Page 92 of The Star's Sword

“No,” Zadis said. “Not until recently. But some did.”

I looked at Sam. “Did you know, always?”

His eyes met mine, red and wide now. His incubus was coming to the surface. Or maybe his rogue.

“I knew, but I couldn’t resist you, Morningstar.” A single tear fell from one eye, and he didn’t bother to swipe at it, just standing there like a lost angel in the moonlight. “It wasn’t fair, was it? I tried to warn you, Cleo, we are nothing compared to this world.”

If he said more, I didn’t hear it because the sheer pain that overwhelmed me at what he was confirming caused me to pass out.

30

Two days later, I still hadn’t let anyone into my room, aside from Ara’s attendants, who were bringing food.

Sam had come by to talk to me, as had Zadis and all of my friends in turn, but I didn’t want to talk to any of them.

I felt tricked in the worst way.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized what a difficult position everyone was in. I knew Sam had tried to warn me in his way, push me away so I wasn’t only with him. It was hard, putting the pieces of our relationship together in totally new ways, with the information I had now.

I covered my eyes as the tears flowed through me, despair so intense I thought I would die hanging over me like a rain cloud that would never dissipate.

I’d never been in so much pain, and it felt like it would never end.

From the haven to the demon realm, it felt like I would never get a break.

Sam was supposed to be my happy ending. The rainbow at the end of a stormy life filled with abuse and pain and sacrifice for others.

The reward at the end was supposed to be at least me being able to enjoy this world with my love.

I sobbed into my arms, turning over on my face, feeling like the water inside me would never end.

Nor would the pain.

But even as I grieved, I knew I was also wasting precious time with Samael. Time that was much shorter than I’d known. But with my rage, I had no idea what to say to him. At the pain of losing him, I truly didn’t want to be the Morningstar anymore, and I knew that would disappoint him as well.

But all I wanted to do was hold him close and have all of this not be true.

To not have to choose between my forever with him and the suffering of countless innocents.

The world was truly unfair and I buried my face in my arms again.

It wasn’t fair for him to not tell me. But how could he? We’d gotten close so fast, faster than either of us meant.

And by then, it would already feel too late.

But had he really never meant to tell me? That when I took out the ninth realm celestials, he had to die as well?

I knew he was passionate about ending the pain and corruption of the ninth realm, but I still didn’t understand how he could do this to me.

Expect me to give him up, when he was all I had ever had.

My memories of him were painful now. Thinking of his eyes when I’d first met him, the way he’d kissed me in the stocks.

He’d given me the strength to unlock my inner demon powers and save myself.

He’d guided me every step of the way.

A day when he wouldn’t be there…that felt impossible.

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