Page 51 of All Yours

“PR woman,” I said, then answered.

“What in the hell is going on over there?” Jen said without preamble. “I didn’t think I had to specifically say do not get drunk in public at a Halloween party. You were supposed to lie low and not do anything stupid. Does this look like not doing stupid shit?”

“That’s not fair. I barely drink anymore… I did not know someone was following me and taking pictures for some stupid celebrity gossip blogger that doxed me.”

“We need to release a statement,” she said.

“Again? No, I don’t think so. Let’s just ignore it. I didn’t do anything wrong. Why do I need to justify myself?”

“Fine. But you need to not give the press any more ammunition. Lead a boring life and someone else more famous will do something stupid, and they’ll move on.”

“My life is super boring.”

“Well then, it shouldn’t be a problem.”

Chapter Eighteen

Jonah

I rounded the truck and pulled open the passenger door for Sloane while avoiding looking at the car idling on the street two houses away, its occupant snapping photos. She slid her hand in mine and out of her seat, smiling as I pressed my lips against her knuckles. It wasn’t for the show of the camera. I wanted to kiss her. Since we’d started kissing, I hadn’t been able to stop. Sloane smiled up at me. She seemed to enjoy it as much as I did. I took her by the hand and led her to the door of my parent’s house.

My mother insisted we still come for Thanksgiving dinner despite my pleas that tabloid reporters followed us everywhere, so we shouldn’t bring them to her house. And I asked that she not make a big deal about Sloane and me, but there were enough cars parked in the yard and on the street to signify that didn’t happen.

“Looks like my mom may have gone overboard on the guest list,” I said, stopping on the front porch. “And there are a lot of us.”

“I see that,” Sloane said, cuddling up to my bicep.

“We don’t have to…”

“Don’t be silly. We absolutely do, or your mom will kill us. Besides,” Sloane shifted from one foot to the other. “I’m guessing she already doesn’t think I’m good enough for her little boy.”

I laughed. “Oh, she’d tell you otherwise. Now you’re the one being silly. Everyone will love you,” I said, pulling her in for a quick peck.

“For Pete’s sake, get your hands off the poor girl, and get in the house,” my cousin Patty announced, opening the front door. “Been waiting back here forever to meet her.”

While I’m an only child, my mother’s sisters filled my life with a multitude of cousins, all but one, female. I might as well have had a million sisters, each more wicked than the last. Patty, Darlene, Esther, and Franny were closest in age to me and had personal missions to keep me single in high school, just for the fun of it. And here they all crowded around the door.

“Happy Thanksgiving, stink wad,” Esther announced as we stepped over the threshold.

“I’m just going to issue you a blanket apology for whatever you hear tonight,” I whispered to Sloane.

She grinned and shook her head, but I noted the hesitance in her eyes. This was going to be too overwhelming for her. My parent’s little brick house was now filled to the brim with my Jewish relatives.

“It looks like Shabbat up in here,” I said.

“Your mom’s all excited about your new girlfriend,” Patty said.

“So are we,” Esther said, coming forward and grabbing Sloane into a hug. “I’m Esther,” she announced. “Forgive my cousin and his lack of manners.”

“Oh, hello,” Sloane said, being swallowed up into my cousin’s hug-sandwich of hairspray and perfume.

“I’m trying to not overwhelm her,” I said, defending myself and pulling cousins off of my new girl. I retrieved a shell-shocked but smiling Sloane from the middle of the pack.

“There’s my boy,” my mom called out.

“Hey, Ma,” I said, returning the hug.

“About time you made it,” she said. “Sloane, dear, it’s good to meet you, finally.” My mom’s eyes scanned Sloane.

---