Page 7 of Heart of a Killer

“Oh, no. This is just to give you a choice that feels most comfortable to you,” the doctor states.

My lips purse in acknowledgement as I continue to explore the room. A case of medical books is set behind the doctor’s desk. I make my way over to sit down in the middle chair and make myself comfortable. The doctor does the same by sitting across from me. I still feel anxious about being here, and I know if I lie on the couch like they do on T.V., I will never get back up.

“Skylar, this is just an introduction. No need to be tense around me.”

Him saying that doesn’t help me to let my guard down. I stare at my cuticles that have begun to bleed from my constant picking. Maybe this was a bad idea.

“Let’s start with why you’re here.”

“I don’t think I need to be here.” I stand.

“You can’t leave, Skylar.”

That stops me in my tracks. “What did you say?” The anger is edging in my voice.

“I said you can’t leave.”

“But—But I voluntarily signed myself in here,” I stammer.

“Yes, you signed yourself in, but—” He looks down at the papers he is holding. “It says here that you tried to kill yourself. Until I evaluate you properly, you will be held here under involuntary admission for self-harm.” He flips through more of his paperwork before continuing. “You also had a rare type of cancer in your uterus called Choriocarcinoma. That, plus the self-inflicted wound to your uterus, caused them to perform a total hysterectomy. I think that’s a lot for a young woman like yourself to deal with alone without the help of therapy.”

The room starts to spin, and the lights are too bright. I’m falling back into the chair I was sitting in before.

‘Sky, it’s not time yet, baby. There’s still so much more for you.’ My mom’s voice rings in my ears.

Whatever the doctor continues to say is completely lost to me. My whole womb is gone, and the shock of that still pains me; the fact that I can still be here on this earth with even more of my decisions taken away from me. I want to scream, but I can’t move as the weight of the world sits on my chest. Breathing is hard.

“Skylar, Skylar.” Dr. Benjamin snaps his fingers in my face. I blink up at him and the bright lights surrounding him. The smell of bleach is burned into my nose hairs, making my stomach roll in waves. “The only way you will be able to get out of here is if you participate.”

My throat constricts and I can’t stop thinking about the fact that I am stuck here. I thought I had an out. Signing myself in here was under my control, and I could take it back when I wanted. I willingly signed the forms without realizing that the doctor had complete jurisdiction over me and my situation. I’m stuck here until I get better. With my track record, I fear that day will never come.

“What are you thinking about, Skylar?”

I still don’t speak; I can’t. My trust is broken. My control is taken. This isn’t what I signed up for. The timer for our session goes off; our thirty minutes are up. The incessant dinging saves me. I can’t be in here right now. The sickness I feel in the pit of my stomach constricts and roils. I stand, not waiting to hear what the therapist has to say, and let myself out as I walk face-first into the hard chest of his next—hopefully willing—patient. I would say I’m sorry, but I’m not. I’m like a caged animal trying to escape.

Looking up, I see the smirk on his lips. Next, I see the blue in his right eye and the left with its hint of blue, though black consumes the rest. It’s as if I’ve sunken down to the deepest depths of the ocean. After what the therapist said, and now looking into the eyes of the very man that sent me here, my heart feels as if it’s tearing in two.

He moves to the side, letting me pass, but not before grabbing my hand. The electricity in that touch makes my chest heave, and I have to look down and bite my lip to hold in the whimper that lies just behind it.

“Don’t I know you?”

My brain is racing as to why he would even ask me that.Is he serious?But I continue to look down and whisper, “no,” before pulling my hand away.

2

Leland

The moment our hands touch, electricity shoots straight to my heart. Do I know her from another life? Is this what soul mates experience when they find each other? And those eyes—like a meadow in the summer—I could lose myself in them for days and live happily.

The sparks begin to short circuit when she pulls away from me. She looks at the ground, and I hear her whisper, “no,” before she shuffles away.

Her distant, mossy green eyes look like she may have a few secrets hidden and I’m determined to find out what they are. As I’m lost in my thoughts, thinking of the brown-and red-haired angel who just walked away, Doctor Knows-It-All snaps me back to reality.

“Hey, Leland. Are you coming in or not?”

Dr. Benjamin is a real prick. He looks prim and proper on the surface, but I don’t appreciate the way he talks down to me. We’ve spent the last week trying to unlock my memories. It’s like we go around and around a metaphorical carousel with the same questions. I’m getting irritated by it, and I’m sure he is too.

“So, Leland. How are you feeling today?”

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