Page 52 of Cowboy Falling Hard

“They do. But I don’t think we should shut them down completely. Emotions are what makes us human. Emotions are part of what makes it so fun and exciting to be human.”

“But emotion should come after rational thought. You shouldn’t lead with them.”

“Are we?”

It was a simple question, but she stopped, looking at him, her eyes fastened on his chin as she pondered that.

She didn’t think they were, actually.

“I have a confession.”

“Well?”

“I went to the Piece Makers. I asked them to help me find a match.”

“You did?” She couldn’t keep the shock out of her voice.

“A specific match.”

She waited. Her breath frozen. Her hands clenching at her side.

“I wanted you. I wanted them to help me get you to be interested in me.”

She had known he was interested. The whole town had known he was interested.

“It wasn’t necessarily an emotional decision, although I can’t deny I’ve had feelings for you for a long time. But those feelings are based on what I see in you. You consistently help your family. You’re at the sale barn every time I am. You never shirk your duty. You’re always doing more. You’re always smiling, with a good attitude, making other people smile and laugh as well. You’re a joy for people to be around, and everyone loves you. Now, the love of everyone isn’t necessarily something that shows the mark of a good person. Lots of people are loved not because of their character but because of something fleeting and transient and shallow. But your joy is deep. And so is your integrity. That’s not my emotions talking. That’s my rational brain.”

He pushed off from the fence but stepped aside, not closing the distance between them but bringing them so they faced each other.

“Maybe it’s an emotional thing for you, and I don’t mind that. But I hope you can find some kind of character, some kind of steadfast loyalty, some kind of something good, maybe a glimpse of Jesus, in me.”

She realized he was right. There were emotions involved. She did feel pulled, but she had found plenty to admire about him too. And she knew from experience there were no guarantees. God wouldn’t give her a guarantee. There just weren’t any.

He gave guidelines. And examples. And that was the thing, she would be linking her life with someone else who was a sinner, saved only by grace, and also given free will.

She stepped closer to him, reaching up again, only this time with both hands. “You’re right.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard those words before. Go ahead and say them again.”

“You should listen closer the first time,” she whispered, her eyes only partially open, her mouth smiling as the words left her lips.

He grinned a little too, and he seemed to have the same problem with his own eyes not wanting to stay open as his head lowered.

“Should I wait for a minute in case you’re going to change your mind?” he asked softly.

“You can if you want to. But I’m not going to. And maybe I’ll beat you to it anyway.”

She lifted up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against his. His arms came around her, pulling her closer, and she pressed into him.

The night sounds faded, the breeze a distant touch, the night black and far off.

He felt solid and strong, and she wanted to be closer, but he pulled back before she was nearly done.

“You are perfect,” he said low with a note that almost sounded like longing in his voice. His forehead leaned against hers, and he took a couple of breaths. “But even though I feel like it’s okay to give your feelings room, to let your emotions breathe, I also promised you we’d go slow. It won’t make any difference if we do, other than I’m going to spend a lot of time dreaming about you.”

Maybe she would have laughed if she hadn’t wanted so badly for him to kiss her again.

But she knew he was right. They wouldn’t regret waiting. Not if things worked the way they wanted them to.

---