Page 22 of Dancing with a Ghost

“I don’t know. It’s not a theory I’ve tested out. I know I can make people hear me when I want them to, but as for actually seeing me. It took a lot for me to appear to you. I expended a lot of my energy to do it.”

“Energy? What do you mean?”

This was going to take some explaining and I paused for a moment, trying to plan my words.

“So, for the most part, I can just wander around in my little existence, watching people without it tiring me or exhausting me. When I do anything, like move a vase of flowers.” Toby smiled at the recollection. “It takes energy of which I don’t have an unlimited supply. Performing things like that; moving items, talking to people and now, appearing to people leaves me depleted. I usually have to take a few hours or days away, in a quiet place to recuperate.”

“I thought you had infinite power, so this is all news to me. Not that I know much about ghosts and hauntings. What is it with the eighty years? What happens when that time is up?”

That was a hard question. I didn’t have the answers right now, but as the days progressed and I got closer to Toby, my memory was becoming clearer.

“I think I just fade away. As simple as that. Sister Mary talked about needing to ascend, about ‘them’ needing bodies and souls to ascend. This is what I’m remembering, anyway. She said something about them making a mistake, that they shouldn’t have done it, but that some process had been started and couldn’t be stopped. I don’t really understand, it’s still very vague. The last words I heard before she left were ‘Find your kindred soul, and they will set you free.’”

“And that’s me?” He sounded shocked, amazed even, and I really hoped I hadn’t just ruined the best chance I had of breaking out of this limbo I was in.

I thought he was, but had been cautious of voicing my desires. “Maybe? I don’t know.”

Toby stood and walked to the edge of the path, leaving me sitting alone. This was it. This was the moment he told me he couldn’t be that person. I couldn’t blame him. I’d taken a chance, and it had backfired.

“I know it’s a lot to think about. I can’t say for sure if you are or not. The fact that I have felt drawn to you from the first moment I saw you. I don’t want to assume but……” I carried on talking, trying to explain myself.

Toby turned to face me and I couldn’t help but notice the indecision on his face.

“Maybe I should just leave you for a while, let you think about what I’ve told you. Sister Mary’s words are clear now. I know what I’ve been waiting for. She let me have this time to make amends for their mistake, and I’m so close to the end. I don’t want to have false hope, but I won’t pressure you.” The thought that he could say no to me, sat like a stone in my chest. All this time, all this waiting and it could be for nothing. It wasn’t something I wanted to contemplate now but the fact remained, he may not feel the same way.

"I don't need time, Matty. Sorry, Matthias. These past few days, I've had time to think about what you'd said to me before, how I felt before meeting you and how I feel now. I think I might be your 'kindred soul'. Why else would you appear to me? Why else would I feel this sense of calm when you're near me. That aroma that precedes your appearance every time, I look around for you."

"Matty is fine. I like it actually. Matthias is a bit of a mouthful." Happiness flooded my body. Toby felt the same way and that was all I needed to hear right now. "I'm not sure what will happen next. How do I get from this to that?" I pointed from me to him.

"I don't know either, but we can work on it. You said you felt better after we touched? How do you feel now, since the kiss?"

"Amazing, strong, indestructible. I don't feel tired right now and after any interaction with you, I feel like I'm me again. I can't explain it."

"We're both working in the dark here. I don't feel like there's a handbook or instruction manual on how to do this. Why the significance with eighty years and why didn't she just kill you?"

I shrugged. I had no idea and had no recollection of her saying so. Eighty years, that's all she said.

"I know you said not to say anything, but I told my sister. She'll keep our secret, no need to worry about that. As for what happened here? Her husband works for the Ministry of Defence. Perhaps he can find out some information that we couldn't."

"What good will more knowledge about this place do? We surely just need to know how to be together."

"I agree but I'm curious, Matty. This whole thing is a mystery I want to look into. I know I'll probably never solve it but what about the families of the other victims? Don't they have a right to know what happened to their sons? They're buried in a graveyard not far from here, in a little village. I wanted to go there, see what I could find."

"I can't go with you. I'm tied to here, to this place. Leaving isn't an option for me. The one and only time I tried it, I was returned to the ward. The boundary wall is as far as I can go."

"Then I'll go take a look. See what I can find." He sat next to me again, taking my hand in his. "But first, kiss me again. We should try and get you whole again, sooner rather than later. There are a few more things I might like to show you."

He kissed me again, and I melted into him, feeling the passion in this touch. I needed and wanted this man, more than the air he needed to breathe.

We just needed to find a way.

Chapter Eleven

Toby

EventhoughMattydidn'twant to delve deeper into the mystery, the whole thing intrigued me. Georgie had come back to me saying Giles was looking into the hospital. He'd found some records and was hoping to have news for me soon.

I didn't tell Matty. As soon as I mentioned anything to do with it, he'd go quiet and withdrawn and I hated to see that look in his eyes, the one that reminded him of who he was and where he'd come from.

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