Page 51 of Meant to Be

I haven’t told Harry I’ve moved though, this way I can do my time and not worry about him wanting to come and see me in this shithole.

I’ve started getting healthy. I spend most of my time in the gym, it’s the only way of getting rid of all this anger and tension. I have to attend courses while I’m in here as part of my rehabilitation, but hearing her name guts me to the core. I try not to think of Shelby, I’ve blocked her from my mind for now - I’ve had to in here, she’s my only weakness.

I’ve grown up a lot while I’ve been in here. I realise most of what happened is my fault. I just wish I could take everything back. I said once, I wanted to be better for her; looking around my cell now, this doesn’t seem better to me. She’d be so much better off without me, but I’m too selfish for that.

I know with all the baby issues it might be hard to pick up where we left off, but I’m going to make it my mission to do right by Shelby. I miss her so much but I can’t let myself get all twisted up. I have to focus on me for now.

I thought I’d hit rock bottom before, but that was nothing... this is what you call rock bottom, and I vow, I’m never coming back to this shithole.

“Lights out.” An officer calls from the corridor.

As my cell fades to darkness, I close my eyes letting myself dream about Shelby. This is all I have for now, and I’m going to enjoy it until night turns to day, and I go back to my routine where I have to lock her memory away in a box in my head.

Shelby

I smooth my palm over my small bump, amazed at how quickly it’s growing. My dad is amazing. Anna is too. She comes with me to my appointments, and we go shopping together. My mum wasn’t happy when I told her where I was, she demanded I go back but I refused. I’m not going back to that. She had a few words to say about Dad, but I blocked her out and put the phone down after telling her to stay out of my life.

Addison comes up to see me at weekends and stays when she can, and Harry calls me all the time. He’s been up with Addison, he doesn’t stay over though. I told him everything that happened at the clinic, but I’ve made him promise not to tell Jax. Harry told me that he couldn't contact Jax either, he never replied to his letters he had sent, we're not sure what's going on. I can't afford to get anymore stressed.

I need to keep a clear head from all this. My first exam starts tomorrow, then we’ve got five weeks of exams. It’s prom straight after, although I’m not going. Dad wants me to, he thinks all kids should have the experience, but I don’t fancy going with a huge belly, then I have to find something to fit. I can’t be bothered. The idea a few months back was for both of us to go with Harry as Jax wouldn’t have been able to as he wasn’t at the school anymore, but now I’m not going at all. I’ll go to the school and see them off, but that’s it.

I’ve heard nothing from Jaxon at all. Not even a letter in reply to the other one I sent. I’m assuming he’s still angry with me. I have a calendar on my bedroom wall, and I’m marking the days off that he’s done. It’s like I’m doing this subconsciously, he might not even want me when he comes out.

I really should forget about him, but I can’t. He’s such a big part of my life - or was…

“Shelby. Are you ready?” My dad calls up the stairs. I have to go for my scan, I want to find out what baby I’m having today. “Come on, we’ll be late.”

Quickly putting my hair up, I take one last look in the mirror. I look so much better than before, I have colour in my cheeks, and my hair is glossy. I actually feel excellent at the moment, but I’ve been told it’ll change as I go into my last trimester. I’ve not read through many baby books because of revision and exams, but I’m hoping to soon, I just want to be a good mother.

Running down the stairs I’m greeted by dad and Anna, I grab my jacket and leave for the hospital.

“Are you forgetting something?

Anna holds up a folder in her hand.

“Oh, my notes.” I take them from her and run out of the door.

When we reach the entrance of the hospital, I see Addison, running up to me, she tightly hugs me.

“Thank you for coming today.”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, Chica.”

Arm in arm, we head for the maternity wing and book in, waiting patiently for the sonographer.

Twenty minutes later I’m called in. The lady asks me to pull my waistband down and squeezes some cold jelly on my tummy. It’s so cold it takes my breath away, I gasp making her smile.

“Right then, let’s see what’s going on in here…”

She runs the scanner over my belly, and before I know it, a little person is on the screen - well kind of. I can see a head and two legs and two arms. My eyes start to fill up with tears, I hold them back. She turns the screen to her and tells me she's going to do some measurements. I let her work, but the baby is going crazy moving around, she’s obviously disturbed him or her.

“Do you want to know the sex?” Turning the screen back to me, I look to Dad, his smile says it all. Matching his excitement, I nod enthusiastically.

She runs the scanner further down, but she can’t get a proper angle. She places it down, placing a hand on each side of my belly, she rocks it gently from side to side and looks back at the screen. She puts the scanner on my tummy and runs it over again.

“You’re having a little boy, Shelby.”

My hand instantly covers my frantically beating heart, I’ll have another little Jax running around.

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