Page 33 of Someone For Everyone

Lowering her gaze, she returned to eating her burger, and he was left debating whether or not to continue. Tempting as it was to let it go, he didn’t want things to be any more awkward between them than they already were. He might as well tell her the full story.

Besides, she’d probably only google him again, and he’d rather she heard it from him than read the sensationalist spin the tabloids had put on it. According to some news reports, he was already as good as dead. ‘It’s okay, you weren’t to know,’ he said, pushing his plate away, his appetite now completely gone. ‘I have a heart condition. It’s called hypertrophic cardiomyopathy.HCM for short. It means my heart could suddenly stop at any moment, triggered by extreme exercise.’

She stopped eating and looked at him, eyes wide. ‘Well, that’s a bit shit, isn’t it?’

He had to smile at that. ‘It is a bit shit, yes.’

She picked up the napkin and wiped her hands. ‘And there’s nothing they can do to stop that happening?’

‘I have a device fitted in my chest that’ll restart my heart if it stops, but it’s not enough to convince the Football Association to insure me.’

Her face dropped. ‘So that’s it? Game over?’

‘Game over.’

She sat back in her chair. ‘When did this happen?’

‘June this year. This is the first season I’m not playing football since I was five years old. My life has only ever been about football. And now, nothing. Gone.’

A beat passed before she spoke, as if she was trying to figure out what to say. What could she say? There were no words of consolation that would ease the sorrow he felt. It was a permanent wound, one he feared he might never recover from.

She reached across and touched his hand. Her noticed that her hand was no longer cold. ‘I’m so sorry, Calvin. That’s… heartbreaking.’ And then she flinched and withdrew her hand. ‘Sorry, that’s a really poor choice of word.’

He smiled. ‘It’s okay. It’s better than telling me “it’s only a game” and I’ll get over it.’ He nodded at her burger. ‘Eat up or it’ll go cold. And can you please stop looking at me like that?’

‘Like what?’

‘Like you feel sorry for me.’

‘Well, I do.’ She pushed her plate away, as if making a point.

‘It’s not like anyone died. I had a good career, a good income, and I got to experience some amazing things. I should feelgrateful. Especially when I look at Priya and Deshad in the care home. My situation is nothing compared to theirs.’

‘That doesn’t mean you’re not entitled to feel aggrieved. You’ve suffered a horrible loss. The thing you love most in the world has been taken away from you. Don’t underestimate the impact of that.’ Her expression softened. ‘Did you know you had a heart condition?’

He shook his head. ‘No idea. It came out of the blue.’

‘Then you’re also dealing with the shock of your diagnosis and the loss of your health. That alone is traumatic… And your girlfriend? Did that happen at the same time?’

He nodded.

She puffed out her cheeks. ‘Then, frankly, it’s a wonder you’re still functioning. Most people would’ve struggled to get out of bed each day, let alone deal with their family’s estate and help others. That’s way beyond what most of us could do, even without dealing with what you’re going through.’ Her knee touched his under the table, which was oddly comforting. ‘I know a little about loss and grief, and you’ve suffered three blows in short succession. That’s going to knock the stuffing out of anyone, and it’s not like you’ve had time to process it. I imagine the pain is still very raw and disabling.’

She was right about that. He could feel the emotion building within him even now, but he was not about to start crying in front of Kate Lawrence. He had some pride.

‘Is anyone helping you? Like a counsellor, or something?’

He shook his head. ‘I don’t need counselling, I just need to work out what the hell I’m going to do with my life.’

‘Right. And managing the care home isn’t it?’

‘Christ, no.’ He checked his watch, eager to escape the conversation. ‘We’d better head off. Alex’s train will be arriving… You haven’t finished your burger.’

‘I’ve had enough, thanks. It was delicious. You were right, I did need feeding. I’m feeling a lot better.’

‘Glad it helped.’ He stood up, eager for some fresh air. ‘I’ll settle the bill.’

‘But you haven’t touched yours. Shall we ask for a doggy bag?’

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