Page 210 of Lost in the Dark

I hesitated, sliding a mug under my coffee maker and pressing the brew button.At least, it wouldn’t be terrible if I could do it alone.I stirred in my usual pile of sugar, sipping my lava-hot wakeup juice carefully. Well, no, that wasn’t strictly true - I wouldn’t mind working with thatJaxguy. He gave good hugs and I loved a strong, silent type. Would it be weird to slip him my number?

I wrinkled my nose at my own thoughts and set my now-empty cup in the sink, slipping into my bedroom to get dressed for the day. It probablywasweird, or worse, borderline harassment. My friend Madeline was a waitress; she always told me how much she hated being hit on at work. Was it the same for men? I probably shouldn’t jeopardize my tenuous repayment agreement by making waves with a guy who was probably just being nice.Those eyes of his, though. Even now, I could close my eyes and picture them, and they weren’t looking at me with sympathy.

Down, girl. I chuckled despite myself: my subconscious sounded like my sister egging me on. She’d constantly encouraged me to get out, to go on a date “for both of us,” as she put it, but I’d always waved her off. I didn’t want to be out having dinner while she needed me, or was in pain, so I’d basically shut down that part of my needs while I cared for her. I was happy to do it at the time, but I was beginning to find the idea of dating appealing again. Or, at least, the idea of dating Jax.

I rolled my eyes at my own reflection, feeling like a teenager with a stupid crush. I had to get a grip or I’d be heart-eyes for every guy that gave me the time of day.

And so what if I chose my favorite twinkly earring studs to wear today? It was technically the first day at a new job, and I wanted to make a good first impression. If Jax happened to notice the way they set off my eyes, that would just be a coincidence. I bit back a conspiratorial grin at my reflection, grabbed my purse, and headed to the car.

Two hours after I’d arrived, I’d come to the conclusion that “flower duty” was bullshit and the sun could kiss the darkest part of my ass - at leastthathad a chance at dodging the sunburn I was working on. The one thing I’d failed to notice about New Horizons Memorial Gardens was that the majority of the property was cleared of trees. In retrospect, I imagined that roots and graves probably didn’t mix well, but it also meant there was absolutely no shade to be had. Sure, I could huddle in the shadow of the smattering of small mausoleums scattered around, but most of flower duty was apparently performed under the unforgiving late summer sun. The small drag-behind cart Tommy had given me at the office was already overflowing with the discarded bouquets, withered wreaths, and other floral debris I’d been tasked with gathering from gravesites.

When the gauzy ribbon tied around a particularly voluminous bunch of dying flowers snapped in my arms, my shirt took the hit. A cascade of crumbled baby’s breath and desiccated lilies showered me with pollen, making me sneeze violently. A rhythmic squeaking of wheels caught my attention as I huffed and shook my head, desperately trying to clear my nose. A warm hand cupped my upper arm as I sneezed into my elbow, offering me a small pack of tissues. Again. As I took it with a grateful sigh, I met a pair of familiar grey eyes and a hesitant smile, one that seemed rusty with disuse.

“Jax! Oh, god, thank you. I’m a mess - again.” I laughed self-consciously as I blew my nose as primly as I could. “You must think I’m a complete disaster.”

He grinned a little wider, shaking his head but not saying a word.O-kay- he was taking the strong, silent type a bit too far.

Anxiety skittered in my stomach at his lack of response and I laughed nervously - my go-to tic when I was lost conversationally. “Man of few words, I can appreciate that.” An awkward thumbs-up followed, because why not make things worse?Jesus Christ Cara shut up shut up shut up.

He sighed heavily, defeat tightening his features as he covered his mouth with a few fingers and shook his head.Oh my god.A realization crashed heavily into me as I clapped a hand to my own mouth, muttering between my fingers.

“Jax, oh m- are you, like - are youmute?I amsosorry, I didn’t mean-” I had to be absolutely beet-red by now. I don’t even remember the last time I’d made such a thorough ass out of myself so quickly. I wanted to groan and curl into a ball until he left - of course I’d stuck my foot firmly in my mouth around the hot guy. Why couldn’t I have been insensitive to Tommy instead?

Jax stooped to meet my eyes, cupping my shoulders and giving them a reassuring squeeze. I was a reasonably touchy-feely person, but I didn’t usually feel so comfortable with strange men taking liberties. Jax didn’t trigger my alarm bells, however, and his quiet strength honestly felt really nice. And yes, he was a sexy man with his hands on me, but in fairness I’d sort of been the one to pop our personal bubbles yesterday.

Jax tilted his head and squinted a little in the universal expression for “sort of, but it’s complicated,” shrugging. His eyes searched mine for a moment before he abruptly looked away, gesturing at the larger, empty cart he’d pulled up alongside my tiny, overflowing one.

