Page 39 of Heart of a Killer

“We will continue on with the next question, but as the questions get more difficult and you are unable to answer them, I’ll increase the voltage. This is all hopefully to trigger your memories with pain. Are you ready to begin?”

The spit in my mouth dries, making it hard to swallow. I just nod at him to continue.

“What’s your favorite color?”

“I don’t know.”

He clicks a button on his remote and a wave of tingles fills my scalp.Okay, not too bad.Once the waves stop pulsing, I shake my head at the doctor.

“Okay, next question, where do you live?”

“Mississippi.”

I remember that one from my driver’s license with the picture of my scarred face.

“Good, next question. Who is your father?”

I know I have a dad from the recently resurfaced memories, but do I know him? No, and if I did, would I tell the therapist? Probably not, because trusting people is something I can’t do. It’s hurt me too many times before, so I answer, “I don’t know.”

The doctor pushes the button on the remote, and another wave of electricity rolls over my scalp, extending toward my jaw and neck muscles. They tighten, making me clench. The strain in my neck and jaw has my teeth grinding together. When did the intensity increase? The sensation finally subsides, leaving me gasping for air.

“Each time you can’t remember the answer, I will increase the voltage. I should have reminded you of that.”

I shoot daggers at him, but he remains unphased and continues.

“Next question, who is your mother?”

My heart jumps at the mention of Mom, and I struggle to perpetuate a straight face because this is where I can be incriminated. The memory of me cutting off her legs from the heartache she caused is overwhelming, and with a strained voice, I say, “I don’t know.”

This time the shock wave hits me hard, and the pulses reach my shoulders. I pull against the restraints as the muscles in my shoulders bunch up around my ears. My teeth grind on edge until the waves finally pass. Sweat beads along my forehead, rolling down my cheeks in a chilly trail.

“Next question.”

The doctor moves on, not even a hint of concern about the pain he is inflicting on me. I did sign up for this, and I can only be angry with myself. “Who is Josh?”

Real panic sets in at the mention of Josh’s name. I don’t want to talk about Josh. He is mine, and I’m afraid if I let someone in, then he will leave me. He infuriates and entices me to do evil things, but he ismine.

“Come on, Leland. I can see it written all over your face. You know who Josh is. Tell me.”

I can’t speak. I don’t want to lose this piece of my brother. All I can do is shake my head. The words are caked in my throat, and I try to swallow, but my mouth suddenly feels like a desert.

“Leland,” Doctor Benjamin scolds, “If you don’t tell me what you know, then I will have to shock you until you tell me.”

My teeth gnash together in anticipation of what’s to come.

“Okay, fine. Have it your way.” He clicks the notches on the remote. His thumb hovers over the button. “Last chance, Leland.”

My fingers grip the chair. He lets out a huff of air, and I close my eyes. The shock waves ignite in ripples through my scalp, extending past my shoulders and over my pecs, nearly reaching my heart. It races out of my chest, and my nails are clawing into the chair. It feels like years have passed before the sensation finally subsides, and my body gives out, slouching back into the chair. My breathing is labored, and my chest feels heavy.

“Leland, I’ll ask you again. Who is Josh?”

“I can’t...” My voice cracks at the admission.

And before I can even brace myself, the electricity runs through my veins, and my back arches off the chair. I can’t help the wails leaving my lips as the volts strain every muscle in my body. My heart is racing.Racing. I can’t breathe. The lights are fading. I hear croaks of breath. They are mine. My last breaths.

* * *

Suzzie is shakinglike a leaf on the basement floor after our lovemaking. I tried to soothe her because I know my needs are sometimes a bit barbaric. The only thing I ever want is for someone to accept all of me. Josh gave the idea of seeking out women at concerts since they would be an easy grab. He wasn’t wrong there. The only wrong part washer.

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