Page 202 of Lost in the Dark

I rocked back, unsure what to make of his words. "You… You want to protect me?"

"I have tasted your nightmares," he said. "You do not deserve to be so troubled."

I didn't know why he thought that, but it was a balm. The first time someone had told me it wasn't my fault. That I didn't deserve this. Karl was forever telling me it was my fault he treated me the way he did, but Ash… Ash was different, and not just because he was a creature. I couldn't get my head around.

There was a knock on the door then, and I remembered Jenny had said she would come. I got to my feet and fumbled in my sheets for my t-shirt and PJ shorts.

"Hang on!" I called, dragging on the clothing before grabbing the robe that came with the cabin and wrapping it around me. It would have to do. My hair was a mess from the sex last night, but hopefully Jenny would just think I'd had a rough night.

I definitely had, just not for the reasons she thought. I pushed down a smile before I opened the door.

Jenny raised an eyebrow as she took in my appearance. "You look like you need this coffee, ASAP." She passed me a keep cup embellished with The Nest's logo and I took it gratefully. Warmth seeped into my fingers and I closed my eyes in delight as I took that first sip.

"So damn good. Do you think they get their beans somewhere special? What am I saying? Of course they do." I took another sip, then realized I was being rude, and stepped aside to let Jenny into my cabin. She moved to the table, noted my uneaten dinner, and placed a paper bag on the table along with a keep cup of her own.

"You didn't eat," she said, using that disapproving voice I heard so often in the office.

"I wasn't feeling amazing, took some extra painkillers on an empty stomach. Just needed the rest, I think." I shrugged, knowing it was a lame excuse. One she would see right through if she wanted to. Thankfully, she took a seat and opened the bag, withdrawing some delicious looking pastries instead of questioning me further.

"Here, you can have mine too. I'll just get some more when I go." Jenny pushed them across the table towards me, and I sat down to take the weight off my foot.

"Thanks for this. You're taking such good care of me." I picked off the end of a croissant and looked at her. "Why?" It had been so long since I'd had a friend, and her kindness was yet another reminder of all the things Karl had robbed me of.

Jenny stiffened for a moment and then forced herself to relax. "I was where you are, a long time ago. I'm kicking myself for not seeing the signs earlier, but I guess I was all caught up in my own shit." She grimaced. "I'm sorry. I could have helped."

"It's fine, really." Though the roiling of my stomach said something different. It wasn't that I needed saving—I didn't. But it would have been nice to have someone else on my team in the office. Someone who knew what I was going through and had my back.

No one had ever had my back. Not really.

But maybe now?

"It's not fine. I know how awful it is when you're in an abusive relationship. They strip away everything you have, everything you are, any supports. You're left with nothing, and I don't want that for you. I want to help." Jenny leaned forward. I could see old pain etched in her face alongside guilt.

"Jenny, it's not your job to look after me. And I left him. And this time I'm going to make sure it sticks. Why do you think I came to this stupid retreat?" I gestured to the cabin and gave her a wry smile. "No reception here, no way he can track me down. It's a good break. A clean one. Hopefully, by the time I'm back in town, he'll have finished raging."

"Where are you staying when you get back?" she asked.

"A hostel. One of the safe houses for battered women, not that I like to think of myself that way." But it felt good to tell someone, to just be honest about what had been happening in my life for the last few years.

"You're a survivor," Jenny said, her voice fierce. "I'm so fucking proud of you."

"Oh my god, Jenny! I don't think I've ever heard you swear." I laughed harder than I had in a long time, all the way to my belly, and damn, but it felt good. "You're always so polite and correct at the office."

"I am outside the office, too, but I think this warranted a swear." She laughed too, her shoulders shaking.

"You know, I thought you hated me," I said, once the laughter had subsided.

"I did. Well, not hate, just frustration. You were always late, and taking sick days, and like you said, we all thought you were the biggest klutz. And then it hit me what was really going on."

Part of me wanted to ask how she knew. A deeper part of me added that it might be so I could avoid doing that again. But there wasn't going to be an again. I was done with him. Done with pain. Done with feeling like a punching bag. I wanted to feel genuine joy. I wanted to be loved, not loathed.

I deserved better. Didn't I?

Tears flooded my eyes, and my shoulders shook with a wracking sob. Jenny shot off her chair, wrapping her arms around me. She held me tight as I shook the guilt and grief from my body; she didn't even complain about the huge wet patch I made on her shoulder.

Finally, the tears slowed, and I pulled back, reaching for a napkin from my breakfast goodies to wipe my face with.

"I'm sorry about that," I said. "I don't normally…"

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