Page 17 of Cowboy Falling Hard

“Let her talk, listen to her, and don’t brag.” He let out a breath. “I think I can do that. Sounds easy, I just... I just want her to see me. And then my mouth starts going, and I forget that it’s less about me and more about her.”

“More about the way you make her feel.” Charlene’s words were soft. “I’m not saying people should live by their feelings. I actually don’t think they should. But there are more than one or two men in the world who have character and integrity. If you find one who does, but they brag and show off, they’re going to get passed over, because she’s going to go with someone who makes her feel special and wanted. And I guarantee you, if you make her feel that way, she’s going to go out of her way to make you feel the same. A good woman will. I suppose there are women who are self-centered and egotistical, just like there are men. Most of the time, if you start, she’ll follow. And then, it becomes a competition, where you see who can do the most things to make the other person feel good. It’s like a competition in the very best sense of the word. In a good marriage, it will always be like that. Where you never pass up an opportunity to make your significant other feel good or to do something kind for them and make them smile. And you see these opportunities, because you’ve taken the time to get to know your spouse, what they love, what makes them feel loved, and what they enjoy.”

He sat thinking for a moment. “I need to know her, like I know baseball.”

“Exactly. You didn’t become good at baseball because one day you picked up a bat and hit a ball. You studied it, watched it, lived it, breathed it. You tore it apart and put it back together piece by piece, you read everything you could get your hands on, and you spent hours working on getting better at it. I don’t understand why people think that marriage is any different. Maybe some people are naturally kind and naturally think of others. Or maybe they’re just married to someone who is naturally easygoing. But for most of us sinful, self-centered human beings, every day it’s a job to get up and not think about ourselves but think about somebody else.”

“And every day we do that, we become more like Jesus.” Funny how the teachings that he learned when he was little clicked into place with Miss Charlene’s words.

“That’s right. Not only will she feel loved and cherished, but you will challenge her to be a better person. That’s the kind of person that you want to be with, someone who makes you better. But not someone who makes you better because you have to be.”

He wasn’t sure he understood that.

Miss Charlene sighed. “Because they’re such a jerk that you have to become a better person in order to put up with them.”

Chapter 6

Communication Skills and Listening to what your wife or husband is saying. - Barbara A. Kelley from San Antonio, Texas

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DWIGHT UNDERSTOOD.Learning to live with and love difficult people made a person better, but that didn’t make a beautiful marriage.

“If you’re stuck in a relationship like that, you will become better. But your marriage will never be the beautiful picture of the relationship between Christ and the church that it was meant to be. Because it wasn’t meant to be that one person has to suck it up and take everything. It was meant to be a beautiful relationship of selfless love and giving and serving.”

“It’s no wonder so many marriages end in divorce. We’re certainly not taught that. Not in school, not in society. Not in movies, TV shows, anywhere.”

“Right. Because who wants to do that? It goes against everything that you think you deserve as a human. In fact, we’re told we deserve so much more. The thing is, God’s way seems backwards, but when you try it, it works.”

“Yeah. And it turns out that it’s the world that’s wrong, but the lies are so seductive. That you need to look out for yourself, that everyone else needs to make you happy, that you need to find someone who makes you happy, that if you’re not getting what you deserve out of your relationship, you have every right to walk away.”

“That’s garbage. Pure garbage. For Christians anyway. Yet, it’s what we hear every day, even in the church.”

Dwight stared into the darkness. It was easy to see that most of his life had been about himself. That he’d never gone into a relationship thinking to be selfless and giving on purpose, thinking to love sacrificially, wholly, and completely. Would he be able to change it? He only had a couple of days.

“Maybe I shouldn’t do the apple turnovers. I need to change a lifetime of bad habits. I can’t do that in just a few days.”

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