Page 84 of Hateful Union

She presses her tiny face into my neck and settles in. I know that she’ll be fast asleep within minutes. The poor baby just needs some comfort. I carry her, slightly swaying as I walk and before I hit my bedroom, she’s fast asleep.

I sit on the bed, rocking her softly. Trying to figure out a way to get dressed without putting her down as she’ll wake up.

“Ma,” Mayer says as he walks into the room a few minutes later. I see that Malachi is hiding behind him. His little head bobbing to the side so that he can see me also.

I’ve got my back against the headboard, and my feet stretched out in front of me. Olivia is stretched out on my chest, snoring lightly.

Mayer’s eyes flash with disappointment, and I hate that. “We won’t be going in the pool?”

My gut tightens at the sadness on his face. “Where’s your father? He can hold Livie while we go into the pool.” The smile I receive is blinding. “Love you, babies,” I whisper. My words come from the bottom of my heart. I never realized the depth of love you could have for someone until I gave birth and saw my children for the first time.

Mayer’s cheeks flame as he shuffles from foot to foot. “Love you too,” he replies quickly before dashing off in search of his father. Malachi just gives me a toothy smile and follows behind his older brother.

I close my eyes and listen to Livie’s breathing. I did the same when both Mayer and Malachi were born.

Footsteps sound, one heavier than the other, seems as though my son has found his father.

“Hey, baby,” Malcolm says as he walks into the room. Even five years after we met, his voice still hits me in the stomach and sets butterflies swarming.

I open my eyes and see Mal walking into the room with that cocky smile. “Hey,” I reply, the warmth I have for my kids isn’t there for him. I’m pissed. Beyond annoyed with my husband.

The smile falters and he frowns, and he comes to sit down on the bed beside me, his hand resting on my calf. “What’s wrong,mo stór?”

I hate when he uses that soft tone on me with his fancy Irish words. “Going somewhere?” I ask him. I’m unable to keep the bite out of my tone.

He blinks. “Yeah, I’m going to New York. I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone.”

I nod, trying my very hardest not to have the tears that are stinging the back of my eyes fall. “Okay,” I say evenly.

I’ve actually had enough. I never thought we’d get to this point, a stage where I wouldn’t want to be around my husband, that I couldn’t trust him. But that's exactly where we are.

I slide off the bed and get to my feet. “I’ve promised Mayer and Malachi that I’d go into the pool with him,” I tell him, handing him our daughter. “Livie’s not long gone back to sleep, she’s teething and won’t be put down.”

He cradles her against his chest. His eyes narrowed in on me. The confusion written all over his face. “Mo stór, talk to me,” he pleads with me.

I shake my head as the tears that I’ve been holding back for the best part of a year fall. “I have to go,” I whisper as I grab my bikini from the bed and quickly leave the room.

“Mayer, Malachi,” I say loudly so that he can hear me. “Grab your swim shorts,” I tell them as I go into the family bathroom and get out of my towel and into my swimwear.

“They’re already on, Ma,” he yells back and I smile. He’s so eager and excited. I know that soon, the childish ways he has will go and he’ll follow his father’s footsteps. It’s something that I don’t have a say in. I’ve been a part of this world for a long time. I know the rules and I’m expected to obey them. Taking away my son’s heritage from him isn’t something I’d ever do. He’s going to be the next leader of the Clann and I will be here for him just as I am for his father. Showing my love and support, no matter what.

When I exit the bathroom, my boys are already waiting for me, Mayer bouncing on his tiptoes. “Let’s go, baby.”

He scowls at me. “Ma, I’m not a baby.”

I pull him into my body and hug him tight. “You’ll always be my baby, no matter how old you are.” I press a kiss against his head.

His face scrunches up into a scowl and he wipes at the spot where I’ve just kissed. “Ah, Ma, come on.” He shakes his head in admonishment.

“God, you're so much like your father, it’s uncanny.”

That just gets me his impish grin.

“Swim,” I tell him as I take his hand and lead him to the pool and lift Malachi into my arms and press a kiss against his chubby little cheeks. “Hey handsome, are you ready to swim?”

I’m rewarded with that toothy smile and a small nod. “Swim,” he says happily.

I sinkonto the sofa and release a sigh. It’s almost eight in the evening and the kids are all tucked up in bed. Olivia took a while to settle, but she’s fast asleep and snoring softly. I turn on the TV and settle back, thinking about what I should cook for dinner.

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