Page 37 of Heart of a Killer

Raising my hand to the spot where the sting still resides, I turn to look at the doctor, who is holding a syringe.

“You need to sleep, Brie. I know you’re lying to me.”

15

Alex

Walking down the hall toward my nightly therapy appointment, I can’t help thinking about the memory that came up with Skylar. How does she play into us both ending up here? I’m upset at the fact that she must’ve left me, and I want her to feel the way I do—betrayed. But how? As I walk up to Dr. Benjamin’s door, the question keeps swirling around in my head. He doesn’t greet me immediately or have his door open to smile while insulting me. It’s odd, but I knock on his door, anyway. I listen to see if I can hear anything inside, and there’s a bit of shuffling around before he opens the door.

“Oh, hey, Leland. Come on in,” he says, a bit exhausted, and looks down at his watch. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize what time it was.”

His hair and clothes are disheveled. As I ease into his office, I see a blanket and pillow on the therapist’s couch. Does dealing with me and our extensive treatments take a lot out of him? He guides me in further and motions for me to sit on the therapy couch as he grabs his blanket and pillow.

“Sit, sit.”

I can’t help but ask, “Did you sleep here last night?”

“Oh ... yeah.” He shrugs. “I do that from time to time when any of my patients need a little extra therapy.”

I just nod at his response. Maybe I was wrong about this guy, and I’m a guarded and walled-up asshole who can’t trust people who try to help me. He sits across from me and pulls out his notebook.

Clearing his throat, he gets straight to the point. “So, after our new treatments. Do you remember anything?”

I can’t tell him what I saw, no matter how much I need to trust him. I know some of the things I saw would incriminate me.

“Actually, no, the last thing I remember is waking up in the cold-water tub. I thought maybe you had gotten tired and left me there because our session had ended.”

“Ahh, I’m sorry about that. Another situation had come up. I didn’t mean to leave you there by yourself to wake up in the dark like that.”

I shrug him off, because I didn’t mind, considering what I ended up walking into afterward. It was a nice treat. Rolling my bottom lip between my teeth, I think of Skylar and Brie at my feet, looking up at me. I attempt to maintain control over my expression. I run my palms over my thighs, dislodging the view from my mind and preventing my emotions from showing.

“It’s okay, Doc. It was actually relaxing. I don’t feel as stressed or annoyed today. That’s a plus, right?”

His face is pinched, and I can tell he’s thinking of something. Then he finally asks, “Do you know what happened before you got into the hot tub?”

I think back to seeing the doctor’s face and my hands around his throat, but I just shake my head. “I don’t remember. I was hoping you could help me with that.”

He looks quizzical. “Do you ever talk to voices in your head? Or long stretches of time where you lose track of what you were doing or how you got there?”

Thinking hard about how I should answer him without giving too much away, I decide to answer him with a half-truth. “I mean, yeah, I talk to myself. I thought that was normal. The periods of forgetting only started happening recently.”

He writes what I said in his notepad. I look down at the couch and run my hand over its powder blue velvety surface while waiting for his assessment to be announced. I know he has some idea of what’s wrong with me, even if I don’t. He saw something the other night when I held him. Something I can’t remember. When his pen stops, I look back up.

“I see that you may have experienced trauma in your life based on the obvious, but it may be deeper than that. Who is Josh?” My blood runs cold at the mention of Josh. “I saw a change in your demeanor and in your eyes when you got out of the cold tub, and when I asked who you were, you told me your name was Josh before you wrapped your hands around my throat. What was going through your mind that you can remember during that whole situation?”

“The only thing I remember is drowning.”

Can I tell him about Josh? Will he believe me?

“Okay, but who is Josh?”

“Josh ... Josh is...”

I struggle to get the words out because I’m not sure if he’ll believe me or use it against me.Is Josh the reason why I’m here?“Josh is my brother.”

The doctor looks confused by this, and I just know I shouldn’t have told him.Was Mom right? Am I crazy?

The doctor writes in his notepad again, and I feel sweat bead along my hairline as I wait for what he is about to say. “Leland. I don’t think you have a brother.”

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