Page 14 of Cowboy Falling Hard

“I hardly think so. Feels like God’s against me in this too.”

“You mean Orchid isn’t the right girl for you?”

“No. I actually do have a peace about Orchid. Like she is the one. That’s not it at all. It just seems like God’s put up roadblock after roadblock after roadblock. And when I try to push through them, nothing works.”

“Maybe He put up roadblocks because He wants you to have Orchid, but not in the way you want to have her.”

“Meaning?” He had no idea what she was talking about.

“You wanted to take her out on a date. Maybe that’s not the way God wants you to get to know her.”

“What other way is there?” That’s what people did when they were interested in a member of the opposite sex. They went out on a date together. That’s just the way it went.

“Sometimes the best way to find someone is to stop looking for them and put your eyes on Jesus. See the work he has for you to do and do it. Pretty soon, you look around, and there’s someone working beside you, someone sweet and cute and perfect, and you start talking to her, because you’re working together, pulling for the same goal, serving the same Lord, and then you gradually get to know each other and start liking each other more. You don’t need to date. That’s artificial anyway. Married couples work together, they spend idle time together, they cook in their house and eat together, not get dressed up and go to some fancy restaurant. You’re not yourself there.”

“I took her to a bar. We didn’t really get dressed up.”

“You took her to a bar?”

He didn’t need the lights on to know that Miss Charlene’s eyebrows had just bumped into her hairline.

“Yes?”

“Oh, son.” Charlene’s calloused hand came out and found his forearm, squeezing it, and somehow that touch made him feel a little better. Less alone, maybe. Or maybe it was the word “son.”

His mom had been a single mom and raised him herself. When he’d been a teenager, she married again. His stepdad hadn’t been super interested in another man’s child. And soon they’d had a new baby and then another of their own.

He hadn’t begrudged his mom her happiness, but he had definitely felt unwanted.

Maybe that was why he was always trying to push himself forward, show off, make sure everyone saw him. Because there were times he felt invisible at home, except when he screwed up.

“Maybe you better tell me about the rest of the date. I think, if you want to hear it, I might be able to give you some help.”

“No. I think you’re right. Orchid and I really aren’t meant to be. It’s just my feelings that make me think that the door would open if I went through it the right way. I have another year left on my contract anyway. I need to be in Houston next year.”

“Unless you retire.”

She’d remembered. He’d been thinking more and more of it, especially when he thought there was a chance with Orchid. But he might as well be playing baseball if there wasn’t any reason to be in North Dakota.

“Yeah.” He didn’t bother to explain to her that he probably wasn’t going to retire.

“Well, I can’t help you if you won’t tell me about it.”

She squeezed his arm again. Maybe that was what opened his mouth, or maybe, it was because he knew he needed wisdom that he didn’t have. He’d asked God for it, and maybe this was his answer—God sent him Charlene? He hadn’t considered that, considered that God might send a person to help him become wiser rather than placing the wisdom in his head.

So he told her about the date as best he could, trying to be as objective as possible. Trying to make sure that he got the details right, that he didn’t paint himself out to be better than what he was. Although he tried his hardest. And that was the honest truth.

After he finished, Charlene sat still for a bit. He didn’t know what that meant, her silence. He found himself wishing she would say something, tell him that it hadn’t been him. But if that were true, then there really was nothing he could do. So he quit wishing for that, and instead he prayed,Lord, if there’s something that I’m doing wrong, please show me.

Then he braced himself, putting his hand over top of the old hand that gripped his forearm.

That seemed to be the signal Charlene had been waiting for, or maybe it just stirred her out of her contemplations.

“Can I be honest with you?” she asked.

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