Page 83 of All Yours

I would feel better the minute I had him back in my life as mine. How did I do this? I stood in the doorway, frozen. Jonah, I want you. I love you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Jesus, why weren’t these words coming out of my mouth the moment I needed them?

He stopped inspecting his pants and stared at me, those deep brown eyes studying me.

With the words stuck in my throat, I charged at Jonah and threw myself against him. He dropped his pants, stumbled back a couple of steps, as my lips pressed to his, hungry and desperate to convey my feelings. His arms enveloped me in an embrace that I needed. His skin was smooth beneath my fingertips. Our lips locked in a kiss that had become familiar over the weeks of our pretend relationship. But his kiss wasn’t fake, after all.

The top of my robe opened somewhat, and our skin brushed together. Jonah pulled me around and pushed my back against the wall as his lips trailed fire down my neck. Need building, he returned to my lips and took charge. His body pressing me against the wall.

He growled and pushed away. “Damn it, Sloane. I can’t do this.”

“But I thought you loved me,” I cried, unable to control the quiver in my voice. The whiplash loss of his body against mine sent my brain searching for the words.

He stopped pacing. “I love you so much,” he whispered. “And you don’t have to love me in return. But I can’t do this with you,” he motioned back and forth between us, “and only be friends. Cause it would kill me. I’m not the guy who wants a benefits situation here. I need more.” He carried his pants out of the laundry room.

I followed, the words forming a bottleneck in my throat. “I want more,” I called after him.

He stopped in the living room, still holding his pants, and turned around. “You made it a point to say we were only friends.”

“I thought that was what you wanted.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because you agreed to fake date me and never once told me you were falling in love with me, either.” I wrapped my robe tight around my chest, holding my arms around me to control the shaking. “I was scared that you’d leave.”

“What?”

“When you were living here, and we were going out on dates, were the best weeks of my life. I couldn't believe we hadn’t been doing this all along. That being together was right. I couldn’t bear it if you’d said that I’d misunderstood the situation.”

“Then why did you toss me out?” He took a couple of steps toward me.

“Because it was unfair to you.”

“Only if you’re not in love with me.”

“I was afraid I was using you. And when I read what happened with Sebastian, it was way too similar… Too overwhelming. And the last thing I’d ever want to do is use you. I needed to fix the situation on my own.”

“And now?” He asked, taking another couple of steps toward me.

“The legal stuff is still up in the air. I have no idea if they’ll bring any charges for Chattanooga. And I hate to drag you into my mess. But I can’t let you walk out of here thinking that I don’t love you.”

“You’re in love with me?” He asked in a breathless whisper.

“Yes. And I can’t drag you down with me and this legal stuff…”

“Babe,” he said, stepping close. “Love isn’t only about sunshine and rainbows. It’s being there for the other person in their toughest time and supporting them. You’re not going through this alone. I’m not going anywhere.” He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close. The warmth radiating from his chest and arms enveloped me. Everything inside me relaxed.

“But what if I go to jail?” I asked.

“They have conjugal visits, right?”

I let out and gasp and tried to wiggle free, but he’d tightened his grip. “Let me go.” I giggled.

“Not until you promise to not hurt me,” he said, a smile in his voice.

“Jonah, I’m serious,” I said, and stopped fighting against his arms. “Don’t you think it might be bad for your business if things get worse for me legally and you’re my boyfriend. Maybe we should wait ‘til all this has calmed down.”

“No,” he said, holding me out at arm’s length, his dark eyes staring into mine. “I will not abandon you when you need me the most and come back around when everything’s all better. That’s not how relationships work. Not with me, at least.”

No one had ever said these things to me before. No one had ever stayed through the hard times. People left me when shit got real, calling me bad for their image. I could do nothing positive for Jonah right now, and here he was. “But—”

---