Page 122 of Bits and Pieces

Over time, Brooklyn works through her insecurity around women. Maybe she forgets the evil shit the Coppers told her, or she might just feel safe enough now to stop believing them. Either way, Brooklyn is far from the motherless, rejected lovechild Neal dumped on me. She’s gotten better at playing with kids, excels in preschool, and is less competitive with Beckett.

My youngest son attached himself almost immediately to Silas. He’s fascinated by his father, always wanting to follow him around. Of course, Beckett falls in love with motorcycles! As soon as our son’s old enough, Silas buys a little blue electric “hog” for his boy. Brooklyn instantly wants one, too. Soon, they’re always riding around in the driveway.

“I’m a bad influence on them,” Silas says when they blast past us one afternoon.

“Your motorcycle club is why we have this big house. Bikers are why the people who treated me like shit got their comeuppance. I can’t imagine a damn thing wrong with our kids wanting to be like you.”

Silas’s proud smirk sends a bolt of electricity through me. He’s such a handsome man, no matter what he’s wearing or doing. I remain in awe at how he picked me.

Embracing self-improvement, I know I’ll never be truly healthy until I understand my own worth. Therapy encourages me to try different things, from hobbies to haircuts. Rosemary helps me start my own herb garden. Together, we cook a new dish every week. Some are flops. Others are added to the dinner rotation. Rosemary and I bond a lot over that first winter, learning each other’s secrets. I feel like she’s the big sister I never had, and I’m the girlfriend she couldn’t find with other women.

After years of giving zero shits about what I looked like, I make it my mission to get in better shape. During Selene’s pregnancy, Yazmin asks me to join her at yoga class. The beautiful brunette is far more bendy than I am. However, I’ve learned the sisters aren’t judgmental despite their effortless beauty.

During the spring, Wynonna and I train for the county marathon. We both end up more sore than fast but not every hobby sticks.

Becoming a better person isn’t only for my benefit. Blair often copies my behavior. When I put the little ones first, she learned to do the same. When I got insecure around people, she learned to keep her head down and worry over her worth. Now, I hope she’ll follow my lead by becoming more confident.

Independent and only a little wild, Joie proves to be a great friend to Blair. Of course, I silently stress the older girl will bully my daughter. That first summer, they spend a lot of time together. Blair takes up sports just like Joie. She wants to wear more jeans and fewer dresses just like the older girl. I worry she’s only copying her new friend rather than learning to be herself.

Then, one day, I hear Blair tell Joie how she plans to play on the backyard swings and watch out for Beau. As an only child, Joie gets distracted and wants to do something with just them. Rather than give in, Blair sticks to her guns. It’s not a huge thing, but I’m proud of her. Girls like Blair and me will never be tough chicks, but we don’t need to be pushovers, either.

And if I can stand up to Silas, I ought to be able to push back against anyone. He’s a stubborn mule about many things. I usually allow him to hunker down on a bad idea. However, if I know Silas will be miserable with the eventual result, I step in and coax him to change courses.

That’s why one day, I plan to bring up having a child together. Deep inside, despite his protests to the contrary, Silas still longs for the feeling he lost when the blood test proved Michael wasn’t his. When the time is right, I’ll use my charms to offer him another shot at a piece of himself in the world.

Of course, I hope Silas never completely loses his stubborn nature. It’s why he waited for me for months, ignoring all the warning signs about what I might do in response to his big plan. I can’t even imagine how brave he was to stalk me while worrying I was Kati Redux.

Sometimes, I’ll imagine him hiding in the woods, watching over me even in the cold and rain. I always stop whatever I’m doing and kiss him like crazy.

“You picked me,” I tell Silas and wrap him in my arms.

Silas watches me with the same need as the first night we met. Every bit of fear and hope flashes across his face before he remembers how I love him just like he dreamed.

We’re long past wondering if this thing between us will stick. I know Silas better than myself.

Of course, even with therapy and a great life, I have moments when I drag myself down.My choices were bad. I’m a loser. I failed my children. I’m stupid for never finishing school. I ruined my life by telling my mother the truth and running away from home.I rag on myself until I don’t feel worthy of anything good.

However, without my mistakes, I’d never have ended up in Beehive Ridge. My babies wouldn’t exist. Silas couldn’t have found me.

My path to this life was painful—leaving scars that’ll never completely heal—but my destination is undeniably perfect.

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