Page 53 of Finding Her Panthers

“A better life? Really? I went from foster home to foster home. I thought something was wrong with me, that the reason my parents abandoned me was that I could heal myself. Because I turned into an animal. I was always alone, scared, abused in ways I didn’t want to talk about. I lived on the streets, always terrified. But for most of my life, I was scared of myself, not knowing what I was. So no, I didn't have a better life. I would have rather stayed with my parents, my brother, and run for my life every day. At least I wouldn’t have been alone,” she yells, stepping into Ames’s space and pointing her finger in his face. “Shame on you for blaming a scared little boy. Shame on our mother, making him give up his sister, forcing him to make that choice.” She pushes past us all and runs up the stairs.

I turn to go after her, but Blue grabs my arm and shakes his head. “Let her have some time.”

“Did you know who she was when you came here?” Jax asks Kerian.

“No. When we met before, I caught a scent off of you, but I couldn’t place why it would mean something to me.” He falls back in the kitchen chair, a broken man.

“How about you?” Jax turns his steely gaze to Ames.

“I had my suspicions,” he admits, earning him a deep growl from Kerian. “I heard your mate was a panther.”

“That’s a stretch.” Blue snorts.

“I had hope.” Ames shifts his eyes to the side.

“Hope that my baby sister turns up all the years later? Hope that she would even want to see us after what we did? How did you know I would even come here today? Was that the reason you came to visit?” Kerian gets in his face, pushing the older man against the wall.

“A member of the pack told me.”

“Who?” he demands.

“I don’t want to say. He did nothing wrong. I just wanted to meet her, to see. If it wasn’t her, then no harm done.” Fear enters his eyes when Kerian bares his teeth.

“Did you have a plan if it was her? You didn’t think I had a right to be informed?” His fist pounds the wall beside his head.

“I didn’t want to get your hopes up. I know you have regretted your actions every day since. I had no plan.” He shakes his head helplessly.

“My actions. My actions.” His head falls back. “Mom was the one that asked a six-year-old to walk miles with his baby sister, freezing, so sad, in agony, to leave her with strangers. The only place I could think of in my head that would protect her was a church. That wasn’t the right choice either.” Shame washed over his body.

“I thought we got past all of this,” Ames says desperately.

“No, I never understood. I just moved on as much as I could. I had to, or I would lose the only blood family I had left.” He slaps the wall again. “You stopped me every time I brought up the subject of looking for her. You had some excuse as to why we should leave it alone. Why? Are you hiding something?”

“No, of course not. I just didn’t want you to be disappointed all over again. I have always wanted to meet her. To explain why you had to do what you did.” Ames shrugs. “We had to give up searching.”

“We didn’t do anything. You just convinced me that I was the evil one. You instilled fear in me for weeks afterward. You didn’t say anything to defend me when dad found out. He thought it was all my idea. He died thinking the worst of me.”

Jax interrupts, putting his hand on Kerian’s shoulder. “Maybe we should take a break.”

He shrugs him off. “I am trying to build a relationship with these men. The old ways are not working with us fighting among each other. We need to be able to rely on other species. They are not the enemy. We come into their house with this shit. Blindside their mate and me. I can’t even look at you anymore.” His hand slides off the wall. Stepping back, he turns to us with shame and sadness. “I apologize. I hope you know this was not my intention.”

“We know. There's no need to apologize, Kerian. But I do think your grandfather needs to leave. He can take your car. We’ll give you a ride later.” Jax goes to the door.

“Son, no. I need to speak with her. We can work this out,” Ames begs.

“There is nothing to work out. In time, if she wants to speak with you, that’s her choice. She has had so little in her life to make. You’ve never let me forget my actions. Always making snide comments. But I never want to see you again. I was fooling myself to think I could move on.” Kerian turns his back on him.

“But son—”

“I think you should leave now.” Jax opens the door, waiting for him to move through it.

“We can get past this. Build the relationship with her we always wanted. I’ll speak to you soon.” He smooths his expression, with no choice but to walk out.

“Have you ever looked into your grandfather?” Blue asks.

“No, why would I?” Kerian answers as he sits.

“Might be a good idea. He’s hiding something. You might be surprised at what you find.” Blue opens the fridge and grabs enough beers for everyone.

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