Page 54 of Taming Raptor

“You spend an awful lot of time with him, and I don’t know if I like that,” she grumbled as she eyed me and sucked on her cigarette.

“Mama, I promise you, he’s just a friend. He’s the only person that’s close to my age. He’s not interested in me. He’s got lots of girlfriends.” That wasn’t a lie. Finley was good-looking and seemed way older than his seventeen years. He had a lot of girls that went to his house ‘cause his mama worked nights. Even the snotty rich girls that looked down their nose at me when they showed up and I was over there. Bitches weren’t too snobby to slum it in our trailer park for a chance to be with Finley.

“That’s exactly what I’m worried about,” she muttered. “I know you ain’t stupid, Sage. Your first time should be with someone who knows what they’re doing—not some young punk-ass fucker. That’s why Uncle Luis is gonna come over. He’s gonna talk to you and make sure you know what to expect.”

My cereal sat like lead in my stomach. Like I said, I might be uneducated since Mama didn’t let me go to school, but I wasn’t dumb. “Uncle” Luis may not have had sex with me before, but he made me do a lot of other things that I was ashamed of.

Things that made me feel gross and wrong.

I hated him.

Not even Finley knew what I’d done to prevent having the shit beat out of me and for Mama to have money to feed us. Luis was a manipulative asshole. He threatened that if I didn’t do what he wanted, Mama and I wouldn’t have a place to live, and I’d get sent to foster care. He’d also warned me that once I was sixteen, I’d be a woman. He proceeded to tell me the things he was going to do to me—“for my birthday.”

After he left that night, I puked up the food he’d brought from some fancy Italian restaurant.

Tomorrow was my birthday.

“Mama, I think I’ll be able to figure it out when it’s time.” I tried to sound relaxed and nonchalant. Inside, I was screaming and losing my goddamn mind.

She harrumphed and stubbed out her smoke. The chair legs scraped across the old linoleum as she stood. “Hurry up and eat. We got shit to do.”

Mama went to her room, and I could hear her drawers opening and closing. While she was busy, I shoveled the rest of my cereal in my mouth, barely chewing before I swallowed. I finished drinking the milk as I was standing at the table. Mama came out of her bedroom, and I hurried to wash the bowl and put it in the drain rack.

“Get your fuckin’ shoes on, we ain’t got all day.”

“Yes, ma’am,” I mumbled as I held the dark mop of hair back so I could see what I was doing.

We made several stops that day. If I hadn’t known the reason behind it and whose cash Mama was using to pay for it all, I might’ve enjoyed it. Instead, the pedicure, haircut, brow—and oh my God—down there waxing seemed like preparations on my way to the gallows.

As soon as we got home, Mama sat at the table and lit a cigarette from her new carton she bought today. Gee, wonder who paid for that? Then she pulled out her cell phone that Luis had also paid for, and I heard her talking to him. She took a drag, then looked up to see me standing there.

“What are you looking at? Get your ass in your room. I want it cleaned and you need to go to bed early tonight.”

I swallowed hard. “Yes, Mama.”

Everything between my legs felt weird when I walked to my room at the other end of the trailer. It didn’t take long to clean my room—I didn’t have much. Then I sat on my bed staring out of my window that was covered in dirt on the outside.

Hugging my knees, I rested my chin on them. For the thousandth, maybe the millionth time, I wished I could run away. I wished I had even the slightest bit of control over my life. If the stars wouldn’t have started twinkling, I might not have had any idea how long I sat there. I made a foolish wish when one shot across the sky.

A light tapping on the glass made me jump. I glanced nervously at my closed door before I got on my knees and slowly slid the window up.

“What are you doing here?” I asked Finley who grinned as he held one hand behind his back.

“Come out. I have something for you,” he whispered with that lopsided grin.

Nervous excitement raced through my veins and my heart pounded. It certainly wasn’t the first time I’d snuck out and it likely wouldn’t be the last.

After casting one last glance at the door, I crawled under my bed and dragged out the tote my mom thought I had my clothes in. Under a few shirts and jeans, I carefully took the worn-out leggings that I’d stuffed full of old socks and crap Finley and I found in the trash. I arranged them on the bed in the position I normally slept. Then I did the same thing with the hoodie. The three hanks of hair I’d cut from underneath and tied with thread, were the finishing touches. Once the blanket was over the “body,” I poked them under the stuffed hood and laid them out on my pillow, to appear as if some of my hair was spread wildly around my head.

Cautiously, I lifted the window high enough that I could slip out. Grabbing my dirty pink Chucks that Finley had bought me at the Goodwill, I handed them to him. Then he helped me climb through. He was taller than me, so he quietly closed the window.

“Hurry,” he urged as I held his arm for balance, and I put my shoes on. As we ran silently through the tall grass, I kept listen for my mother’s shout to ring out. Until we were out of sight, I worried that would be the night she finally caught me.

As we stomped up the uneven porch steps to Finley’s back door, I giggled.

Hand on the doorknob, he turned to me with a twinkle in his pale blue eyes. “Ready?”

Biting my bottom lip, I rapidly nodded.

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