Page 9 of On The First Day Of Christmas

‘Pete.’ It was all she needed to say. Actually, the mention of his name made her feel a little guilty too. He’d rung her twice already today and between all the preparations for dinner, all she’d managed was to send him a quick text hoping he was having a lovely day. Pete had been Rachel’s best friend forever. He missed her as much as any of them, and Liv knew that he’d promised to look after her, but she really should be looking after him too.

‘Ah.’ He shook his head. ‘Good old Pete.’ Eddie made a face and Liv wasn’t sure exactly what was behind it, but she was sure he loved the gift, which was really all that mattered to her at this point.

‘What?’ she asked now as he shook his head.

‘Ah, just Pete, you know,’ and he said it a little scathingly. Pete and Eddie were very different. Eddie was an artist, whereas Pete was a numbers man. He worked in insurance and his company provided cover for every big game and concert from the Aviva in Dublin to Wembley Stadium in London. ‘Good old Peter,’ he said sardonically and Liv had a feeling that the brandy was hitting an empty stomach and giving his words a harshness that was out of character in Eddie’s usually passive nature.

There was a rivalry between them that had been there since school; Eddie hid it well, mostly, until he’d had a drink too many. It had started on the football pitch where Eddie was just that little bit faster, that little bit more brutal, whereas Pete, as a kid, just wasn’t sporty. Pete had always been a tangle of arms, legs and geeky glasses. But people change and it seemed that as the years wore on life had evened out the score. Now Pete had a fantastic job with so many perks – he owned a luxury apartment in one of the most sought-after city addresses, and until recently he had a girlfriend who, to Liv’s mind at least, made Kendall Jenner look like an old crone.

‘You can thank him yourself next time we run into him.’ She bent towards him for another kiss, and this time, he held her in his arms and looked into her eyes for just a moment before kissing her forehead softly and pulling her into him for a hug. That was Eddie – he was a great hugger. Liv loved when he pulled her close like this. It felt as if he was shielding her from any harm that might decide to come knocking on their door.

‘So, this dinner?’ he said looking round and topping up his glass from the open bottle of red wine her mother had left on the big old kitchen table.

‘Ahem?’ she said, holding her hands out.

‘Oh, yes.’ He smiled at her. ‘Your gift? It’s in the car – do you want me to get it now?’ he asked.

‘If you think it’s the right time?’ Liv could hear everyone moving about in the sitting room. Her father was shepherding them into the old parlour that they’d set up as a dining room with her grandmother’s long mahogany table at its centre and mismatched chairs that her mother had picked up from auction rooms and charity shops over the years before she’d lovingly restored the lot.

‘I don’t mind…’ he said, although she could tell by his body language that he was only reluctantly making for the door. It was hardly the most romantic spot to ask her to marry him.

‘No, we’ll leave it until later,’ she said, reaching out to his arm. At this stage, with her father in the hallway and a dinner to pop on the table, it would all feel a bit rushed. Liv didn’t want to be proposed to in a hurry, as if it could be slipped in between courses. It needed to be more special than that. The anticipation of finally getting that beautiful ring on her finger might just kill her over lunch, but it would be worth it. She was going to be Mrs Quirke, hopefully by the end of the coming year, and then they could start on having a family and really settling into life as she’d always imagined it.

She dipped the ladle into her home-made French onion soup for starters. She would have to avoid the croutons for Barbara – but otherwise it tasted great.

It was perfect; everything was going to be just wonderful, wasn’t it? Just as soon as they got this dinner over with and she and Eddie could be alone together, he would sweep her off her feet – wouldn’t he?

*

It had been a very long night. For everyone.

Finn O’Connell was transferred to ICU. Thankfully, as yet there was no sign of any internal bleeding; however, he was still unconscious.

‘Peggy?’ Liv said when she saw one of the nurses replacing her. For a second Liv did a double take.

‘Yes, it seems ye can’t survive without me after all.’ The old nurse shook her head. She’d only retired two weeks earlier, but thanks to some HR glitch, she was still on the system. She’d never wanted to retire. ‘I was meant to go to my sister’s, but…’

‘It’s so lovely to see you.’ Liv bit her lip; it had been such a truly emotional few hours since the accident, she wasn’t sure if she was ready to laugh or cry at the sight of her.

‘Ach, you know I’d come in – even the best of custard and Christmas pudding couldn’t keep me at home if I’m needed here,’ Peggy said picking up a clipboard, eager to get back on her rounds.

Out in the main corridors, the hospital had that forced cheeriness of Christmas Day that always made Liv feel a little sad. She’d only worked a handful of holidays, the first when she’d been training and Rachel had also stayed in Dublin helping out with one of Dublin’s busiest homeless shelters. That had been one of her happiest Christmases, even though they hadn’t actually celebrated it properly until two days later. She had been working on the maternity wards and Rachel had been waiting outside for her after she’d finished. She could remember them walking back to their flat as if it were yesterday. Sometimes, it seemed those days together were only a whisper away. They were young and it felt as if nothing could ever touch them – of course, they hadn’t figured on a tumour growing silently, behind Rachel’s quick blue eyes.

This morning, the tinsel and Christmas trees couldn’t quite penetrate her sadness. She knew that everyone who worked in the hospital did everything they could to make the place as cheery as possible, but there was no covering over the fact that they would all much prefer to be at home, surrounded by family and friends, celebrating near a warm fire or at least sitting in their own favourite armchair.

It reminded her of a text she’d received from Pete. It had arrived on her phone late last night. She pulled it out now; it was a meme making fun of her for having to work over Christmas Day. She texted back, tried to think of something snappy, but could only manage a quote from the Carry On movies – any mention of sore misgiving never failed to raise a smile between them. It was their thing. They’d watched every Carry On movie they could get their hands on while they’d sat with Rachel. They’d lapped up anything that would make them laugh, anything that would take their mind off things; so now, when there was nothing else to say, they often threw random quotes at each other.

And then, that familiar ping back from Pete: instructing her how to treat any and all misgivings she might have. Liv smiled because, suddenly, the hospital didn’t seem to be quite so depressing all around her. She raced up the three flights to ICU. It was eerily quiet up here. There was no tinny sound of piped-in Christmas music on repeat; everything here was hushed. It almost felt as if she’d stepped into a parallel universe, empty of another living soul beyond herself and her squeaking footsteps along the disinfected corridors.

She pushed through the double doors into the waiting area near the ward and looked in through the glass rectangles. Directly across, she could see Finn. He was still unconscious. Beside his bed, Estelle sat watching him.

Liv managed to catch the eye of one of the nurses making her way back to the nursing station in the centre of the ward. She knew the woman by sight, had seen her often in the canteen on her break.

‘Hi,’ she whispered when the nurse opened the door a chink. What was it with ICU? She always found herself whispering here, as if to respect that sacred space people were being suspended in: somewhere between fully alive and lingering on the brink of some vast footstep that would take them away forever. ‘I’m just checking up on Finn O’Connell – I’m from A&E.’ She watched as the nurse curled her mouth slightly. Accident and Emergency were very much considered the poor, uncouth relations when it came to a choice between there and ICU. ‘I brought him in last night; I was there when he had his accident.’

‘I see,’ the nurse said looking back at him. ‘Well, he’s remained stable. We’re still waiting for the consultant to do his rounds this morning. His vitals are good and there’s been no signs of any internal damage so far, but he’s still in a coma, I’m afraid,’ she said gently, as if breaking news to a relative rather than a colleague.

‘Well, that’s good so, I suppose,’ Liv said, trying hard to get another glimpse of him over the nurse’s shoulder. ‘Has Estelle been here all night?’ she asked.

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