Page 1 of Lord

CHAPTER ONE

TONIGHT WAS Acelebration. Fuse and Shay brought their newbaby boy home, well, home for now. Their house was supposed to be done weeks ago, but for the next few weeks, the clubhouse will have a new resident Preston Scott Jackson all six pounds of him. Fuse finally took Shay and the baby upstairs to rest. The proud dad that he was, he spent the last few hours showing Preston to everyone. I’ll admit the little guy was cute, and he definitely took after Shay with black hair and light blue eyes.

I sat in a corner in the back of the room, not in the mood to socialize. So instead, I watched as Reader and Nikki helped make Tildie comfortable. Tildie has been at the clubhouse for a few days; she still has a lot of healing to do and is now under the care of Doc here at the clubhouse. Reader wheeled her out in bed so she could be part of the celebration. Tildie is one lucky girl to have survived that beating. But, she is under our protection now and will never have to worry again.

Seeing all my brothers slowly find happiness and love is causing me to be unsettled. Knowing I will never have that kind of happiness. I won’t because any chance at love died three years ago. The hurt won’t go away, and neither will the love I feel for her, which makes me the angriest. I don’t want to feel anything toward her, not hate or love, but there they are, festering inside me, playing with my mind seeing her in the face of every other woman I come in contact with to the point I don’t bed women, it fucks with my mind too much. A blowjob when I feel the need, but even that is rare because she is there when I close my eyes.

“What are you doing in the corner all by yourself, baby?” Jen says as she sits on my lap. I feel like telling the obvious that I want to be alone, but I don’t want to be an ass. “You need company tonight?” Jen asked. Jen was a leggy blond club girl and she always sought me out, trying to get in my bed. I’ve let her blow me several times, but that’s all I want. I used her three years ago, and now she won’t stop.

“No, I’m good, Jen. I’m not in the mood for any company tonight,” I said, hoping she would take the hint and scram—no such luck.

“Are you sure, Lord, a man with a cock your size surely needs some attention?” Jen licked her lips suggestively. Women assume because you have a big cock all you want to do is fuck. At the age of thirty, I have heard so many references regarding my dick I could write a book.

I was about to put her off my lap and head up to my room when I heard a screech from the entryway to the common room. “Oh, my God, you’re back.” I looked over to see Lettie launch herself at someone. I felt my heart speed up and my body stiffen, the hurt coming full force to the surface. There in the doorway stood Sophia Cole, as beautiful as ever, her light blond hair hitting her shoulders, blue eyes, small straight nose and bow lips on a heart-shaped face, and her body fuck, tall and curvy in the jeans and t-shirt she wore, just like I remember. My body warred with my love and hate at seeing her again.

Sophia’s eyes roamed the room and came to rest on me, her expression blank. Then, suddenly, a little girl broke free, running toward Silver. “Pappy, we here,” the little auburn-haired, light green-eyed toddler yelled, running into Silver’s arms. My eyes jerked back to Sophia, not believing what my eyes were seeing. There was no mistake that child was mine; she was my replica. My eye color was rare, so there was no mistake.

What the fuck?Sophia had my child and never told me! How could she do that?

My jaw locked with anger as I watched Silver cuddle my little girl. I went to get up, not even realizing Jen was still on my lap. I pushed her off, so angry right now I was ready to explode. I stomped over to Sophia, grabbing her by the arm. “I think we need to talk,” I hissed at her raking her face with contempt.

She jerked her arm away from me, scowling. “Don’t you dare grab me like that? If you want to talk, we’ll talk but do not manhandle me, Rowen.” Sophia spat at me and walked out the side door that led outside as I followed. As she walked, my eyes went to her ass, and I cursed myself. I should not be lusting after Sophia.

She turned on her heel and said, “So, what do you want to talk about, Rowen?”

“Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell do you think I want to talk about? How about the fact you hid my child from me.” I snarled at her, my anger causing her to step back.

Sophia’s eyes flashed with anger. “I did no such thing. I wrote a letter that same night you betrayed me telling you about the baby, and not only that-.”

I cut her off with an angry growl. “You never told me shit, you lying bitch!” I thundered. Within seconds I found myself shoved against the wall, Silver’s arm pressing into my neck. His usual friendly demeanor had gone, his silver blue eyes showing the hate he felt for me.

“You ever talk to Sophia like that again, and I will gut you like a fish and then cut you into little pieces and use you for bait. Brother or not. You’re the only lying piece of shit I see here, not Sophia. Ipersonallydelivered her letter to your room that night and put it on your nightstand while you and the bitch you had in your bed were still passed out. Had I known what was in that letter, you would never have woken up to see the morning,” Silver snarled, his face red with rage.

