Page 48 of A Photo Finish
“Cole?” Violet’s voice sounds small and uncertain.What is she doing up here?“Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” My voice cracks uncharacteristically, so I clear my throat. Not wanting to sound as choked up as I am right now. “Why?”
“Can I come in?”
My heart pounds hard in my chest, trying to silence my mind. My rules. It’s too dark. Too quiet. She’s getting too damn close. And my heart wins out. “Yeah. Yeah, sure.” I pull my sheets over myself, lifting the duvet to use as an extra layer of coverage.
I see the shape of her as the door creaks open, a dim silhouette of the body that has consumed me for the past two years. “I heard you shout,” she says quietly.
I sigh. Giving in just a little bit. I hate sharing this part of myself. This broken part. It’s why I like my solitude. I don’t need to explain my shit to anyone when I’m alone. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“It’s okay,” she whispers, taking a few small steps into the room. “Are you alright?”
A sad laugh escapes my lips. “Probably not.” Because it’s true. Some days are good, some aren’t. Mostly they’re good now. Lonely, but good . . . or good enough. But am I alright? I doubt it.
She doesn’t press any further. The questions and inquiries don’t come. She just says, “Do you want me to stay with you?”
And before my head even catches up to the question, my heart seizes hold of my vocal chords, forcing a raspy “Yes” from my throat.
With no hesitation, her feet pad quietly toward me, and she crawls onto the mattress, laying down on top of the covers a short distance away. I feel her proximity like a tug on a fishing line, like she’s latched herself on to me and I can’t get free. I could struggle, I could fight it, but she’s hooked in. And I’m not even sure I want to get rid of her anymore. I’m not sure I want to hide myself from her anymore.
I’m not sure of anything anymore.
Except that when she reaches out to squeeze my hand, I squeeze back. And that when I wake in the morning after one of the best stretches of sleep in my life, I’m sad that she’s already gone.
15
Violet
Golddigger85:What are you doing?
I smileas I walk up the steps to my apartment over the barn. It’s been a tiring week. DD had a bout of colic after a bad race, and now Billie and Vaughn are acting super weird around each other. I feel like the kid whose parents are going through a divorce, like I’m tiptoeing around them both. Basically, I’m relieved to be alone in my space for the night.
Pretty_in_Purple:Just getting home now.
Golddigger85:You work too hard. Your boss must be a dick.
I chuckle as I walk in the door.
Pretty_in_Purple:I have great bosses. But I am beat.
I strip off my sweaty, dust-covered clothes. Everyone thinks horse racing sounds so glamorous. They think enormous hats and mint juleps, not wood shavings in your jeans and dirt under your nails.
Golddigger85:Want me to help you relax?
I shake my head as I walk naked to the shower.
Pretty_in_Purple:No, thanks. I’ve got a hot shower for that. Be back soon.
The response comes out so quickly I don’t even have time to put my phone down.
Golddigger85:Are you telling me you’re naked right now?
A smile touches my lips. Poor Butterface and his one-track mind.
Pretty_in_Purple:Yes.
Golddigger85:Fuck. Let me see.
