Page 4 of Not The Man I Thought He Was

‘Too expensive,’ he counters.

‘I disagree. You pay photographers by the image, don’t you, so there is no extra cost there as you’re still buying the images at the same rate. You pay me for the submissions. The hotel covers the cost of the stay, so the only additional cost is an extra flight. I would say that the value you’d get would far outweigh the cost.’

‘And which photographer would you take?’ he asks.

And this is the point where my plan unravels. I wrack my brains furiously to see if I can think of someone suitable. I know a couple of photographers, but not well enough that I could ask them to come and pretend to be a couple with me. The only one I can think of who might agree is Stuart, and I’d have to spend all my time trying to stop him hitting on me. I realise that my mental fishing line has snapped, Mark is swimming away scot-free, and my shoulders slump in defeat.

‘I don’t know,’ I say, quietly.

Mark tilts his head back again, and the silence stretches horribly between us. Now that I know it’s over, I can’t bear the waiting. Why can’t he just deliver the killer blow and let me slink away? Suddenly he gets up and opens the door.

‘Toby, would you mind joining us for a minute?’ he calls.

In the seconds it takes Toby to cross the lobby, enter the room and sit down, my hope soars again. If Mark didn’t think there was any merit in the idea I’ve just pitched, he wouldn’t be bringing Toby into it, would he?

‘Toby,’ Mark begins, ‘how would you feel about going on an incognito trip with Madison here?’

‘Umm, I’m not sure what you mean,’ he replies, confusion written all over his face. ‘Can you tell me a bit more?’

‘Madison thinks there is a problem with the way we do our hotel reviews, because the hotels know who we are and when we’re coming. This has caused her, and us, to get our fingers burned. Her proposal is therefore that she undertakes an undercover trip, where the hotels don’t know she’s coming, to get a more realistic flavour. However, if she goes alone then she’ll stand out like a sore thumb and the hotels will be onto her in a flash. So, she’s proposed taking a photographer along, which is where you come in. The idea is that you travel as a couple so you blend in, but also the quality of the pictures improves because they’re being taken by – no offence here, Madison – someone who knows what they’re doing.’

Before Toby has a chance to reply, there’s a knock on the door and a woman, who I’m guessing must be Robyn, sticks her head into the meeting room.

‘Mark,’ she admonishes, ‘Toby is supposed to be meeting me. I know I’m running late but that’s no excuse to kidnap him!’

‘Sorry, Robyn, can you let me keep him for just five minutes? I’ll be as quick as I can.’

Robyn sighs, obviously knowing that argument is futile. ‘Fine. I’ll wait in the lobby. Five minutes though, please, Mark. I’m behind enough as it is.’

As soon as the door closes, Mark turns back to Toby.

‘Well, what do you think?’

Toby considers for what feels like an age. I can see that he’s not one for impulse decisions.

‘When you say, “travel as a couple”,’ he says, eventually, ‘does that mean we’d have to share a room?’

Crap. I hadn’t thought about that. This plan is full of holes, I realise. This is what happens when you pitch without adequate preparation. There’s really only one answer I can give though. I need to get both of them onside with this idea, and I’ll have to work out the details later.

‘Madison?’ Mark asks.

‘Yes, I think we would. I don’t see any hotel being keen on giving away two rooms for free when one is the norm. Also, the whole aim of this is to blend in as much as possible. Even if the hotel agreed to two rooms and we travelled as friends, it would raise our profile. The hotel staff are going to be like sniffer dogs on full alert for anything unusual. The more ordinary we are, the better our chances of going undetected.’

‘But what about the sleeping arrangements?’ Mark presses.

‘Look, this is a professional situation,’ I counter. ‘If we have to share a bed then I would expect both of us to make sure we are appropriately covered up, and I would expect us both to keep our hands to ourselves.’

‘I can assure you that you have nothing to fear from me,’ Toby interjects.

‘So, in principle, you’d be up for a trip like this?’ Mark asks him.

Toby is silent for what feels like forever, and I’m aware of my fingers pressing hard into my palms as I try my best to be patient and not pressure him. ‘Yes, I think so, if it fitted in with my schedule,’ he replies, at last. ‘I think Madison’s right about the potential benefits of an undercover review, and so it’s worth a shot. If it doesn’t work out then we don’t have to do it again, but we won’t know unless we try, will we? Listen, I’d better go. I can see Robyn fidgeting from here. Do you mind?’

‘No, that’s great. Thanks, Toby, I’ll be in touch.’ Mark gets up and holds the door open for him, and we watch Robyn rush over to him and practically drag him into another meeting room. Mark turns back to me and silence descends. I’m not completely sure, but I’m feeling more confident that I might actually have pulled this off and saved my career. He sits for a while, alternately looking at me and staring at the ceiling. Once again, I let him formulate his thoughts, and sit as still as I can, even though the waiting is agony.

‘OK,’ he says, eventually. ‘This isn’t where I expected this meeting to end up, but I’m happy. I think this is an interesting idea and certainly worth a punt. I’m not going to say “yes” right now as, although I have the ability to commission this, I want more time to consider it, and I also want to talk it through with a couple of my colleagues. I also need to see whether there’s any appetite for this type of review from any of the hotel owners. It’s more risky from their perspective, so I’m not sure how well it will be received.’

‘That’s fair enough,’ I answer. ‘All I would say is that this is potentially good for them too. I don’t know of any hotel owners who want their guests to have a horrible time, and I’m sure the owner of the Bellavista doesn’t like reading the TripAdvisor comments any more than I did. What this offers is for them to get an impartial picture of what’s going on, and the opportunity to improve. If they’re not interested in that, then they aren’t the sort of hotelVoyages Luxesshould be reviewing anyway.’

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