Page 12 of On The First Day Of Christmas

‘Well then, be seeing you tomorrow, I suppose,’ Eddie mumbled as he fell into the passenger seat of his mother’s car. ‘Flannelly’s around three, if you’re up for it?’

He didn’t even kiss her goodbye. That was Eddie, she supposed, not a man of the grand gesture when there was an audience, or at least, so she’d thought until she’d spotted her gorgeous ring.

‘You’ve definitely got your gift?’ Liv checked hoping that he wouldn’t lose it on the way.

‘Yep.’ He patted the inside pocket of his jacket. ‘Thanks for that,’ he said and then she watched as he was chauffeur-driven home by his unfortunately still-sober mother.

Strangely, she realised, rather than feeling disappointed that Eddie hadn’t proposed to her on Christmas Day, in some unfathomable way, she actually felt relieved. She told herself it was just that the time hadn’t been right – it should feel more special, more intimate, more for just them. It felt as if a weight had been lifted off the house when Liv went back inside. Her mother had made a fresh pot of coffee and she was topping each of their cups up with Baileys and fresh cream. ‘Leave those for now, love,’ she said, steering Liv away from the sink. ‘You’ve done enough for one day. Let’s all dive into them later.’

‘Your mother’s right – you’ve done Trojan work since you came back down from Dublin. Time to sit for a while and enjoy the day.’ Her father looked about ten years younger now that Barbara Quirke had left.

‘Eddie certainly knows how to put away the booze, doesn’t he?’ Maya said later when they walked down to check on the lambs.

‘You know very well that was as much Mum’s fault as it was Eddie’s; every time he turned sideways she was topping up his glass.’ Liv stopped. ‘And you know he’s always a bit out of his depth when he comes here.’

‘Actually, I thought he was a bit distracted,’ Maya said softly.

‘You could be right. He’s not normally so quiet; I don’t know what was up with him today.’ The more Liv thought about it, the more she realised she’d never seen him as wrapped up in himself before. It was as if he’d tied himself up in knots over some worry too big to share; he seemed to be a million miles away even though he was just across the table from her.

‘I’m glad to hear it.’ Maya linked her arm in Liv’s. ‘It’s enough to be putting up with his awful mother – I’m not sure anyone but you could possibly sign up to a future with all that complaining and not happily throttle her after the first week.’

‘Ah, she’s not that bad.’ Liv stopped, because in spite of the disaster of dinner, she couldn’t help but feel that bubble of excitement well up inside her again. ‘If I tell you something, Maya, will you promise to keep it to yourself?’

‘Of course.’ Maya was the best at keeping secrets; even the KGB couldn’t get information out of her if she promised to keep it under her hat.

‘I think Eddie is going to propose to me this week,’ she said, hardly able to keep the excitement out of her voice.

‘Really? Well that’s…’ Maya stopped to look at her sister, suddenly serious. ‘If that’s what is going to make you happy, it’s brilliant news.’

‘Come on, at least pretend to be happy for me,’ Liv said, even though, deep down, she hadn’t expected much elation from Maya. She let out a high-pitched laugh that sounded nervous and odd even to her own ears.

‘Of course I am, sis. It’s great news. I’m probably just a littleQuirkedout!’

‘Yes, well okay, I’ll admit Barbara Quirke can be hard going – maybe it was just nerves today? You know, being surrounded by Latimers?’

‘Maybe,’ Maya said and then she pulled her sister close and hugged her hard. ‘Oh, Liv, I’m delighted for you, really, if Eddie is who you’ve set your heart on, I’ll be over the moon for you.’

‘It’s not that he’s said anything as such,’ Liv admitted.

‘Oh?’

‘No.’ She shook her head. ‘It’s just that I found the ring…’

‘The ring?’

‘It’s beautiful, with emeralds shaped like shooting stars. It’s everything I could have wished for and more. Oh, Maya, it’s like he has just known all along and…’

‘Oh, Liv, emeralds and shooting stars?’ Maya knew exactly what those things meant to her. Shooting stars had been her and Rachel’s thing. Out here, in the darkness, it seemed that shooting stars marked some of the biggest moments of their lives together. Sometimes, Liv thought about that last time they’d been sitting out here late one summer evening. Rachel had finished every treatment she could possibly have and they knew it was only a matter of time. They’d bundled her up and lit a fire at the back of the house and they sat outside until the sky had grown black, like soft felt dotted with a million stars and then, as if performing a heavenly fireworks display for both of them, stars began to shoot across the sky. There were six in total. She’d thought about it so many times over the years. And sometimes, when she closed her eyes, she could feel her sister’s thin hand in hers, the hope that was still in her eyes to the very end. It was a crushing blow when she’d died, but somehow, every time Liv thought about that night it gave her a feeling of peace.

‘You see, he’s not as self-absorbed as you’ve always assumed.’ Liv was smiling; her happiness was a mixture of the memory of Rachel and the growing certainty of knowing that Eddie was finally going to propose.

‘Ah, that’s so lovely; perhaps I’ve misjudged him all this time,’ she said.

‘Honestly, Maya,’ Liv said now, standing back, holding her sister’s hands and looking into her eyes steadily. ‘He’s really much nicer than you think. Don’t judge him on today’s performance. When we’re in Dublin we’re quite content without his mother breathing down our necks. Sometimes, I think we’re like an old married couple already.’ She laughed at this because it was true: they’d slid into a routine years ago and a wedding would simply be making it official.

*

When Liv eventually arrived home, after waiting what seemed an age in the freezing cold for an empty bus, she pushed through the flat, flopped into bed and fell into a deep sleep that lasted until after six o’clock that evening. When she woke, darkness painted her bedroom window; the silence felt as if she might be the only person still left in Dublin, never mind on her own in her little flat. Hunger woke her in the end and she padded back through to the kitchen, noticing for the first time that Eddie had left the place looking like a tip again. Honestly, Liv could never get over the fact that anyone could just discard clothes and leave them where they landed. She gathered them up and plopped them into the laundry basket. She might as well put on a wash.

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