Page 42 of Finding Her Panthers

Okay, it is not working.

“Jax.” He is eerily quiet. The sweat is dripping down his chest, soaking the top of the grey sweatpants he always wears. Usually, I am not a fan of sweat. But damn, he’s just so freaking manly. His muscles bulged with every swing. If only he weren’t giving me the silent treatment. It’s kind of an asshole thing to do. “Jax, come on.”

He rounds on me so fast I leap back.

“No. Just no. I forbid you to see that monster. He will not help us. Did you ever think that that is his plan? Get Cindy involved. Do just enough to get you to come to see him so he can mess with you. See you. Bring up all the crap memories from the past. You will be giving him what he wants. So, no. I refused to watch you walk back into the past.” He points at me. “Not going to happen. This is not up for discussion.”

I haven’t seen him so worked up before. He’s always the calm one, the level-headed one. The man with all the answers. But he’s kind of pissing me off. I came down to have a calm discussion and tell him I agreed.

“Jax, can I jus—”

“No. Do you have any idea what it is like feeling everyone’s emotions? All the time. I didn’t explain fully. I can feel every shifter and human emotion, even if they are not in the room. If they happen to leave the room, I can still sense them. Jealousy, anger, fear, pain, guilt, innocence, happiness, all of it, wash over me, every minute of every day. Not just my mate—that usually happens after we bond—but everyone I meet. Listening to you tell us about your past was horrible. I felt everything you felt.” He pounds his fist on his chest, his voice rising passionately. “I always have to keep it together, for my brothers, the pack, the club, and now you. I can’t lose control, which is crazy in itself, as all I feel is this massive storm inside of me. Pushing everyone else’s shit out while maintaining my cool. So, yeah, I refuse to allow you to run off into danger, into a prison, to get hurt all over again.” He stands rigid, his hands on his hips, glaring at me.

I have to pick my jaw up off the floor. Is this another moment that it’s inappropriate to be turned on?

“Well, I—” He cuts me off again.

“I’m serious. You are mine to protect. Mine to care for. We will find answers another way. You have to let me take care of you. You have to. I know you are a strong independent woman. For years, you have done what you need to do to survive. You have always been the one to make the decisions, but just let me. Let me do this. Please,” he pleads.

“Alright. I won’t go to see him.” I step closer to him.

“You—really?” he asks, suspicious of my motives.

“Yes. I came down to tell you I thought about it, and I agree, you're right. He probably just wants to mess with me. Bring up the past. So I’ll go along with whatever plan you have to move forward.” I tilt my head back to look up at him. “I have to admit. It’s ridiculously hard to let someone else have control of my actions. It’s been many years since I had to listen to anyone. I’ll try to be more accepting of your input and suggestions.”

He blows out a rough breath, looking to the side, gathering himself.

“Thank you. You trust me?”

“Of course.” I nod as I stare into his eyes.

“I will never purposely put you in danger.”

“But you can’t stifle me, though, and I can contribute. I can have an opinion. Don’t try to lock me away at home.” I give him my most intimidating look, crossing my arms over my chest.

“I got it. Don’t chain you up.” He grins, sliding his hand down my arms, straightening them.

“Well, I never said that,” I sass, allowing him to step into my space.

“Really? Have you ever been chained to a bed?”

“No. That takes a lot of trust. I haven’t had much of that in my life,” I confess, my voice shaky with nerves or what could be desire.

“Hmmm....We could put that trust to the test sometime.” His eyes were bright with interest.

“Maybe,” I tease.

“Sorry, I lost control. It doesn’t happen often.” He sobers.

“That’s not something you need to be sorry about. Jax, you are allowed to have weak moments. Not even weak moments. Those are just normal, having feelings of your own. It’s okay. And just know I will be here for you in those moments. You can’t control it all. Especially the things I feel. Don’t be afraid to lose control.” I look up at him earnestly, placing my palms on his chest.

“You don’t want me to lose control.” His face hardens.

“Yes, I think I do.” I push him, aware of what I am asking for and not being able to help myself. It’s time to stop holding back.

He studies my face for a long moment, maybe waiting for me to take it back. I hold his gaze, letting all the passion for him shine through.

Next thing I know, I’m flat on my back, on the floor, staring up at an angry Alpha crouched over me, caging me.

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