Page 135 of Merrily Ever After
I’ve hurt everyone who ever loved me, including your father, Ray. Remember Ray? He used to visit sometimes when you were little. But not anymore. I sent him away when I found out he had another family, another daughter. I hope he manages to make a go of it with them. He’s a nice man. A bit flaky, but then who am I to talk?
My darling girl, I spoke to you on the phone last night. You were full of stories about the foster carers you’re with. The snake and feeding it the frozen chicks. The massive Christmas tree in the living room. It sounds so much better than here with me. You’re having fun, part of a big family, living with a woman who is so good at being a mum that she looks after other people’s kids too. I envy her. But I’m grateful to her too.
I’m getting sleepy now, M, so I’ll say goodnight. Always remember how much I loved you, you’ll carry a piece of my heart with you wherever you go.
Your loving mum xxxx
Hilary set the letter down on her desk, opened her drawer to extract a packet of tissues and blew her nose. She read all sorts of stuff; you got hardened to it in this job, but there was something about that one which reached deep into Hilary’s heart and squeezed it tight. That poor mother, did she get help? And what about M? Did she get her life full of light and happiness? Hilary hoped so. She rummaged around in the box for something that might give her a clue as to the writer’s identity, but there was nothing. She ate another mince pie while she decided what to do with the letter.
Technically, she should dispose of it. There was no way of filing it accurately, there was no name, no address, nothing. But she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t consign those words of love to the bin. So, instead, she tucked it deep inside another file and left it for someone else to deal with. Maybe one day the letter might be reunited with the daughter – who knows, stranger things had happened.
She brushed the crumbs off her bosom and sighed, feeling quite emotional after all that.
She looked at the clock: half past four. Oh, what the hell. She slipped her arms into her coat and shovelled her pens haphazardly back into her drawer. She was going to finish early for once. She turned off the lights on the office Christmas tree as she walked out of the office.Merry Christmas, everyone, she thought with a smile,even you, Bernard.
