Page 20 of Dancing with a Ghost

“And then there’s you. I’ve thought a lot about you too. Things that Sister Mary said to me, telling me that ‘they’ needed my body and soul to help them ascend.” The details were frustratingly obscure. A process had been started that she couldn’t stop but she could delay it, that she’d need to leave me here, in this limbo, until I found something or someone worth living for.”

Did he mean me? Was I the thing worth living for? Surely not, we hardly knew each other but I couldn’t deny the pull I’d felt towards him once he’d appeared to me. It was as if I knew him on a different level, not just in this world. I had to ask.

“What about me, Matthias? I don’t understand what you mean. Am I that someone worth living for?”

By now, he was standing in front of me. I could see the window through him, but barely, a strange look in his eye, one I’d not seen before. A determination, almost.

“I’m not sure I can answer that just yet. I think you’ve guessed that you’re my type. I’ve been watching you for a while, Toby, not just this past week or so. I don’t mean that in a creepy way. It sounds terrible when I put it like that. I saw you when you first started here, watched as you worked your magic with the people you met. Meticulously planned all these weddings, wakes, conferences. I’ve seen you dance, on your own and with others, a light in your eyes as you do so. Do I think you’re the one? Who knows?”

At least he’d been honest with me. He could have lied to me, but he seemed to be an honest man and I liked that about him.

“So, what are we going to do? We can talk, see what you remember. We could try and find family, if that’s what you want. Or we could just sit and talk about me and you, learn a little more about each other. How about we do that first?”

“I’d like that.”

So that’s what we did. I took him by the hand, that familiar shock of energy passing through us like an electric spark, and led him to the chairs Georgie and I had sat in. He sat upright, while I relaxed into my chair, crossing my legs, ready to talk about anything and everything. I wanted to get to know him. I’d sit here for as long as it took.

Chapter Ten

Matthias

IwatchedasTobysettled into the chair next to me and thought about what to say to him. I’d not led an exciting life. Other than being a pilot in the RAF, I’d done nothing else with it. School had held no interest. I’d loved reading and sketching, but since my ‘death’ I had done nothing but wander the manor, not really interacting at all.

Toby had lived more of a life than I had ever done, but I’d noticed changes, how busy everyone seemed. Always rushing here and there, deadlines to meet. These contraptions they held to their ears. I knew about phones, of course, but these portable ones were something different. If we’d had them during the war, I wondered if things would have turned out differently.

In my years wandering the manor, I’d learned what had happened in the war and I was pleased that it was over. Happy that part of history was over, but still saddened by the events that had happened since. Not much seemed to have changed.

“Would you prefer to walk in the garden?” Toby asked. “The weather’s unseasonably warm and you look really uncomfortable in that chair. Come on, let’s go.”

A quick walk led us to a door leading into the kitchen garden, row upon row of vegetables and fruit. I loved it here, spent many hours here in the quiet of the night.

He led me to a secluded nook, bathed in sunlight, a loveseat occupying the space.

It placed us very close together, our bodies touching from hip to thigh. Since coming closer to Toby, my form had strengthened, the weakness I’d been feeling the past few days had subsided. It was him, his nearness that did that to me. I was sure he was the one.

“Tell me about your family,” he said, gently taking my hand. “Is this okay?”

I nodded. It was more than okay. I felt invigorated.

“Mum and Dad were happy when I joined the RAF, my sisters and brother, not so much. They didn’t want me to go. My grandparents were very proud, though.”

“I’ll bet, but tell me about Matthias the boy, the young man.”

“There’s not an awful lot to tell,” and there really wasn’t but I told him what I thought he wanted to know. He laughed when I told him about falling over when I was playing football, too intent on watching the goalkeeper. He starred in many of my nighttime fantasies and Toby nodded in agreement.

“I had a crush on a guy in school. He was captain of the rugby team and fit as fuck.”

“Why do you keep using that word?”

“What? Fuck? I don’t know really, just something I’ve always done. If it offends you, I can stop.”

“No, it’s fine. We used it a little but not as much as you.”

“Mother doesn’t like it, which is sometimes why I do it so much. I’m a rebel like that.” He laughed, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

There was something I wanted to know and it had more to do with relationships than anything else, but I was curious, had been for a while now.

“Can I ask about, you know, men loving men? It was so frowned upon when I was ‘alive’. How did it get to be so accepted?”

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