Page 179 of The Demon's Pet

“Hm.”

“Cleo,” he said. “Look at me. I’m not abandoning you. I’ll be back. But I… need space. To come back and be in the proper position in your life.”

“You don’t have to leave, though,” I said. “All those things you did for me, they were just because I’m the Morningstar. I’m not taking it wrong. I promise. I just… I want to be with you. You’re my best friend.”

His eyes widened in shock, but he was silent for a while. “Cleo…”

“I get it,” I said. “You have to go because you’re afraid I’ll get feelings. Fine.” I waved a hand. “Then go soon, so I can forgive you.”

“I’ll be back,” he said. “It’s my brother’s house. Once I have space—”

“It’s fine.” I waved my hand again. “Hurry up and go, since you don’t have feelings and it won’t hurt you.” I faced him, eyes welling. “I’ll just be here, training to be the Morningstar like you want. No pesky feelings to bother you.”

He let out a frustrated hiss. “Cleo, it’s not like that.” He sighed. “Look, I’ve done more for you than you think. Things I shouldn’t have…”

“What do you mean?”

“I lied when I took you from your haven,” he said. “I had no idea if you were the Morningstar. I felt you might be, but I’d been wrong before. But there were no rules in your haven about me being able to take you. I bluffed to Os, and Mor backed me up. She has been on my side since I started working with them undercover.”

I blinked. “What?”

He nodded. “That’s why we took off so quickly. I fucking made up rules and took off with you, no idea what I was going to do next.”

“Why?”

“The same reason I fought Zadis,” he said.

“Because I’m the Morningstar and you need me for revenge or something?”

Sam looked at me like I was purposefully trying to misunderstand. “That’s why Ikilledhim. Why did Ifighthim? I could have made it fast. I didn’t have to utterly dominate him first.”

I swallowed, my heart pounding. “What do you mean?”

His eyes met mine, looking guarded. “I wanted to impress you. I wanted to show you why you should choose me. Though I didn’t realize it consciously, I wanted you to watch me prove I was better than Zadis. Stronger.”

“Ah,” I said, feeling lightheaded now at what he was implicating.

“That’s mating behavior for demons, and we both know I can’t have a mate.”

I swallowed. “Why not?”

He shook his head. “I’m a slayer. It’s a bad idea.” He exhaled. “Besides, it’s not the feelings you deserve. What I feel is just possessiveness. Obsession.” He shook his head. “Demons make bonds, but I don’t think I can ever make them again after my bond with my brother was brutally broken. All the same, I’m ashamed of myself. I was supposed to find the Morningstar, not keep wanting to make her mine so much I can’t think straight.”

My eyes slid to him. “You want me to be yours?”

His eyes were panicked, but he nodded. “I even threatened Simon. He was right. I’m out of control.” A corner of his lips lifted. “Everyone wants the Morningstar, right?” His lips fell into a line. “But it’s not what you deserve. You can love, Cleo. That part has been burned out of me, but it’s possible for you. So I need to give us both a moment of space so we can think straight. It has only been a few days for us. Once I’m out of your sight, you’ll be fine.”

“I don’t want to befine,” I said. “I want to be with you.”

He raised his head, appraising me.

“I won’t have feelings. I won’t even pressure you to feed on me,” I said, knowing that I was begging now. “Just stay. As my trainer. As my friend.”

“I can’t,” he said. “I just can’t.” He stood, moving to the window. “I’m in too deep already,” he murmured so I could barely hear. “If I bond again, and it goes wrong again, I might well die. And I need to be here for you in the future. When you’re ready to finally rise as the star you are.” He nodded to himself. “This is the best way to go forward. The bandage must be ripped off.”

“So you’re going to be gone for how long?” I asked. “A day? A week? A month?”

He just stared at me. “I don’t know.”

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