random strangers is off the table.”
His lips tugged into a shameless mocking smile that made her want to reach across the table and kiss him. “And here I thought you couldn’t get over me,” he said.