Page 75 of Finding Her Panthers

“I was upset that you would have all that responsibility. The fun was over.” He swallows harshly.

“No. I knew you were strong enough to be Alpha,” I point out.

“I was not. I didn’t want it.” He shakes his head.

“You did. You were hurt,” I say, trying to break through.

“No, no. I was angry that you had to stop being a boy and had to grow up so fast.”

“Sometimes, I think you forget that I can read all your emotions.” I remind him. The storm is building inside of him. I’m afraid that if he keeps bottling it up, someday he’s going to explode, and not in a good way.

“Whatever.” He waves me away. “You're wrong.”

“Am I?”

“Yeah, I didn’t want to be Alpha,” he says, getting more agitated.

“I think you knew you were strong enough, fast enough, and smart enough to be Alpha. But you just happened to be the third in line. That wasn’t done. It’s always the first son.” I watch as he whirls on me, getting in my face.

“You want me to admit it? Fine. Yes, I was strong enough. It’s a stupid rule. I hated it that just because of that rule, I wasn’t even considered. You were the one. You forgot about me and had to become this robot. We couldn’t hang out anymore, and you had to train with the dads. Do everything with the dads. I was tossed aside because I wasn’t good enough. I was too quiet, cold, and quick to anger, and I didn’t have a diplomatic bone in my body. They didn’t even trust me to try. Just give me a chance.” He turns his back on me. “We went from being the cool West brothers, always together, to, there’s the next West Alpha and his other brothers. No one cared about us. James found his way of coping. I knew he never wanted any title. He just wanted to be James. I didn’t know who I was supposed to be!” He slaps his chest, tears floating in his eyes as he looks at me. “Who am I supposed to be? They didn’t trust me.”

“You are my brother. You are the glue that holds us together. You protect us at all costs. I felt the pressure of being the best. I had to be the strongest, the fastest, the most in control, pushing down all the emotions that a normal teenager has. I wish I could've gone out with you to parties, to drink and just have fun with my brothers. I was stupid to believe I was doing the right thing. I didn’t realize for a long time this was how you felt. I would have done something different. I wish I could lose control. So many times over the years, I wanted to switch places with you.” His eyes widen at the honesty in my tone. “There is constant worry on my shoulders that I am not strong enough to hold the burden of so many shifters under my protection. Can I guide them in the right direction? What if I don’t have the answer they need at any given moment? Will they lose faith in me?” I lean over the desk, my hands on the edge, head hanging. “I can’t do this without you. I do need you to lead. We all have a part in this, and we work together. None of this can run smoothly without each of us. Do you know I asked the dads about this one day?” I turn my head to look at him beside me.

“No,” he whispers.

“I did. I asked why? Why was I going to be Alpha? And did that mean you and James would follow me?” I stand straight and get close to him. “They said no. They said that my brothers would be the support behind me, holding me up, that you would be there for guidance and love.” I shake my head. “They didn’t and don’t think any less of you or James. They knew you both would be my backbone in this role, in this world.” I put my hand on his shoulder. “I wouldn’t be able to do any of this without you.”

He shudders and hangs his head. “I’ve been so stupid.”

“Absolutely not. I have known you felt slighted. It's on me, too. I should have brought it up, talked it out, long before now.”

“I’m sorry, brother. I was caught up in how it felt to me. I never realized what it did to you.” He cups the side of my neck.

“We both did our part. I’m sorry for my part in it. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” He brings me in for a hug.

“You need to feel anything you need to feel. You have one more night to work it out. I expect you home by tomorrow night. Our mate is waiting for you. She needs you.” I tighten my arms and then pull back. “Do you want her?”

“What kind of question is that? Of course, I do.”

“Then you need to spend more time with her. You being here is confusing her,” I explain.

“I just don’t know where to start. She’s amazing. How do I make her understand my distance?” The yearning emanates from his soul.

“Be honest. Tell her the truth. She understands demons, having plenty of her own.” I give him a stern look and turn towards the door.

“Hey?” he calls.

I look over my shoulder at him.

“Thanks for the talk.”

“That’s what I’m here for. Anytime you need someone to kick your ass, I’ll be here.” I grin at him.

“Prick!” he yells through the door.

“Not go the way you planned?” Josh is walking by and hears Blue.

---