Page 2 of Finding Her Panthers

"Maybe we should just stay in tonight?" I suggest when she hands me my plate.

"What do you mean? Why?" she mumbles with a mouth full of noodles.

"It's just disappointing, Pen. We drive around with my head practically out the window, hoping I catch the scent again." I force myself to take a bite and try not to groan in agony as the noodles hit my stomach. "Why don't we just take a break tonight? We can watch movies, and I'll even watch vampire movies with you again." Penny is obsessed with vampires. It probably doesn't help that I shared my experience with her. Now she thinks they are all good at heart. She gives me the 'I know what this is really about' look. "I'm not giving up. I have to keep looking, physically I know I have to," I grimace and lower my eyes to my still full plate. I just can't do it. My stomach will not allow it.

"Listen, I know it is hard. You are in pain all the time. It's hard for me to watch you deteriorate more every day.'' She gives me those concerned eyes that I can't ignore from her. “I’ll finish my food, then get you in the shower. You don't want to meet your mate smelling like you do.'' She wrinkles her nose. "I love you, and you are going to stick your whole head out of the window if you have to, to stop your pain. Got it?" she starts to clear off the table glancing over her shoulder at me.

"Yes," I sigh. "Let's do this, whole head. I want to get this done so I can eat again." I look longingly at the food she's putting in the fridge. "My mate is going to feed me the biggest steak in history when we find him. And cookies, lots and lots of cookies. I miss sugar.” I push to my feet, determined to ignore the stabbing in my stomach.

"That's the sexy panther I know and love,” she smirks and slaps my ass as I pass her.

For the next hour, I repeat softly to myself, I will eat a steak soon. Otherwise, I don't think I would make it through the torture of the shower.

Chapter Two

Jax

The slamming of the door against the wall and the angry growl of my brother announces his arrival at my office above the club. I slowly looked up from the paperwork I was working on. The sudden blast of the music from downstairs makes the soundproof office worthless when the door is open; it's annoying. I take in Jay, my youngest brother, who insists we call him Blue.

Years ago, my middle brother decided to put blue hair dye in Jay’s shampoo, causing the battle of all battles between them. In the end, Jay figured he should embrace it, and he dyes the tips of his blonde hair blue; it suits him. Jay is my security at the club. He loves it when he's not fuming from some asshole bothering him, which seems to be the case now. He insists on wearing a three-piece suit to work every day and is usually pristine. Now his tie is pulled to the side, and his hair looks like he has run his hands through it in frustration. He's generally pretty even-tempered, but many say he is cold. He likes to pretend he is, but I see the man under the mask. Blue cares so much about those he loves, and the ones he feels are under his protection.

"What's the matter, Blue?" I try hard not to roll my eyes at his rumbling growl that slips out.

"He's here again, and I'm going to kill him," he booms.

"Can you please shut the door?"

I can't stand the loud music on top of the anger coming from him. Being a panther means our ears are enhanced, along with everything else. I usually can prepare myself for all the sensory overload, but for some reason, tonight I feel off, and looking at my brother, he feels the same. We are usually more on the same wavelength with each other than with our other brother.

After he slams the door, he strides to the front of my desk and points to one of the screens behind me, showing the security cameras below. "That asshole bear is, here again, causing chaos in the bar." He grips the back of the chair in front of my desk hard enough I fear he will snap it in half. "I've threatened him again. If he causes trouble, he will be thrown out and banned. He just looks at me and smiles. I want to punch him in the face so fucking bad, Jax."

"Are you alright, brother? You’re usually less tense than this," I ask softly. When it comes to Blue, you have to tread carefully. He hates talking about his feelings.

“Sorry, I just feel more agitated than usual. You know he can set me off like no other—well, except for that bitch Cindy," he confesses, losing some of his anger.

"I know the two of them are on your shit list, but usually, you can suppress it better," I say.

Cindy is one of the waitresses. She is super sweet to our face, at least. Blue thinks I am unaware of her desire to mate with James and me. Years ago, she turned up at the club in tears, begging us to take her in the pack. She had a pretty rough childhood, and because of her story and the fact we had just started to build a family here, I thought it would be a kindness to give her a home and a real future. Neither of us will give in to her ever. She’s not our mate. She can think whatever she wants.

“I’m fine,” he denies.

"I feel it," I say quietly, observing his face. Seeing the tick in his jaw, I continued, "Something is crawling under my skin. My body feels off, and I have a permanent itch.” I don't say what we are both thinking. Maybe our mate is somewhere waiting for us. I know Blue has never been as sure that our mate is out there or that we will share one at all. I have never gotten him to admit his fears, but I know where it comes from.

"I have never felt this before. I don't like it. It’s annoying." He shifts his gaze back to the screens.

"Where is James?" I ask.

"I think he is in the back. They were delivering an order of alcohol. You know he loves to be in the middle of that shit," he chuckles, and I know he will be good. Blue doesn't let many people see this side of him.

"Why don't you go get him? Bring him up, and we can have a drink together." I need my brothers around me tonight. He doesn't bother responding. He just gets up and moves to the door, closing it softly behind him this time.

Feeling older than my thirty years, I turn back to the screens behind me, scanning for any issues. I spot the bear shifter talking with a group of women. He's huge but, I know any one of us could take him down if we needed to. Bears are slow and uncoordinated at the best of times, but get a few drinks in them or food, and it's worse. I don't think we will be having any trouble with him tonight. The most, he is obnoxious. Blue just doesn't understand the species, and they are everything he isn't.

We invested in this club five years ago when we all were at a loss on what to do with our lives. I was already the Alpha of our little pack, with more joining our family every day. We were respected, but we had jobs we didn't care about. We found out about this place, and it just clicked for us. We named it Club West. Our last name is West, and it just made sense. It was three stories, and the bottom floor was enormous with the bar and dance floor, booths, and tables surrounding them. The second floor is where my office is, along with one for Blue, James, and our bar manager, with enough room left for the VIP platforms with comfortable spaces with their own small bar. We decided to renovate the rooms on the third floor for those in the pack that didn't have a home or room to go to.

We charge a small monthly fee or, if they work for us, we deduct it from their pay. It works out well for them and us. Being shifters, we love having a pack close and thrive off the physical touch of other shifters. Growing up, we always felt love from our parents and our pack, and I couldn't imagine any different life.

This is why we are all, even though Blue will deny it, anxious to find our mate. Someone that we can take care of and love. We want to build a family and have a relationship like our parents. Shifters are sexual, and we are not ashamed of needing sex. We are comfortable in our nudity and are not afraid to express affection. I have always had many sexual relationships, but it has been hard to find the desire to be with anyone. It feels wrong somehow to want just anyone.

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