Page 18 of Save Me

A smile pulls up the corner of my mouth at his words. Maybe he didn’t change as much as I thought he would have. A warmth spreads through my chest at the thought. It’s weird to feel happy that I still somewhat knew him after ten years of no contact and having just left his funeral, but grief is a strange journey that doesn’t always make sense. Being here, learning about his life now, and spending time with his three best friends isn’t the ending I wanted for our story, yet it’s the ending I got so I might as well make the best of it.

Chapter Ten

Alayna

Stepping into the house, my eyes move over everything without the rose coloured glasses of hope and happiness from the last time. It’s a very masculine house, with touches of black, white, and navy blue everywhere. Following the guys towards where I remember the kitchen is, I glance at the living room with the black leather couches, large screen TV mounted on the wall, and glass table in the middle of the room. It’s all very bachelor pad looking, but grown-up bachelor pad.

The kitchen is pretty much the same with modern appliances, black and white checkered tile floor, and deep blue granite counters. The guys all take up different spots, each of them getting comfortable standing around as I climb on the same stool at the breakfast bar as before.

“Anyone hungry?” Rhys drops his keys in a dish on his counter as he takes off his suit jacket. All the guys are taking off their jackets and loosening their ties and shirts as they get comfortable in their home. There’s something so sexy about a man rolling up the sleeves of his dress shirt. With that thought, I look away quickly. That’s a road I will not let my mind walk down right now. There’s more important matters to deal with, I can drool over the small snippets I saw at a more appropriate time.

Shaking my head no, I continue my look around the room to avoid staring at the men in front of me. All of them are different in how they look, yet each is equally as attractive to me. Not that it matters, I’m headed home as soon as I look over Declan’s stuff. They’ll all be nothing more than a memory, just like Declan. There’s no magical happy ending I’m going to find with any of them, I couldn’t even find one with the guy I convinced myself I’d have one with. I don’t deserve a happy ending like that.

“Are you sure?” Rhys grabs my attention, his concerned eyes poking another hole into my wall. He shakes out his shoulder length blonde hair, the movement catching my eyes and throwing my thoughts off track again. “You still seem pretty weak from the panic attack earlier, will you have a sports drink at least?”

“That actually sounds wonderful,” I murmur, putting on a small smile for his thoughtfulness. “I’d also take something really small to eat if you don’t mind.”

My stomach grumbles lightly at the thought, my last meal was a donut that Juliette brought me when she came to grab the cart this morning. It always feels awkward having people be hospitable with me, I never know how to react. Even if I’m starving and dying of dehydration, I will always pause when offered a kind gesture. In my experience it always comes with strings attached to it.

That’s the difference with these three men though, I don’t feel like there are strings attached to any of their kindness. There’s an instinct that I’ve come to rely on when it comes to people, it almost always tells me to proceed with caution, but with them, it doesn’t. They remind me so fucking much of Dec that my instincts are quiet as a mouse, not an alarm to be heard. It’s the same feeling that brought me so close to Declan at the hell house.

“Alayna,” Rhys says loudly, his face at my level and his brows furrowed even more in worry. “Are you okay? You keep spacing out on us.”

“I’m sorry.” I chuckle awkwardly, blinking my eyes rapidly to try and get my attention to stay on the present. “It’s been a crazy couple of days. I’m not normally so spacey.”

“That’s okay,” Riggs assures me, sitting down on the stool beside me. He hands me a piece of what looks like banana bread. “Here, does this work?”

“Does it have nuts?” I inspect the bread before taking it, not seeing any of the disgusting tree sperm.

“No, this one doesn’t. You don’t like nuts?” Rhys chuckles at my grimace and head shake, his eyes lighting up a bit as he looks over at Adam. “Neither does Adam. You guys have something in common!”

“Nuts are disgusting. They taste like bark and they’re basically tree sperm. I don’t need them infecting my food.” I shudder in revulsion at the thought, finally taking the bread from Riggs’ hand.

“Afraid you’ll grow a little tree baby?” Rhys asks with an amused smile, his teasing helping to loosen me up some.

“Maybe,” I mumble around a bite of the bread. God, it’s so good. It’s moist, full of flavour, and the perfect amount of golden brown.

The guys all start chuckling at my answer, yet I note that none of them disagree with my initial assessment of the grotesque nuts. Adam takes a huge bite out of his own bread and holds out a fist to bump like we just became best friends. Glaring at his fist, I mimic his huge bite of bread before purposely ignoring his bonding bro fist. He can’t fucking win me over that easily. I’m still not a huge fan of the ass-muncher.

“She left you hanging,” Riggs bellows out, his laugh following boisterously. “You fucked up, brother.”

“Shut up,” Adam grumbles, throwing his last bit of bread at Riggs like a child. Riggs impressively catches it in his mouth, his lips quirking into a smug smirk in Adam’s direction. Rhys sighs like an annoyed yet loving older brother. The ease of the way they all tease and act with each other creates a pang in my heart, the loneliness I try to suffocate coming to flood my system.

If Dec were here, I could see him calling out a rating for Riggs’ catch, his laugh bouncing around with the others so seamlessly. I didn’t know them all together and I haven’t seen Dec in ten years, but I can still see how perfectly he would fit here.

Sipping on my drink to avoid the emotions clawing up inside of me, I just listen to the three of them banter as they eat. It’s all so easy and natural for them, it makes me long for the same thing. Someone to lean on, someone to casually chat with or tease. The kind of ease that only comes from people who see each other as true family.

Family is not always about biology, more often than not it’s the ones we choose to love that become our family. The bonds bringing together the three men in front of me, and once upon a time Declan too, are so pure and beautiful that I long for the same thing. So often you see people being fake, toxic, or hurt by the people that claim to love them and it solidifies my feelings that I’m better off alone. Then you catch something like this, or what I had with Melinda and Declan, and it reminds me that not every relationship is there to hurt you. Sometimes you find the people you click with and you get the love and bonds we need as humans.

“Did we lose you again, pretty girl?” Riggs whispers to me, his shoulder brushing mine and sending warmth through me.

“Just a little bit.”

“Care to let us in?” Rhys asks, placing his hands on the counter as he leans in towards me.

My breath catches at the question. I know he means let us in on what you’re thinking, but my heart swells at the chance he could mean letting me into their family. Slapping my heart back into it’s desolate cave, I shrug noncommittally, not allowing myself to answer either version of the question. That’s a can of worms that is better left to fester inside of me instead of being spoken out loud.

“Should we get on with the —” I wave my hand instead of saying the words, my throat a little choked up still. “Room and shit.” I end oh so eloquently.

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