“Dad, it’s fine. I will handle this. Leave Rowen and me alone to talk,” Sophia said softly, pulling Silver away from me. Silver gave one last shove of his arm into my neck before backing off and walking toward the fence line, not going back inside so he could keep an eye on Sophia.

Sophia squared her shoulders, taking a shaky breath. “Rowen, I’m not sure why you didn’t read the letter, but I wrote it, inviting you to be part of the baby’s life, and said I would wait two days for your answer before I left town with my aunt. You never called me, but I still gave you a chance; I called you and left a voicemail telling you I was pregnant and where I was going if you changed your mind. You never did.”

I thought back, and she did call me, but I erased the message without listening to it. Could she be telling the truth? What happened to the letter?

“Rowen, no matter what you believe, I wanted you to be part of her life. For God’s sake, I named her Rowena; and listed you on the birth certificate as the father, so her last name is O’Rourke. I wanted her to have a piece of you even if you didn’t want her. So, if you want to be part of Roe’s life, I’m fine with it; I welcome it. Of course, I want Roe to have a father. But let me be clear, I will not allow you to disrespect me like you just did ever again; if you do, you won’t have to worry about dad gutting you; I will do it myself,” Sophia snapped, her eyes shooting sparks and spinning on her heels walking away from me.

I had forgotten Sophia had a temper. She was always sweet until you pissed her off, then she had no problem setting you straight. And I don’t know what the fuck she meant by the night I betrayed her. Did she think I wouldn’t find out what she did? I watched as she walked over to talk with Silver; him coming at me a few minutes ago was the most he had said to me since Sophia left. I would catch him giving me death glares, especially since he got out of prison. So now I know why he thought I abandoned Rowena.

Fuck, I had a daughter. I needed time to let everything I found out tonight sink in. One thing I knew was that I would be in my daughter’s life no matter what. I pushed away from the wall going to the garage and pushing my bike out. I needed to go for a long ride and clear my head. I couldn’t do that here with Sophia so close. I straddled my bike, revved it, and sped away from the clubhouse.

I WATCHED ROWENspeed out on his motorcycle,letting out a long breath, sitting down on the bench outside, and allowing myself to feel everything I couldn’t in front of Rowen. His hatred of me was like a slap in the face, and the way he spoke to me, it took all I had to school my features and not let him see how much it hurt me. Once again, I racked my memory for what could have caused such a change in Rowen’s feelings toward me, and I came up with nothing. One day he loved me, and the next, he hated me, killing everything we had the night I walked into his room.

When I walked into the clubhouse tonight, I felt him right away, and he was still as sexy as he was three years ago, his short thick dark auburn hair, his nose with that cute bump on the tip, his light green eyes, high cheekbones and his mouth with a slight overbite. However, his body was bigger, more muscular like he had been lifting weights to fill out his six-two frame. And reality hit, reminding me of the night he betrayed me sitting right on his lap. It was the same woman who I found in his bed. That night she had looked me right in the eye and smiled, apparently pleased with herself. Seeing he was still with her hit me in the gut. As much as I didn’t want to love Rowen, the fact was I did.

And I hated myself for the weakness.

But, if I’ve learned nothing over the last three years, it’s that you pick yourself up and move on with your life. And at the age of twenty-five, that is what I came back here to do, and the decision wasn’t easy, knowing I would have to see Rowen, but my aunt had health problems and couldn’t help as much with Roe as she used to. But, dad talked me into coming back here and letting him help me out with Roe. Dad even lined up a job for me. So, even though it will be hard being so close to Rowen, I have to do what’s best for my child.

And it was a relief to hear Rowen say he wanted Roe. As much as I know Rowen and I will never be together, I wanted so much for Roe to have a dad, hopefully as good as my dad growing up. She is getting to the age she understands what a daddy is, so I am so happy she will have that.

“You okay, Sweetie?” Lettie asked, sitting down beside me. Lettie and I had become close when I started coming to the clubhouse after mom died. Even though she was a few years older than me, we hit it off. She knew everything that happened with Rowen and me and had kept in contact over the years. But I never asked about Rowen, and Lettie never told.

I sighed, leaning my head back. “It was just so hard seeing how much he hates me. And not knowing why is the worst because I can’t reason it out in my head,” I replied, remembering the venom in his voice. Rowen had a gravelly voice, and when he was angry, it cut you.

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