Page 47 of Cherished Union

CHAPTER17

ADELINA

As I sit in this church, a chill runs through me. It’s been this way since the explosion, I can’t get warm no matter what. It’s been a week since I lost my sister. Seven days since my world imploded. My heart pounds while my throat is lodged with a lump, I’m tired. Bone tired, all I want to do is crawl back into bed and stay there. It’s safe there. I don’t need to worry about people staring at me, about people getting a disgusted look on their face when they see my scar.

I don't want to be here. This is the last place on earth I want to be. My heart is breaking as each second passes. I’m unable to keep my gaze from the casket. The one that carries my little sister, carries my Vivi. Taking her from my parents house and having her live with me and Hayden was meant to be a new start. I fully believed that we would have been happy. Living in Indianapolis, I truly thought that our lives would have been changed forever. Boy was I right? Never in a million years did I think I'd be sitting here at her funeral.

I lost the one person that I love most in this world. I couldn't help her, couldn't save her. I held her dead body in my arms, I was too late. I didn’t save her.

The service continues and yet none of the words being said filter through my mind. I’m numb and empty. I’m not even sure what day of the week we're at. Everything just blurs into one.

I’m struggling. I feel myself drowning in grief, anger, and pain. I don't know how to get out. I don't know what to do. And I cannot ask for help. Because if I do, I'm failing. I'm supposed to be strong. Just like the rest of the Gallagher woman. Supposed to pick myself up when the going gets tough and push through to show the world that we are not weak. But yet I feel anything but strong. I cannot function. I'm weak in mind and body.

A hand rests against my fingers and twine with mine. And I know it's Hayden. Since this all happened, he has been a constant at my side. Always there to offer me support to show me that I'm not alone. And yet I cannot offer him anything back. I'm in a daze walking around but there's no one home. I am floating through life right now and I cannot find a way to come home. I don't know if I want to. The pain of losing Vivi it's too much for me.

The service finishes and my breath catches as my brother's and some of the men bring Vivi’s casket out of the church. The men carry her casket on their shoulders, carrying the lifeless body of my sister. My brother’s faces are stoic, they’re not showing an ounce of emotion.

I step out of the pew and follow behind the casket. I should have known that my parents would have something to say about this. The two of them flank me as we keep a steady pace behind the precession.

“This is your fault,” my father snarls at me, all the while managing to keep his emotions intact. “If you had left your sister with us, she would still be here. She wouldn't have died at the hands of your husband.”

Red hot anger rises through me. “Hayden had nothing to do with this. He did not set the bomb. He is not to blame for the house exploding and he is not the reason that Vivi is dead,” I snap at him. God, why would he blame Hayden? He doesn’t deserve to have the blame placed at his feet. “He isn't the reason Viviana is dead. Do not blame her death on him.” How dare he try and make himself out to be some kind of martyr. Yes, he lost his daughter. But he's right. If she hadn't been with us, this wouldn't have happened. But she was with us because of him and his evilness.

“You are the catalysts of all of this father. Had you kept your hands to yourself and not abused Dario and I, Vivi would have been at home safe and sound. If there is anyone to blame. It is you, not my husband.” Fingers gripped my wrist, I wince as I feel the bite of nails into my skin. I swallow back a gasp. I’ll not show them fear.

“Do not talk to your father that way, Adelina. You know how much stress he has been under? You know just how sick he is. You do not speak to your father that way. He demands respect. He has earned that,” she tells me, all the while keeping her expression one of mourning.

I yank my arm from her grasp and turn to her, anger and hatred rise through me. “He has earned nothing from me. I do not respect him. He is not my father. He is not my Capo nor is he anyone else's. The day he laid his hand on me he ceased being a man I respected. And as for you, Mother, leave me the hell alone.” I pick up my pace and walk out of the church.

Thankfully, Hayden's mom Edwina and his father Liam are here, and Edwina wraps her arms around my shoulder and pulls me in close. “I am so sorry for your loss, Adelina. We adored Vivi,” she whispers with pain in her voice.

I know how much they loved my sister. They brought both me and Vivi into that family as though we belong there. That showed us so much love and compassion. And for that I would always have love for the Gallagher family, not only for the fact that they are my husband's parents, but the fact that they became our second family, and they showed my sister so much love before she died. I'm unable to speak, my emotions are getting too much for me to control. I'm so close to the edge. I can feel the tears welling in my body in my throat and I know that it's only going to be a matter of time before I unleash them. Since I came out of the hospital, I’ve cried only once and that was when I saw my scar. Since then, I’ve bottled everything up not wanting to be weak. And I know that I'm overdue for a cathartic release. But not now. Not here. Not in front of all these people.

The moment Hayden opens the door to the house, I kick off my shoes. I feel so alone. Even though Hayden is right by my side, where he's always been, a constant presence always offering me support.

“Dove,” he says softly, “Why don't you go lie down and get some rest. You've barely been sleeping recently.”

I merely nod, unable to speak at the moment. I haven't been able to sleep since the explosion where we lost two people in our lives that we loved greatly. And I feel so guilty because instead of grieving Killian’s loss, Hayden focuses all his energy on me and trying to help me through the grief of losing Vivi.

I walk through the house, my feet quiet against the floor. We’re currently staying in a different house; I couldn't bring myself to even think about having our house fixed. I'm not sure if I will ever be able to do it. But Hayden found this house. And it's nice. it’s quiet, and it’s secure. But there's no Vivi, there's no happiness, there's no laughter. It's so quiet. I think that's what hits me the most. Sitting in this house alone there's no page turning of books, there's no TV in the background, it’s just utter silence.

I come to my bedroom and catch sight of myself in the floor length mirror that’s in the corner of the bedroom. I swallow hard as I see the red, puffy, jagged scar. I hate looking at myself now. I hate seeing the scar. The plastic surgeon told me that he did the best he could, but the scar would shrink but wouldn’t disappear, he also told me that I would always have a reminder of what happened. I wanted to laugh at his words because I will always have a reminder of that day. My sister died and he thinks that a scar is going to be what reminds me. No, the scar is just an added reminder of everything that I have lost.

Growing up I always heard Adelina, la Bellissima. All anyone ever said was how beautiful I am, and how such beauty is an honor, that I will serve my father so well as he’d be able to trade me for a boss. That my beauty was all I was good for. I was to be seen and not heard. Throughout my life, this is all that has been taught to me. What my parents made me believe. Without my beauty I am nothing. I am not worthy of love or affection. No one knew me for who I truly was. Other than Nonna, Vivi, and Hayden. But with this scar, how ugly it is, how red and puffy it looks, I am no longer Adelina, la bellissima. I am merely the woman with the scar.

Hayden sidles up behind me, his hands slide around my waist, and he presses a kiss against my cheek. I instinctively flinch. I can't help but move away from him. He shouldn't have to touch this ugliness. He deserves so much more than a broken woman. He deserves the absolute world, but he is saddled with me.

“I have to go out to have a bit of business to attend to,” he tells me, his voice filled with hardness that he doesn’t usually have with me. I understand that I’m pulling away and there’s nothing that can help me. Not only that but life goes on. His job comes first.

I'm actually glad of the peace that he'll give me.

“I won't be long,” he assures me as he presses one more kiss against my head.

The moment I hear the door close. The emotion I've been feeling today hits me like a ton of bricks. I sink to the floor as tears tumble down my cheeks. The pain, the grief, and the heartache of losing Vivi unleashes and all I can do is sob.

CHAPTER18

HAYDEN

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