Page 79 of Bits and Pieces

“Because you fear what I’ll do if I don’t?”

“No, because I want you to love me.”

Confused, I scowl, “Why would you cry over that?”

“Because you’ve given me so much already. I’m going to get greedy and ruin things.”

Frowning harder, I wonder if she suffers from morning brain, too. “From the first moment we met, I told you what I wanted.”

“You want me to love you, but that doesn’t mean you’ll love the real me.”

“You’re doing that crazy thing again,” I say, causing her to pout. “Landry, you were surrounded by shitty people all your life. There’s no happily ever after when you’re working with garbage. You did the best you could.”

“I don’t see what you do,” she admits, getting to the heart of her problem. “I don’t know why you picked me. There are plenty of better women to love you.”

“Do you think you could love me?”

“I already do.”

Studying Landry, I admit, “I don’t know about that. I think you’re grateful and horny, but I’m not sure you love me.”

“I’m fascinated by you. I like when you’re nearby. I miss you when you’re gone. I could enjoy the house and my happy babies, but I want you around, too,” she says and rests my hand on her chest. “And I feel weird inside. The only time I remember feeling something similar was during a snowstorm a few years back. Beckett wasn’t born yet. I’d just met Brooklyn. Neal was stuck out of town. The weather kept his family from randomly dropping by. I’d been smart and stocked up on food and supplies. For a few days, my kids and I stayed toasty in the house without fear. I’d felt at home in a way I hadn’t since I was too little to know better.”

Landry admires my face and smiles. “That’s how you make me feel. Like I’m home. I get this deep sense of security in my chest. Like I can lower my guard and just breathe. Only my kids do that and only when I know no one can barge in and ruin our day.”

Sighing, she looks around the room. “Maybe that’s not love. My chest gets heavy when I think of you, and my stomach tightens with those butterflies when you touch me. I want you to be close and look at me and listen to me,” she says and then starts crying again. “I want to feel like I’m home.”

Landry’s words make sense to me. There’s a reason I remained at the Pigsty for so long despite having the money to get my own place. Surrounded by people who accepted me got addictive. That’s a kind of comfort I never knew with my family. When I was at the Pigsty, I was home.

Kissing Landry, I wipe her tears and whisper the words she needs to hear. She clings to me, holding on as if she’s falling.

I wrap her against me and promise I see what she can’t. Long ago, garbage people stripped away her value. Deep inside, a small voice demands to be loved. Yet, the loud voices of her enemies have overtaken it. Most days, she can’t hear anything except how she’s a failure who deserves to be treated like crap.

“I see the real you,” I whisper and kiss her forehead as she cries against me.

Landry feels so young as I hold her until the kids wake. She lost her childhood long before she ran away from home. But she hates herself for choosing to bolt into the night. Realistically, staying in that house would have left her with different wounds. There was no way for her to have survived unscathed.

I’m thinking about her sad eyes as I prepare to leave for work. If it were up to me, I’d stick around and keep her company. I feel Landry struggling with shit she’s kept locked away for a long time.

Plus, Blair’s begun stressing about returning to school. Beau seems to have finally noticed they aren’t going home. He keeps walking around, calling for Landry as if he’s lost her. Beckett and Brooklyn sense everyone’s tension and cling to their mama.

I walk out of the house, feeling like an asshole for abandoning my struggling family. Woodrow follows after me, promising he and Rosemary will help with the kids today.

“I’ll take Beau for a walk,” Woodrow says as I climb on my hog. “It’s good to have the newness wear off. The other side of this bump in the road is a smooth ride. Just focus on what you need to do to get back to your family.”

“Thanks, Dad,” I say, and he chuckles.

Woodrow hears what my pissy response hides. I’m thankful to have a friend like him. Some of our old friends think he’s a moocher, living off my generosity. However, Woodrow and Rosemary helped me create my oasis in the woods. They were at my side when I sulked over Kati and the baby. They listened to me babble like a crazy man once I saw Landry.

In a way, I started out life lucky. Though I moved from one shitty family to another, the second one led to meeting guys like Ruin and Woodrow. That’s why, despite wanting to hide out at the house, I obey my president. When Ruin wanted me at that meeting a month ago, I blew him off. Landry needed me while he didn’t really.

But I know today’s call isn’t him wagging his dick. We have trouble brewing in McMurdo Valley.

Normally, Ruin would be the first one hunting down any problem, but bullet wounds take time to heal. He can’t afford to chase down assholes in the thick brush of Turtle Cove.

I arrive not long after Eagle who hides his hog in the bushes next to Wicker Road which runs through the Cove.

Back in the day, this area was filled with ponds. Turtles bred like crazy out here. Hobo used to make soup out of them. He also had a couple as pets. I think my vagabond club brother still hangs around this area a lot when he’s in a camping mood.

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