“Oh, you’re a lifesaver! Thank you - I am justcoveredin flower…stuff.” I wrinkled my nose and fruitlessly brushed at the yellow powder all over my blouse before transferring some of the more precarious handfuls of stems over to the new cart. Jax gently tapped my arm and slid in front of me, doing it for me. I wanted to protest, but the annoying tickle of sweat on the back of my neck took all the fight out of me. Stepping aside also gave me a chance to admire his ass and the way his arms flexed as he moved, which didn’t help the overheating situation much.

Once the carts were more or less evenly filled, Jax dusted his palms off on his thighs and turned faster than I anticipated, catching me red-handed in my ogling. He gave me a lopsided grin and let his eyes trail up my body before giving me a wink that sent my stomach somersaulting. As I laughed nervously, he folded his arms across his chest and quirked an eyebrow at me expectantly, like I was a naughty girl caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

“I - man, this is - well, I don’t even know. Probably inappropriate. Weird timing, at least, it’s just I-” I sighed. “I want to ask you out to coffee or something? This is awkwardly one-sided, though. I wish you could talk to me, Jax.” I could feel a blush burning my cheeks as I winced.Yeah, great, real sensitive move there.

But to my surprise, Jax wasn’t angry. As I watched, all the tension seemed to drain out of his face, and his grin grew dazzling. A deep, warm voice teased at my ears unexpectedly. “Oh? And who says I can’t,Cara?”

I stumbled backwards a step, bumping my ass on a headstone, mentally apologizing to whoever was beneath it for walking all over their grave. “You can talk? But I thought -”

He laughed, and if I wasn’t crushing on him before, I definitely was now. If stoic Jax was handsome, this version was straight uphot. “It’s a good way to find out if people are decent. Wanted to feel you out, considering we’ll apparently be working together. Sorry for the white lie.”

Feel me out anytime you want, sexy.

Woo-woo beliefs aside, I swore I could almost hear Brigit cheering my thirsty ass on from the afterlife.

Yeah, she definitely would have liked Jax. Hell, I might have had to arm-wrestle her for him.

Jax

Of all the things I expected to see out among the graves today, the woman I’d just accidentally stalked last night wasn’t one of them. If I was being truthful with myself, she was also the woman I planned on accidentally stalking again tonight. Yes, gathering her grief was technically one of my assigned duties on earth, but the pleasure that came with the task was what really drew me to her.

Luck and fortune were the purview of an entirely different set of beings, and I sent them a silent thank you when Cara unwittingly broke my silence. It was admittedly awkward, havingjustindicated I was mute, but she seemed to buy my hasty explanation about testing decency. The chances of her making the request using my name, which I couldn’t have told her, were incredibly slim - but here I was, exercising my voice with someone other than Tommy for the first time in a long while.

I gave her the lighter cart to pull, even though I’d gladly have pulled both, at her insistence. As we worked together to hoist the carts up against the side of the dumpster, I asked her about her strange employment situation. I couldn’t let on that I’d looked through Tommy’s files and knew she was working for free; I couldn’t risk it getting back to him that I’d been in his office. He’d bury me deeper than the dead below us, and take away my voice entirely as punishment, or worse.

The last time I’d spoken directly with my goddess, Oizys had bristled at Tommy’s unnatural hold on me, promising she was working on something to help me. The old magic was woven with the belief that commander and commanded worked for common goals; the souls that created the medallions didn’t even consider theycouldbe twisted like this. I had faith in Oizys, though, and was mostly happy to work in her name until she found a way to free me once more. My conviction admittedly wavered on days that Tommy was being a real asshole, and I felt a little fierce glee at Oizys’ fury over the bookie I’d been forced to dispatch - the fastest way to piss off the Goddess of Sorrow was to pervert one of her tools to cause an unscheduled death.

The plastic of the cart’s side cracked in my furious grip as Cara finally relayed, with deep shame in her voice, the reason she was “working” alongside me. Tommy had undoubtedly committed burial insurance fraud, but to lie so blatantly foreven morefree labor? He’d already foisted the entire burden of running New Horizons on me, what the fuck did he need Cara for? The cart’s axel creaked as she sadly recounted her precarious financial situation, having counted on the life insurance money that was now in the wind.

I carefully set the now-cracked cart on the ground, turning to Cara to find tears shining on her face faster than her sleeve could wipe them away. With all I’d done and seen over my long life, empathy wasn’t always a reflexive thing, and my capacity for emotionally-wrenching events was a very deep well. I’d forgotten the human in front of me had buried her sister yesterday - metaphorically, as I’d done the actual burying, but still.

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